


Heal

by SquigglyAverageJoe



Series: Shattered Glass [2]
Category: The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords
Genre: Developing Relationship, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Relationship Problems, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2020-06-24 07:44:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 55,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19719259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquigglyAverageJoe/pseuds/SquigglyAverageJoe
Summary: This takes place after Maybe. Vio—with the support of the other Links and the help of a new friend—successfully is able to bring Shadow back from the dead, but that doesn’t mean their problems are solved. They still have to navigate their confusing relationship and Shadow doesn’t quite know how to do that. While his new life gives him all sorts of new opportunities, it’s overwhelming and he doesn’t know where to start. It starts to become obvious that things between him and Vio may never be the same, but maybe this can be their chance to heal and recover—maybe they need things to be different.





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of breaking glass seemed so loud to Shadow. He remembered how ever since he’d been created, he had this urge to destroy everything and it never seemed to fade. Even when watching all the chaos and destruction he had created, watching towns and villages burn as he stood above them, it all seemed to fuel his urge.

A lot of his urges became self-harm. His violent thoughts had grown self-loathing and suicidal on numerous occasions. He had thought it was normal.

But then, there had been Vio. Intelligent, calm, confident, handsome, perfect Vio—his first friend, his first love, his best friend, his only love—and he did not think it was normal. All Shadow had ever really loved was destruction, his dragons, and Vio, and the love he felt for each of those things had been very different. And of course, when Vio betrayed him, when he saw him, swinging a hammer down with a blank, emotionless expression that had differed so much from the happy one he had seen earlier—Vio had acted just as in love as Shadow had, what had Shadow done? Did he do anything?—all those destructive urges had came rushing back full force and at first, he really was going to kill Vio, because he was a traitor, and that was what happened to traitors, they were killed and made an example of and no one grieved over them. But Shadow had spent forever locked in the room he had shared with his love who’d never be a lover and he had convinced himself that Vio was going to die, and he had basically started mourning his death before it even happened and he realized there was no way he could kill Vio.

He loved Vio, and Vio had loved him. He had seen it.

He somehow managed to blame the other three for Vio’s betrayal. _They turned him against me,_ he thought. _Vio loves me, he doesn’t want to die, it’s those stupid heroes’ fault. They’re the ones that should die, Vio shouldn’t die, Vio’s gonna help me betray Vaati and rule the world, and he’d never give that up for those morons, he’s smarter than that._ Somehow, his logic had been sound to him, and he remembered that light he saw out of the corner of his eye when Vio was slammed to the ground and his sword slid across the ground.

It suddenly clicked that it had been that stupid fairy following the heroes around, and somehow, everything came together. The other heroes had sent it, probably to make sure Vio followed through on his betrayal, and the fairy probably knew Vio was supposed to be executed soon, and what would she do? Go tell the other heroes, of course, and they’d come to rescue Vio.

They’d take Vio away.

He wasn’t about to kill Vio, because he loved Vio, and he needed him. And Vio loved him back, he was sure of it.

And yet, he realized, as he collapsed on the shattered glass all over the floor, Vio had been a hero, as had the others, and they were all...light. Maybe Princess Zelda had said he was a hero too, but he wasn’t like them. For his entire existence he had feared the light but never feared Vio. His fear of the light saved him from the light and he had avoided it at all costs. Vio’s light had gotten to him, he decided. And it had sealed his fate. The light he loathed so much took the form of someone he loved so much, and the light crept inside him and changed him. Vio had changed him. Because he hadn’t just broken the Dark Mirror for Vio, he knew. And it wasn’t just to take down Vaati. He had broken it mostly for Vio, but also because he understood, suddenly. Vio loved Princess Zelda, and he loved the other heroes, and he loved his father, and he loved Hyrule. 

And he would betray someone he loved for them and Shadow was that someone. But if Shadow was willing to die for Vio, then maybe the two were similar. Maybe Vio had been right to betray him.

Shadow nearly cried when he saw Vio’s face. There was no maybe about this! He wanted to tell Vio that there was no maybe for him, because maybe Vio didn’t love Shadow, but Shadow knew he loved Vio. He wanted to tell him that this was for him, but not just for him, for everything Vio loved and that Shadow never had loved and would never get the chance to love. For Vio’s stupid kingdom, for Vio’s stupid princess, for Vio’s stupid team, for Vio’s stupid light. He wanted to tell Vio everything and he wanted to cry, but he didn’t feel the horrible longing to know if Vio loved him. He wasn't sure if he decided that that was because it was for Vio to figure out and it didn’t matter anymore, or if he was just too tired to feel like that, because exhaustion washed over him. 

Shadow saw his boots with his scuffed toes and brown leather. He was laying on his back, and now, instead of hearing breaking glass, he heard a familiar voice. “Shadow!” He almost smiled. “Did—“ There was a slight hesitation after that word, and he could have swore his voice broke. “—you destroy the Dark Mirror?” Shadow could feel his gaze scrape over him and his surroundings, taking in the shattered glass and the wrecked, golden frame of the once beautiful mirror. “But...” He saw Vio’s eyes, wide enough to drink from when they seemed to hold water, clear and beautiful. “Why?”

“Is...” He met Vio’s gaze. _Is this all over? Is this it? Is this the end? Is this why you betrayed me, because you felt a love like this, a love that swallowed your entire being and took everything away from you, and left you feeling so empty and so full of a love you never experienced before? Is this what you felt, when you thought you were going to die, did you feel like being a traitor was worth it because you were doing it for something you loved, something you loved more than what you were betraying?_ Being a traitor was worth it, he decided. “Is Vaati gone?”

“Yes.” His gaze softened and he smiled at Shadow. It sent warmth to his midsection that he had to admit, was beginning to cool from fear about what was next for him. “He is.” He knelt down next to him, but didn’t touch him, as if he was scared doing so would break the clearly dying Shadow. “He’s gone.” His words were soft, as if he didn’t quite believe them, like they were just barely starting to sink in. “It’s all over.” Their relationship, Shadow Link, the group’s journey—over. “Thanks to you!” He wanted to reach up and trace Vio’s lips, to get up and kiss him, to wrap his arms around his shoulders and hold him forever, or for as long as he had left.

His mind was growing fuzzy. “You’re...” Nothing quite made sense. “Thanking me?”

“You saved the day!” Green said.

It sounded similar to a compliment, and Shadow didn’t quite know how to take compliments. Vio had complimented him, but Green was not Vio. “Oh...” He almost yawned, but he didn’t have the energy to yawn. “You’re welcome, then...”

“Hey...”He felt Vio pat his cheek when his eyes drifted shut and near blindly, he grabbed at Vio and somehow managed to lace their fingers together. Vio squeezed his hand. Shadow suddenly wanted to proclaim his love to the whole world and wanted to explain everything to Vio—his feelings, the Dark Mirror, the princess that changed his mind and opened his eyes, all of his plans, his painful realization as he fell to the floor, his horrible, horrible existence and he didn’t just want to tell Vio, he wanted to tell the other Links too, and he felt that was stupid, but he was dying anyway.

“You know,” he said. “Shadows usually only ever follow the body. They never get to lead the way.” He gripped Vio’s hand tighter, worried his consciousness was about to fade and he’d never finish. “But today...I did lead the way.” Everything was coming out wrong and jumbled. He’d die with a weight on his chest. “I faced the enemy on my own...and it felt...pretty good.” He wanted to say that he felt like more than a shadow. “But that still doesn’t make me part of the body.” He felt he was still a shadow, though, he felt like these heroes of light had made him less meaningless. He was the same, but he was different.

“Of course it does!” Red chimed in, his tone having a hint of joy but there was still something sad about his expression and his voice.

“You’re one of us,” Blue said, confusing Shadow but the words were comforting. How much did Vio tell them? He supposed it didn’t matter.

“You’re our friend,” Vio said, quietly.

The words sent more warmth spiraling in his chest, for a minute, he forgot he was going to die. “Do you mean that?” It came out quieter than he meant, but at least it came out.

“Of course I do, Shadow.” His voice was as soft as his skin and his hair and his gaze, all the things he’d never feel again, because in the black void of death, you felt nothing.

The warmth consumed him completely before the cold did. As he drifted off, that familiar urge to destroy everything disappeared along with the shards of glass he was surrounded by, as they evaporated like water. _If you die after this, Vio, I’m going to be a thousand times angrier than when you betrayed me._

He was floating in the dark, not feeling or thinking, or even aware of the other Links’ fates. There was no afterlife for him, only a black, bleak nothingness. _Honestly, this is actually kind of calming—how long have I been here?_ He didn’t know—but he did know he wasn’t supposed to be thinking. You don’t think when you’re dead. Why was he thinking?

Where was he? What was he doing? He couldn’t feel, he was only a consciousness. He had no mind, no heart, no life, no emotions—but he had thoughts?

“He betrayed you,” a voice whispered, although he had no ears to listen with and no memories to know what the voice was talking about. By all means, he shouldn’t have been able to respond or hear, or understand, but he did. His entire consciousness seemed to quiver. “He hurt you, does he love you?”

He shouldn’t have had emotions, or any desire to emote, but still, he suddenly wanted to sob and the urge shook him to his nonexistent core. 

“They took him away from you.”

 _Who are you talking about?_ He didn’t know who “they” was or what “him” they meant.

All of a sudden a name hit him like a knee to the groin. “Vio,” he choked out. He shouldn’t have had thoughts, or vocal chords, or a mind, or a mouth, but he somehow managed to say that one word, that name. “Vio,” he repeated. “Vio, Vio, Vio.” He kept saying it, glad to be able to say something. It held little meaning at the moment, but it made him feel so many emotions he should have been incapable of feeling. 

“He was yours,” the voice said. “He still is. Why would you let anyone take him away from you? He’s yours.”

“Mine,” he murmured. 

Everything came rushing back all at once; the mirror, the other Links, Vio, the princess, his dragon, Vio, Vaati, his death, Vio!

And with it, came his thoughts about his death. But still that voice whispered, “He’s yours, Vio’s yours—only yours, you _deserve_ him. You love him. He’s a traitor, but he’s _your_ traitor—you should be able to have him. You should be able to do whatever you want to him, _he’s yours_.”

He shook his nonexistent head. “No...he’s not. I’m dead.”

He tried to cling to all the thoughts he experienced in his final moments, he wanted to remember them more vividly, to feel them. He loved Vio, but Vio made him better, made him able to realize that there was more to life than him and Vio, and although he never experience that life and would never be able to love anyone like he did Vio because he never had the chance, he was better, he was able to realize Vio _wasn’t_ his.

“Yes, he is,” the voice argued. It was starting to grow angrier and Shadow was able to recognize it as his own. How could that be though? “He’s yours.”

All he could find in argument was, “No, he’s not.”

“YES, HE IS—HE’S MINE.” He shivered—was this really him? “He’s fucking mine! He loves me!”

_No, this can’t be me...I’m not thinking this, I’m not like this!_

“Yes, you are! He’s yours, why would I say this if he’s not and I’m not you, so clearly, I am like this.”

 _What?_ He wasn’t sure if he was just unable to make any sense out of what he was hearing, or if what he was hearing made no sense. _No, no, no..._

There was something inside him, screaming, “MINE!” At the thought of Vio, and it was louder than all his thoughts. Desperately, he reached inside and shoved it away...

...He spiraled back into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

He didn’t know how much longer—but all of a sudden, he could feel things. There was something soft beneath him that cradled his body, that he seemed to sink in to, and something just as soft and warm was on top of him, thin, pressing down on him. He could _hear._ There was a soft, familiar voice. “Shadow...”

“Vio,” he whispered hoarsely.

There was a hand in his. His chest tightened. He opened his eyes and promptly burst into tears.

“Shadow...” A thumb stroked his cheek. _I hurt him, I hurt him, I hurt him._ “Hey, it’s okay...”

He bolted up, wrapped his arms around Vio and started crying into his neck. A hand cradled the back of his head and the hand in his hand went to his back, rubbing small circles through the cloth of his tunic.

“I thought I was gonna die,” he whispered, but he wasn’t sure how. Memories of the light emitted from Vio’s sword came rushing back at him bringing with it a sharp, violent anger. But he also remembered the Dark Mirror, and with that was a ton of other memories. Being bound on his bed, Vio slicing his throat with a knife, for one.

“Shh...” Vio ran a hand through some of his hair, and it calmed him down a bit. “I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

A sob pushed it’s way out of his mouth. “I-I-I hurt you...”

“Hey, I hurt you too...” He pressed a kiss on his temple. “Plus, you weren’t in your right mind.”

Shadow shook his head. “I hurt you...and you left me.” He shuddered. He suddenly didn’t want to ever be away from Vio.

“Yes,” he said. “I left you...” His voice was soft and sad. “But I brought you back, hopefully saner.”

He wrapped his arms tighter and pulled himself onto Vio’s lap, nuzzling his neck. Vio smelled like rain—Shadow couldn’t get enough of it. He breathed deeply. “Please don’t leave me...”

Shadow felt Vio move a little. _He’s gonna leave me, he’s gonna leave me._

“Shadow, I need to go get some medicine—to heal you.” A thumb stroked his cheek. “You have to get off of me.”

The sob he made was a bit softer. “Please don’t leave me alone...Vi...”

“Don’t worry—Kioka will be here.”

That wasn’t what I meant... He noticed a shadow in the corner, a silhouette. “Who the fuck is Kioka?”

“Kioka’s a friend of mine—she knows a bit about medical things, so she’s been helping me take care of you.”

“Vi...” He held on tighter, but Vio easily pried his arms off and kissed his temple. 

“I’ll be right back.”

He turned away—Shadow’s gaze dropped lower. Goddesses, he’s got a nice ass... He looked back up.

“I’ll try and hurry back, but if his heart stops again—“

“—It’ll be fine, honey.” The voice was feminine and clear, but soft and mysterious. Shadow decided he didn’t trust her. “I can take care of him, just go—otherwise he is going to flatline and it’s gonna be because you were too worried to leave his side that you forgot about his rapidly declining health and that he needed medicine.”

Vio sighed. “Okay, just—“ He turned to Shadow. “Be good,” he finished.

“Be obedient, you mean,” he muttered.

“I’ll be right back—“ the silhouette grabbed onto Vio’s upper arm and started to pull him out of the room.

“Go!”

“If he gets fussy, just let him sleep, that usually calms him down!”

She threw her head back in a laugh and placed a hand on Vio’s back, shoving him one final time as she closed the door. “It’s not like he’s gonna keel over the minute you turn your back.”

He heard the door close and Vio’s retreating footsteps. Kioka got closer to him, but she was still just a dark shape, blurred around the edges and bathed in shadows. “Who the fuck are you?” He rubbed at his eyes, trying to focus on her.

She was an inch taller than him, at least, with light brown skin and chestnut hair tied up with a white kerchief to keep it out of her face. Earrings dangled on her lobes with tiny purple gems set in silver. She blinked. “I could ask you the same.”

“What?”

“What I mean is, who the fuck are you?”

Shadow didn’t know how to respond, so he just sunk into his bed.

She giggled. “I’m just a friend of Vio’s! He’s told me some things about you.”

“Like what? That I’m a murderous lunatic who gets off on cut out, rotting tongues and blood?”

“Um, no? Like, there’s a lot of what he said, but never anything like that.”

“What did he say?”

She pursed her lips—they were colored purple. “He mentioned you were good in bed.”

“I gave him some amazing blowjobs.”

“He also said you were goth. You are, indeed, goth, at least your style.” She tightened the knot in her kerchief. “Anyways, how are you feeling? Sore? Stiff? Like your head’s gonna explode?”

“Like someone cut me up and stitched me together.”

“That’s good! To be blunt, feeling pain right now is good, because that means you’re still able to feel pain—I was worried you’d have some damage done to your nerves. Be honest—“ She pressed down on a part of his midsection through his tunic. “Does that hurt?”

“Like hell.”

“I’m so sorry—I’ve never resurrected someone from the dead before. Successfully. But really, this is good! Usually, from what I’ve read and seen, something gets left behind when one is so violently jerked from one life to the other.” She gave a weak smile. “But you seem strong—you’ll pull through.”

“How...How do you know Vio?”

“We’re just friends. I’m his favorite author—he found me on the streets and started talking about one of my books. I asked if he had any criticism, and then I just kept bothering him!”

“Which book?”

“Honestly, I don’t remember, but don’t tell him!”

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Parts of his body still stung. “What type of medicine is Vio grabbing?”

“It’s mostly just to get you to calm down and dull the pain—while we do a bunch of other shit to you that’s gonna hurt. Vio just doesn’t want you in too much pain right now and you blacking out at the wrong moment is all it’ll take for us to lose you—I do not need another patient dying on me.”

Shadow decided not to comment on that.

The door opened and Vio returned—he pressed a hand on Shadow’s chest to keep him from bolting up like he so wanted to. “Vi...”

Vio didn’t look at him. He was too focused on Kioka, looking up at her.

“...you sure?” There had been a part of the conversation he had missed, too busy looking at Vio, looking at Kioka, who was looking at him.

“Positive, honey.” She rubbed at her eyes. “At the very least, he’ll make it through the night.”

He still chose to look up at Vio. He sighed. “Alright, Oka.”

She giggled again and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Take a break—he’ll be fine, we don’t need to hover over him every five minutes. I need to get home and take care of Celeste.”

Vio seemed to read Shadow’s mind. “Celeste is Kioka’s pet spider. Whatever happened to Minoru?”

She sighed. “She got eaten by another python. But I’m getting a new one named Alice! Isn’t that a great name?”

Vio nodded.

“Anyway, I need to get going.” She smiled at Vio. “See you, darling!” She looked at Shadow with something akin to pity in her eyes. “Get better soon.” She grabbed a black bag off of a nearby desk and left through the door Vio had entered through.

Everything was silent. Shadow didn’t know what to say. He wanted to cry some more, he wanted to grab onto Vio and never let go, he wanted to die, right there and then.

He went with the second option and fisted Vio’s tunic, bringing him closer and shoving his face into his chest. He took deep breaths, inhaling Vio’s scent as he ran a hand through his hair, comforting him.

“I don’t...I...” What was he trying to say?

He didn’t know, really.

“About how much do you remember?” Vio asked softly.

“...Bits and pieces...Did I actually...?” He found himself tracing Vio’s lips with his hand.

It must have took a lot of effort not to shiver at the touch, Shadow noted. He nodded.

_Holy fuck, I’m an asshole,_ he thought. Something dark and ugly gnawed at the things inside his chest cavity—he felt sick and he hurt and he wanted to cry. For a minute, he could feel the blood on his hands and smell it in the air.

“Do you hate me?” Shadow asked.

His response was delayed. “No.”

“...You should. I hurt you. A lot.”

He saw Vio swallow. He wanted to kiss him so badly, but he knew now wasn’t the time—Vio hated him, it was so obvious, no one could actually like him after that, after what he did. His mind was shattered and he was only picking up small shards that showed the worse bits of everything but nothing in between them. “I don’t think you were quite sane, Shadow. That wasn’t entirely you.”

“...I’m so sorry, Vio,” he whispered. “I’m so, so, so sorry I hurt you, I hurt you so much, I...” He felt the tears in his eyes, but he wasn’t going to let them fall. He couldn’t cry right now—he wasn’t the victim. 

“It’s okay, Shadow. I forgive you.”

“Is everything okay between us?” He asked.

Vio was silent. It wasn’t like Shadow didn’t already know the answer, he thought.

“Vio—“ He sat up, but Vio pushed him so he was laying down again. “Shadow, no, everything’s okay, it’s just...I’m going through some things, okay?” He ran a hand through Shadow’s hair again. “A lot of things—things have changed.”

“How long has it been?” He asked.

He saw something in Vio’s eyes he didn’t like. “Shadow—“

“How long has it been?”

A beat of silence. “A year and a half, about.” Vio didn’t meet his eyes. “This took _really_ long. I tried to do it faster, but there was so many dead ends, and...I got...distracted, for a while.”

“Distracted, how?”

Vio shook his head. “That’s not important right now. Shadow, you need to rest, okay?”

“Why won’t you answer my question?” His frustration was growing, but he didn’t want Vio to know. When he got frustrated with Vio, he gave him hypothermia.

“It’s not important,” he said. Shadow had a feeling it was. “Just rest, Shadow.”

“Wait—“ He grabbed onto Vio’s wrist as gently as he could while still being able to stop him, and sat up again.

There was a beat of silence, Vio was staring at him. “Shadow...” His voice was gentle and soft, so much so you could feel it.

Shadow swallowed. “Please don’t leave me alone.”

Vio ran a hand through his hair again and he felt so calm—he whined when Vio’s hand moved away. “Shadow...you...”

They were kissing suddenly. Shadow didn’t know if he had been the one to lean forward, or if Vio had—but he barely cared. His lips were soft too, and his hair, and his touch.

When they stopped, they both leaned back until there was an inch of space between their lips. “We really shouldn’t do this,” Vio said, but his hands were undoing Shadow’s belt.

“Why not?” Shadow asked.

“Because you’re weak and hurt,” he replied, lowering Shadow’s tights to his knees, pulling his tunic up but not off. “Because we’re both underage.” He started undoing his own belt. “Because we can’t spend every minute of our lives fucking.”

“Why not?” Shadow asked again, carefully grabbing Vio’s hat off of his head and placing it on a bedside table made of a light colored wood.

“Because,” Vio said, as if that was the only explanation Shadow needed. He watched Vio pull his own clothes off and throw them somewhere he paid no attention to. His groin pulsed. He slid a hand down Vio’s side, taking in the smooth skin, the toned stomach. They kissed again. Shadow felt his toes curl, but he didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sure what to do—what if he hurt Vio?

Vio pulled away and grabbed onto Shadow’s hips, situating them both until Shadow could feel his breath.

“Keep quiet,” Vio said. “The others are home.”

He nodded—he hadn’t seen Vio look like this with so much lust in his eyes. He wasn’t about to make him stop.

_I’ve been back for not even twenty four hours, and already, I’m having oral sex with Vio,_ he thought. He could feel his breath on his dick, warm and soft. _Why are we even doing this—FUCK—_

All of a sudden, he felt Vio’s mouth on him, his tongue lapping at his tip. He groaned and grabbed at Vio’s hair. _”Shit!”_ Vio moaned and kept sucking, Shadow felt himself pull Vio’s hair again.

His breath caught in his throat after an especially hard suck. _Holy shit, he’s good._ He groaned as Vio deep throated him and tugged more on his hair. He opened his eyes and looked up, staring at Shadow seductively.

He tried to catch his breath somehow, which was very impossible like this, with Vio’s tongue toying with his slit. _Why would I ever want Vio to lose his tongue for any reason?_

Vio pulled back to catch his breath, but still nuzzled his crotch. _Wait, I just..._ He couldn’t get it out of his head now, the memory of all the blood and Vio’s scream—

Vio went back to sucking, harder, faster, carefully avoiding the teeth. Shadow moaned, but in his head, he was still thinking of Vio’s pink tongue, no longer in his mouth. Why would he think about that at a time like this, when Vio—his perfect, perfect Vio!—was blowing him.

That sounded familiar and wrong. _His._ It felt like a bad word, wrong in his head.

He gasped and grabbed at Vio’s hair. “Oh, Vio! More, please!”

He complied.

There was a coil in his stomach, tightening the more Vio sucked and swallowed around him. He was so close—!

Vio moaned again, Shadow groaned again, trying not to wrap his legs around Vio’s neck, that probably wouldn’t be comfortable. He moaned Vio’s name as he came, tightening his grip on Vio’s hair.

Vio pulled away from him and spat out the semen in his mouth before moving his hair out of his eyes.

“Holy shit,” Shadow breathed once he caught his breath. He looked at Vio. “That was amazing!”

Vio smiled at him. He seemed to have a rag on him and rubbed a bit at his face for a moment before going to Shadow’s own body.

It was cold and wet and he jumped when it touched him.

“Sorry,” Vio said. “I remember reading somewhere that it was easier to clean semen off of things with cold water instead of warm. I know it’s not dry yet, but I figured...” He shrugged.

“I didn’t know you were so good with your mouth,” he said. “Who’ve you been practicing on?”

He meant it as a joke, it regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth. He could tell by the look on Vio’s face—he’d actually been practicing on someone.

_Well,_ Shadow tried to argue, keeping his anger at bay barely. _If a psychotic person cut my tongue out and I got it back, I guess I’d want to use it to._

Vio dropped the rag on the table and laid down next to him. “It’s nice to know you’re back.”

“It’s nice to be back,” he said, but he wasn’t entirely sure if he meant it.

Vio smiled and kissed Shadow on the cheek. He still felt cold. “You need to rest,” he said. One final time, he ran a hand through Shadow’s hair.

Shadow closed his eyes—and still dreamed of cut tongues and Vio’s mouth.

When he woke up, Vio was gone, like a very pleasant dream, and since he was fully clothed and clean, he wondered for a minute if it was just a dream, but he could smell Vio’s scent on the sheets and his pillow, and he found a single blond hair on the pillow case, right where Vio’s head had been before he fell asleep.

He swallowed and tried to sit up—but a manicured hand pushed him down. “No,” Kioka said.

Shadow groaned. He finally had a body, but was the point when he couldn’t use it? He might as well drop dead. “Who’s Vio seeing?” He asked immediately.

“Huh?” She said.

“Vio—who is he seeing?”

“He isn’t really seeing anyone—he just has a friend.”

Shadow swallowed. “A boyfriend?”

“A friend...with benefits.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know when people say they like Netflix and chill? They’re people who Netflix and chill together, but do occasionally watch Netflix and actually chill.”

There was a pause. “What the fuck is Netflix?”

“Honey—he’s fucking a friend he isn’t romantically involved with, that’s what I mean.”

Shadow had to admit—that was a lot better than what he had initially thought. He was worried he was some sort of sidepiece or something, that Vio was actually seeing someone, dating someone, and had just blown Shadow for some stupid reason.

“Where is he?”

“...Fucking that friend, if I had to guess,” she said. “Are you okay? You were murmuring stuff about tongues.”

Of all the things he could have said, he settled on, “I have a lot of things on my mind.”

Kioka nodded. “Alright then.”

“What are you doing here?” Shadow asked. He blinked. “And what’s with your scarf?”

The scarf moved. “That’s not a scarf.”

“What...?”

“This is Dorothy!” The snake was around her neck, it looked at Shadow lazily with beady black eyes. “Isn’t she cute?”

Shadow didn’t know how to respond. “Yeah,” he answered. “Can I...?”

Kioka dropped it on his stomach and he stiffened. “Don’t worry—she doesn’t bite. Well, she can and does but only if you piss her off, and she isn’t venomous.”

Shadow nodded and slowly pet her head. She hissed a bit, but didn’t actually seem to emote. “She’s new,” Kioka said. “She’s still getting used to me, so she definitely isn’t used to you.”

“Do you have a lot of snakes?”

“Yeah! They’re kind of cool, don’t you think?”

“I guess so.”

She giggled into her hand.

The door opened. “Oka—did he ask or are you torturing him?”

“A bit of both, I suppose,” she said with a wink. “Come here, angel—“ She picked up the snake again. Shadow guessed she was a foot long. He watched her wrap herself around Kioka’s arm. “So, should we tell him the news?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then!” She turned to him. “You’re going to die!”


	3. Chapter 3

Shadow stared at her. She didn’t sound too upset.

Vio groaned. “This is why your medical license got revoked,” he said.

“That and I tried to do things like this, but never succeeded!” She giggled again. “You’re mortal now! One day, you’re gonna die. But that day doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight.”

“You’re gonna live,” Vio rolled his eyes,

“That’s nice,” he said.

Kioka handed him a bottle of pills. “Just take one when you wake up every day—this will help with getting your organs to function properly, but other than the possible chance of organ failure, you’re fine. I hope you have medical insurance.”

“DId I even have a heartbeat twenty four hours ago?”

“Nope!”

Vio sighed. “You also should avoid doing any sort of strenuous activity until we can verify that your body can actually take it.”

“...Can I get out of bed then?”

He shook his head. “It’d be best if you just stayed laying down—you’re in good condition now, but we’re worried you’ll jar something and that’ll change.”

Shadow sighed—and then noticed the bandage in his arm. “I didn’t have that before.”

Vio looked at him. “You didn’t.”

“Vio said he didn’t know how you were around needles,” Kioka piped up. “So, we decided to use the syringe when you were unconscious.”

“Kioka!”

“What?”

“What did you use the syringe for?” Shadow asked.

“To look at your blood. Your blood is scarlet.”

“...cool?”

Vio sighed. “I need to go help Red before he burns the kitchen down.”

He left Shadow and Kioka alone, staring at each other. “Did you know your blood type is B positive?”

“...No.”

“Well, it is.”

“Uh-huh.”

“It’s weird...Vio’s AB positive—like Blue. And Green’s B negative, and Red’s O negative.”

“...What?”

“I don’t understand it either,” Kioka said. “Vio explained what they knew to me, but...you guys are weird.”

“What exactly did he explain to you?”

“The whole Four Sword thing,” she said. “And your guys’ adventure thing. ...Did you really have a dragon?”

“Yes.”

She shook her head. “That is _so_ cool.”

“Her name was Azalea.”

“Was?”

“I’ven’t seen her in apparently, a year and a half.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “She can take care of herself—she isn’t helpless.”

Kioka giggled. “I need to get going, I’m co-authoring a book with a friend and I’m a bit behind schedule—take those pills with food, by the way. Get better.”

Shadow stared at the ceiling. _Vio’s sleeping with someone else._ He felt cold. _Makes sense. He probably hates you after all you put him through. He wasted a year and a half on you._

Shadow tried to take a deep breath and calm down—it didn’t work. He didn’t really know what to do at the moment besides sleep, and he had basically just woke up.

He got up slowly.

He was fully clothed he realized, even though Vio had stripped him the night before. His tunic and tights were in pristine condition, as if they hadn’t even wrinkled. Had Vio dressed him before he left?

He moved slowly and quietly towards the door. It opened silently and he looked out the hallway. He felt like he had to stay in the room, especially after what Vio said, but he also felt his curiosity get the better of him.

He heard voices from a nearby room.

“...he’s gonna be okay?”

He recognized Vio’s voice immediately and he felt his heart beat quicken. “He should be.”

“That’s great!” He realized that must have been Red. “You must be really happy!”

“You forgive too easily, Red,” another one said. Either Blue or Green, Shadow wasn’t a hundred percent sure.

“Hey, we _all_ helped Vio, so you have to at least admit that you’ve partially forgiven him.”

“...I’m not entirely sure about that.”

“Oh, come on Blue! You’re so mean!”

“He gave you a black eye, Red! I don’t think he’s going to immediately like, murder us all—I just think you should be careful around him. You too, Vio.”

“I think he just needs—“ Vio stopped. “Honestly, I’m not sure what he needs.” He sighed. “Just...thanks, I guess. You took the whole ‘bringing back Shadow from the dead’ thing much better than I would have expected.”

“GREEN! WAKE THE FUCK UP BEFORE I MAKE RED DYE YOUR HAIR AGAIN! YOU DID NOT LOOK GOOD AS A BRUNETTE, STUPID!”

“Shut the fuck up, Blue! Shadow’s supposed to be resting!”

“Fuck you, you queer! Or is Shadow doing that for you?”

“You know, you guys have been so much nicer to each other, why?” Red asked.

“Red,” Green said, yawning. “Blue just called him a queer.”

“He calls himself a queer all the time!”

“I swear, if he wakes up—“ Vio trailed off. “Shadow, are you in the hallway?”

He hesitated. “No,” he called back. He heard snickering.

He exited the hallway. Red grinned, “Hi, Shadow!”

Blue nodded, at least acknowledging that he existed—Green didn’t seem to realize anyone existed and was shuffling to the kitchen at a pace that would make a turtle impatient.

Shadow looked blankly at Vio.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” Vio said, softly. 

He scrambled for a response. “...I heard shouting.”

“Oh?” Vio looked over at Blue. “Hear that, Blue?”

“Damn it.” He looked at Shadow. “Why did you have to say that?”

“I said ‘I heard shouting,’ I didn’t say ‘Blue woke me up, he’s such a prick, Vio chastise him!’” He flushed, wondering if he should say something like that. Red giggled.

Blue rolled his eyes. “Your boyfriend’s just a light sleeper,” he said.

Shadow felt an urge to correct him, say that no, he wasn’t Vio’s boyfriend, but Vio hit the back of Blue’s head. “Shut the fuck up, Blueberry.”

“Whatever, Violet.”

Red looked at Shadow. “Don’t mind, Blue—he’s in a bad mood because he didn’t get much sleep.”

“And then his turtle died,” Green said, appearing out of nowhere.

“How long did this one last? A month?” Vio asked.

“Two,” Blue grumbled.

“That’s a month longer than last time!” Red exclaimed, trying to make Blue happy.

“They’re supposed to live about twenty to forty years, when they’re that specific type,” Vio said.

“Maybe it’s for the best,” Red said. “He’s in a better place.”

“Also, that turtle was a monster,” Green said. “Remember when it escaped the house and we found it with that cat?”

“...You mean the half a cat? I remember.”

“...Your turtle had issues, Blue,” Red admitted. “Like, one time, when you weren’t home, me and Vio let it in the backyard and I think it ate a bird.”

“Red, we weren’t supposed to tell him that.”

“Sorry, Vio.”

Shadow looked at Vio in astonishment at this conversation—they locked eyes and Vio turned away, smiling just a bit. “I feel like Henry was like, your guys child. It had Green’s looks, and Blue’s smarts.”

Blue scrambled for a response, Red immediately piped up, “It _was_ a cute turtle.”

Shadow felt himself smile.

“Shadow, do you want a cup of coffee?” Red asked.

Shadow wasn’t sure how to respond. “I’ve never had coffee.”

“Well, do you want to try a cup?” He asked nicely.

“Yes...?”

Red poured a very dark brown liquid into a mug and handed it to him with a friendly smile. He set one down in front of Green, not bothering to ask. “Vio?”

“I’m good.”

“...I have a feeling I know what you’re about to say, but Blue, do you want any?”

“No, Red—I do not want a cup of poison.”

“It’s not poison,” Red sighed. He placed some sugar cubes in front of Green, shaking his head, “We seriously need to quit waking up so late—it’s noon, you guys.”

“I’ve been awake for hours,” Vio said.

“Yeah, but that’s because you were fucking—“ Green elbowed him in the ribs and he shut up. Shadow looked down at his cup. Vio appeared to do the same, but instead of a cup, it was at Red. His face looked a little red too.

Green dropped a cube in his cup and then drank it all at once before setting the empty cup down to rub at his eyes. Shadow decided to follow his lead and threw one also.

It tasted awful, and he really hoped it didn’t show on his face.

“Don’t worry,” Red said, anyway. “Blue doesn’t like coffee either.”

“How do you stomach this?”

“It’s poison,” Blue agreed.

“I like your poison, Red,” Green said.

Shadow mostly sat there, watching the four interact with each other, scared to do anything. He was thinking, but not in thoughts—in fragments of memories that haunted him. He tried to piece together some things—it made sense that Blue was apprehensive about Shadow after what he did, he thought. He remembered being an absolute jackass, he remembered _knowing_ he was being an absolute jackass—he remembered not caring about his jackassedness. He didn’t know why, and he didn’t know how that all came to an end. He could remember shoving a cold tongue back in Vio’s mouth for no other reason than to mess with him, but that was when things started getting fuzzy. He could remember _something_ happened, but what exactly eluded him. Did that something have anything to do with why Vio revived him, even after torturing him?

He seriously wished he knew. He wanted to know why things were like this. He wanted to go back to that black void of nothingness he had been in, where Vio—his love, his light, his everything—meant nothing to him because nothing could mean anything when you felt nothing and couldn’t even be aware of what you were feeling. It had been calming, he thought, if he could have felt calm.

But now, he could feel, and what did he feel?

An ache—a horrible gap inside his very being—a hole Vio had to fill. Shadow was still debating if that hole was just a hole in his body or if it was something inside him he wasn’t aware of. He knew he loved Vio, but was love supposed to be like this?

But what happened to his feelings about his death?

He felt a pang—he had been okay with dying, with the knowledge that there was a life he could have had if his entire life wasn’t just Vio, a life he could never have, because he could only die for Vio then, or continue his miserable existence that was definitely not a life, that felt more like a death than his actual death. But he was alive now—this life was a tangible thing, a real thing—something he actually had now. 

There was a growing coldness in his body, spreading from his abdomen and torso, his stomach and chest to his limbs and head. He actually had to live now. He didn’t just have the fleeting, stupid, perfect fantasy of a happy life with Vio and the other heroes, of people who loved him and forgave him, and could look past his wrong doings—he actually had a life now, and he didn’t know what the fuck it was.

 _Why did he bring me back?_ He panicked. _I was so content with dying—why couldn’t I just die?_

“Shadow,” a voice snapped him out of his thoughts with.

He blinked and came back to the present, but he was inside himself, inside that little space he went when things were just too much, letting some other him take control because he just couldn’t, and all he could do was watch everything and feel everything spiral into a horrible darkness that didn’t comfort him, all he could do was feel miserable—and the misery was something he was used to. He was not used to _this,_ whatever the fuck “this” was.

Vio smiled at him. His body was still cold, and he felt unattactched to the emotions, as if the chemical reactions in his brain weren’t happening in his brain, but in someone else’s and he was just told they were happening, but not feeling them.

“Are you okay? You’ve been staring at the wall for a while.”

“I’m fine,” he said. His voice was colder than usual. He noticed, but didn’t care. 

“Are you sure?” Vio lifted a hand and gently placed it on the side of his face. Shadow stiffened—his cheeks were warm suddenly.

“I-I-“ He stammered. His fingers moved, spreading more warmth in his face.

“You feel so cold...Do you need to rest? Do you feel okay?”

Vio was _radiating_ warmth. Shadow felt himself getting closer, needing more.

“Who is it?” He asked.

“...What?” Vio slowly removed his hand. Shadow flushed, but didn’t feel heat.

“Who are you fucking?”

Vio flushed too.

Shadow realized this was a horrible thing to say and a horrible time. He was going through a list of possible suspects. Kioka? Nah, everything about her seemed to scream lesbian—only gay people could be that cool. One of the Links?

He remembered being very jealous when it came to Blue—was Blue fucking Vio again?

_Again?_

“Do you want it to be you?” Vio asked, placing his right hand on Shadow’s lower back. Their eyes met, Shadow almost drooled.

“Please,” he said.


	4. Chapter 4

At some point, Shadow had to make the conscious decision to either actually participate and enjoy himself or just lay there because he was too scared he’d hurt Vio.

He chose the former and wrapped his arms around Vio’s neck, kissing back hungrily while Vio’s hands removed his belt and tore off his clothes all while they kissed. Shadow was eighty percent sure he heard his tights rip, but he could only be eighty percent sure because the other twenty percent of him was thinking about how amazing Vio was.

Vio pulled away and pressed him flush against the bed by placing his hand on his chest, slowly removing his boots with his other hand. Then Shadow got up and was trying to help Vio out of his clothes.

For some reason, he struggled with his belt for a moment. Vio’s hands played with his dick while he got it off. “Struggling?”

“Shut up.”

He heard Vio chuckle and toy with his slit. He kept trying to undress him.

When he got his undershirt off, he noticed Vio’s chest was covered in violet hickies and tiny red marks—there was a bite mark on his side, an inch or two above his hip. Some unnamed emotion rose into Shadow’s chest.

Vio either didn’t notice Shadow’s reaction or chose to not comment on it, placing a kiss on his jaw and neck, sucking gently. Shadow wrapped his legs around his waist tightly and pulled on Vio’s hair.

He was still thinking, about Vio in bed with another person. A man, probably, but what if it wasn’t? What if some broad had given Vio those hickies? He could almost see her in his head, pale skin and dark hair, kissing Vio, _his_ Vio. What if Vio loved her and not him?

Vio mouth was on his chest and Vio tightened his legs. He was doing it again! Didn’t he want to enjoy himself? He could have some fun with Vio and participate, or hav not nearly as much fun because he was too busy being a jealous prick to focus on the fact that the most handsome man in Hyrule was about to fuck him. _You fucking idiot,_ he thought.

Vio pulled away and kissed his cheek gently before chuckling again. “I didn’t take your hat off.”

Shadow blushed as Vio carefully grabbed it and dropped it on the ground before returning to kissing his cheek in a slow, almost loving manner.

He clung to Vio just a bit tighter, savoring all contact.

Vio had came all over him, but instead of getting up and grabbing a wash cloth like the night before, he just laid in bed with Shadow, intentionally placing a distance between the two of them that made Shadow feel cold. Vio had been rather rough—it felt amazing, but Shadow had a feeling he was going to struggle with walking for a while. Maybe it would have been better had Vio had some lube, or had stretched Shadow out just a bit more, or if Shadow hadn’t been screaming “HARDER, VIO! FUCK ME HARDER!” at the top of his lungs.

Shadow was still staring at the hickies on Vio’s chest—he felt ashamed that he had added a couple new ones while they were fucking. He sighed and clung to Vio again, wrapping his arms around Vio’s waist and burying his face in his chest. Whoever Vio was sleeping with, did they do that to? Did they just lay there and hold Vio gently afterwards?

He had no way to know.

Vio must have already been asleep, his eyes were closed, his arms limp. Shadow’s gaze drifted to in between his legs—he pulled the blanket off of Vio for just a minute to get a better look.

He looked the same—unbelievably sexy.

Shadow sighed and tried to sleep.

He woke up not long after, feeling something soft, cold and wet on his skin, but he didn’t open his eyes, even as he felt Vio lift certain parts of his body to put his clothes on. He felt Vio straighten his belt and smooth out his tunic. He opened his eyes when he pulled away.

He watched Vio dress in the dark—it was dark outside, nighttime?

He dressed near silently and quickly. When he tightened his belt, fixed his boots and straightened his hat on his head, Shadow said something. “Vio?”

“Yes, Shadow?”

“Where...” He sat up. He still felt sore—he _definitely_ wasn’t going to be able to walk later. “Where are you going?” He asked.

“Back to my room.” His voice was so calm and soft, as if he wanted Shadow to go back to bed—so he could leave.

“...Why?”

“Because it’s late and I need to sleep.”

“You can sleep with me...” He felt stupid. Why would Vio want to sleep with _him?_

“Go back to sleep, Shadow.”

He couldn’t. He watched Vio leave and close the door behind him. 

He got out of bed then and walked out, but didn’t go to Vio’s room. Mostly because he didn’t know where it was. He heard noises in the kitchen—there was no way he was going to be able to fall asleep again, so he just decided to go out there. He didn’t want to bother Vio—or rather, he did, but worried he would suddenly snap at him.

Walking hurt, but the pain cleared his mind a bit of Vio. The kitchen lights were pretty dim, but there was still some lights on. Shadow guessed they mostly relied on sunlight as light, entering through the windows, because otherwise, someone would probably slice off a finger.

Blue was drinking a glass of water, leaned up against the sink and looking at Shadow. “Yo.”

Shadow wasn’t sure if he should respond. He just stared back.

“...I remember you being much more talkative,” Blue said. Shadow still didn’t respond, he guessed Blue wanted to fill the silence. “You’re acting weird.”

Shadow finally responded. “You’re acting weird.”

Blue shrugged. “You’re the one who keeps staring off into space, though. This morning, you just stared at the wall for three hours.”

“Three hours?”

“Yeah. Vio said he’d talk to you, and told us to leave you alone, so my question is—how much did the two of you fuck?”

He heard the question before Blue even said it—he was already blushing. “...A lot.”

Blue nodded, as if that had been the answer he was expecting. “Vio sure gets around.”

Shadow paused. “...Are you fucking him?”

“No—It was fun the first night, but we never did it again.” He took another sip—Shadow realized that was not water—water did not look like that, that was alcohol. “Plus, I’m dating Red and Green.”

“...What?”

“There’s a word for it—Vio knows it, I don’t. We’re all in a relationship together.” He took another drink.

Shadow decided to state the obvious. “Must be some great sex.”

“You have no idea.” Blue took another sip. Shadow seriously hoped Blue wasn’t drunk. “Are you, like, okay?”

“...Nope.”

“Are you gonna live, I mean? Because like, Vio was freaking out earlier.”

“We’re all gonna die one day, Blue.”

“...Damn.”

“Yep.”

“Tell me something embarrassing about Vio.” He finished off the last of the liquid in his glass.

“He has a hair kink,” Shadow said without thinking.

He choked and then looked up at Shadow. “What?”

“Like, if you pull on his hair—he really likes having his hair pulled. He also has a bondage kink.”

“Holy fuck.”

“He’s just kinky, all the way around.”

“Damn. Seriously?”

“...It’s actually kind of cute.”

Blue nodded. 

“...Kioka said Vio’s sleeping with someone.”

“He is,” Blue said. 

“I just want to know who it is.”

“It’s no one really,” Blue said. “You don’t know him. He’s just a friend of Vio’s, who I guess is really hot.”

“But like...” He couldn’t say words correctly.

“It’s nothing to get upset over,” Blue said. “You think Vio spent a year and a half trying to resurrect you for no reason? His feelings for whatever the fuck the other guy is nothing compared to whatever he has for you. And if it’s still there after you went all psycho and cut his tongue out, then it’s probably not gonna go away for a while, you don’t need to get jealous just because you don’t constantly know who’s around Vio.”

“...Goddesses, how does he not hate me?”

“He blames himself,” Blue shrugged. “He thinks that maybe if he had explained everything to you before trying to break the mirror, things could have turned out better and you wouldn’t have had to die and then you wouldn’t have gone psycho.”

“I just...” He huffed. “Why _couldn’t_ he explain things to me, why did he have to—“

“It’s _Vio,_ dipshit. You really think he understood emotions?”

“But—“

“—Look, he’s spent hours ranting about it. According to him, he didn’t totally understand why he thought the guy—who had a kill count of like, three hundred fifty or something around there at the time, I don’t remember the exact number—was cute and why he was fucking him. He hadn’t ever felt any sort of attraction towards a guy before, and the first one he did—who he ended up fucking repeatedly—was, he was pretty sure, very fucking evil.” Shadow went silent, feeling like he was being lectured. “He didn’t know what he was doing. Plus, would you have actually listened to him?”

Shadow flushed. “Maybe—“ He hadn’t finished, but Blue was already talking over him.

“Maybe doesn’t cut it. Say, he went up to you, and sat you down, and explained that he had not actually betrayed us and had been planning on stopping you by stabbing you in the back, but because he didn’t know you were actually somewhat decent, he realized that you were actually a really cute fucker and really fun to mess around with, and just couldn’t go through with it all, so he wanted you to consider turning your back on Vaati and help him take him down.”

_I was already going to turn on Vaati,_ he thought miserably. Blue kept going.

“How would you have reacted?”

“...Maybe not well.”

“Uh-huh. And what would you have done?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“Vio didn’t know, either. And he’s been regretting it for about a year and a half. He genuinely thinks he could have saved you—so you can be angry about all of this, but you can’t be angry _and_ be a jealous prick.”

Shadow sighed.

“Don’t you like _anything_ besides Vio?” Blue asked.

“Not really,” he admitted.

“That’s probably a part of the problem,” Blue said. “Find something else to occupy your time and quit obsessing.”

“How do I do that?”

“I don’t know, I’m not a therapist.” He placed the glass down and yawned. “I’m going to bed.”

Without saying so much as a goodbye, he shuffled back to the hallway and found his room, leaving Shadow in the dim kitchen.

He knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep, and he felt some sort of fear about going outside the house, so he just sat at the counter and thought, but he didn’t realize what he was thinking about when he snapped out of his thoughts.

“Hi, Shadow!” He straightened and looked at Red, who at some point, had came into the kitchen and was currently standing in front of him. It was also daylight, and although every instinct in him was shouting for him to get away from the windows and out of the light, he stayed right where he was. Mostly because he wondered if it would hurt him, partially, because he wanted it to hurt him.

“Hi.”

“You’re up early.”

“I guess I am.”

“Are you okay?” He asked. “Yesterday, you just kind of...stopped for a while.”

“I don’t even remember you guys leaving,” he admitted.

“Yeah, we noticed. Um...” He paused and pursed his lips. “Blue told me you were out here last night.”

For a minute, Shadow was panicking. _Am I not supposed to be out here?_

“I know he can come across as mean sometimes, but the fact that he spoke to you at all, means he’s trying, but um...chances are, he said or did something.”

“Actually, he didn’t really do anything,” Shadow said.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. I mean, I think he was a bit drunk, but, I mean...it wasn’t like, he attacked me or anything.”

“Good,” Red said. “Vio’s said a lot about you and I think you’d actually be very nice to have around. Also, Blue doesn’t drink, he wanted me to tell you that.”

“...What was he doing last night then?”

“He drinks root beer,” Red said. “And sugar makes him act kind of drunk, but when he’s actually drunk he...he gets kind of...violent. That’s why he doesn’t drink, really.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

Red shrugged. “He doesn’t want to be labeled as an alcoholic. He’s pretty fond of his liver.”

Shadow nodded. “...Does Vio drink?”

“Occasionally,” Red said. “But not often.”

Shadow nodded.

“I hope you don’t mind my asking, but...what did Blue say then?”

“...I think he suggested that I have an unhealthy obsession with Vio and his life?” It was something Shadow had already known, but now, it had a name.

“O-Oh.”

“I mean, he’s right! It’s just...how do you fix that?”

“You could try to get some other hobbies,” Red suggested. “Do stuff that, you know, isn’t, um...”

“You mean do so stuff that isn’t Vio?”

“I just...couldn’t say that.” Red flushed.

“I don’t know where to start, I didn’t have a ton of hobbies before, you know.” He sighed and propped his elbow on the countertop, resting his hand on his palm.

“I like to cook,” Red shrugged. “If you want, you can help me make some breakfast.”

Shadow did not want to admit that he actually wanted to help Red. He had actually, always found himself finding Red slightly annoying, but...”I don’t have much else to do,” he said. “Let me go take my medication.”

Red grinned. “Vio told me you were supposed to take it with food, I’ll make you something!”


	5. Chapter 5

Shadow honestly kind of hated himself for hanging out with Red, but not as much for enjoying his company. Red was very nice—he let Shadow rant and liked the fact that he kept him company, and even when he screwed something up, he was sickeningly kind about telling him. Shadow just kept telling himself how horrible he was for talking with Red. He isn’t going to be so nice when he figures out what a horrible excuse for a person you are. Maybe you’re corrupting him, trying to absorb his niceness so you aren’t you. 

And then at some point, Red had managed to coax him into talking about Vio. 

“It’s just, he was my first friend.” Red was a really good listener. He’d train his eyes on him and keep quiet and nod and smile and ask questions. He paid Shadow attention. “And...I don’t know, I just...I feel like if he’s the center of my world, I should at least be his, and I know I’ve been gone for so long, but...the first relationship I’ve ever really had with another human being that wasn’t simply following orders—I had that with him. And he just...doesn’t feel the same, he just...doesn’t care. Why did he even bring me back?”

“Guilt,” Red admitted. “He felt so guilty. Because he knew how much you loved him and knew he kept hurting you, so he wanted to try to help you. Vio...He works differently than the rest of us. He’ll love us, but he’ll still isolate himself and like his alone time. He doesn’t say that he loves us, he expects us to just know, because he looks at us and knows how we feel. Sometimes, he just makes those little mistakes. He isn’t amazing at expressing himself, and he mostly just...wants us to know. And he doesn’t know how to let us. He thinks he’s helping you by giving you time alone, because he’s under the assumption you know he loves you.”

“But I don’t know he loves me.”

“Believe me, Shadow—he loves you. And if you need reassurance, ask him. Talk to him. He will reassure you.”

“...I don’t want him to love me,” Shadow admitted. “I don’t want anyone to. Why can’t you guys just hate me and let me die?”

Red gave a small smile. “Because we can’t hate you. Vio won’t let us, really. Plus, I think...I think that you’re really great. I don’t think you can just force yourself to hate someone. And you aren’t worth the effort of trying to hate, because I’ve already found stuff I like about you.”

“...Like?”

“Your hair is really cool! It’s like, spiky. Spiker than the rest of us. And you helped me make breakfast! Sometimes Vio helps, and sometimes Green or Blue will, and if not, they’ll help around dinner, but usually I have to do this by myself and I really appreciate it. Plus, Vio said he thinks you’re bipolar, and I’m bipolar, so like, I’m not alone in this.”

“I’m not bipolar,” he said, angrily.

“I didn’t think I was either,” Red shrugged. “Vio says that people tend to treat mental illnesses like they’re bad and can never be spoken about. Being bipolar sucks, but like, you can’t just ignore it. Look, I’m on medication!” He seemed to conjure a pill bottle out of thin air and placed it down in front of Shadow. “Mood stabilizers.”

He remembered the violent mood swings he had had before...”I don’t think this is just bipolar...”

Red shrugged. “Maybe it is. I don’t know, it’s nice to know why I might find myself crying hysterically in the closet and staying awake for a straight forty hours.”

Shadow frowned. “Did Vio actually say he thinks I’m bipolar?”

“He thinks you need help,” Red said.

I don’t want his help. Shadow sighed and looked at his own pill bottle. 

“I’m so obsessed with him,” Shadow admitted. “How do I get unobsessed?”

Red shrugged. “Get some other hobbies.” Shadow just stood there. “I like to cook! I’m still learning, really, but if you want, we can learn together! Maybe it’ll help. Vio likes to read, though, I guess you kind of knew that. Blue likes—oh, you’re not gonna believe this—he _gardens._ ”

“What?”

“Yeah, he gardens. He likes to plant flowers and talk to them—because you know, that helps them grow, and he’s just like...” He giggled and launched into a very good impersonation. “‘Grow you pretty, little fucker! Why are you so fucking tiny? Grow, Yoshiko, you fucking _wimp,_ this is why I like the other plants more than you!’”

“He _names_ them?”

“He loves all of his flower babies equally—he just pushes them a bit hard.”

Shadow snickered and Red smiled. “There’s lots of things to do—things that aren’t Vio! Though, I’m sure if you asked, he’d take you to the library and help you find a really good book.”

_I used to draw,_ he almost said, but he didn’t want to talk about that. Shadow nodded, taking that in consideration.

Three hours later, he found himself in a cluttered building with large bookshelves filled with tomes and novels, behind a book case, peering behind to look at Vio, sitting on a large chair as he flipped through a novel. Shadow couldn’t see the title, but he could see Vio.

_He fucking sucks,_ he thought, as Vio flipped to another page. _He’s so fucking perfect. He’s a handsome bastard._ For whatever reason, Vio licked his lips and Shadow felt himself swoon. There must have been something wrong with him—Vio was some sort of addiction, some sort of drug.

Being around him hurt so much. So. Fucking. Much.

Shadow took a deep breath. He could see Vio’s chest rise and fall as he breathed, see his eyelashes fall every time he blinked. Shadow found himself wanting to sniff his hair, to lick the sweat off his neck—and he knew how absolutely wrong that was.

Vio turned another page, and Shadow watched his eyes move. He knew he shouldn’t be stalking Vio—he knew this was wrong, and if Vio found out, he’d probably be a little creeped out, but Shadow had planned to talk to Vio. He just couldn’t. How could he just walk up to Vio, as if nothing had happened? He only had shards of those memories, but they seemed to dig into his skin, sticking to him, hurting him. Vio hadn’t forgotten, he thought. Vio was too nice to tell him how horrible it was.

_This is not bipolar,_ he thought. _Bipolar’s a mental illness, this is...this is over the top._

Vio stood up, Shadow froze, thinking he had been caught. He watched Vio take a step closer to the bookcase. He moved and ducked down, pretending to be inspecting the bottom row of books as Vio got closer to the other side.

He swallowed.

Vio put his book away and walked away to another bookcase.

His heart was pounding. Of course, Vio probably wasn’t going to actually do anything. He’d comment on it, maybe, he’d be confused, but it wasn’t like Shadow was just going to say, “I was stalking you,” so worst probably was Vio just thinking he was strange or being creeped out, but he didn’t want to talk to Vio.

Except he totally did. He wanted to talk with him, and hold him and love him. He wanted everything from sex to just sitting next to him in bed, holding his hand. He loved him so much, but why did everything have to be so complicated? Was it even complicated—why couldn’t Shadow just talk to Vio like a normal person and explain that he felt guilty and loved Vio but felt like nothing was right. Maybe they could work things out—or was he just being hopeful?

He sighed and went to the other side of the bookcase, grabbing the book Vio had just put away. He sat on the chair he had just been in and—once again reminding himself how weird this was—sniffed the book.

It smelled like Vio—why did Vio smell like the rain? It was addicting.

This felt like the closest he had been to Vio—even though when he first regained consciousness he had been crying into Vio’s neck. Something about being a distance away from Vio made him feel better, while still not being away. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

“Does that book smell good?”

He jumped and turned around.

Kioka grinned at him. “Who we stalking?”

He stammered, not sure if she had caught him, his face blushing.

“I’m just messing with you,” she giggled. “But, seriously, you’re sniffing a book. You gotta be careful—it’s a slippery slope. First, you’re just smelling the page, then you’re getting up at midnight to drink ink and eat paper, and then before you know it, you’re living in the attic of a bookstore, snorting the dust off of a history book and reading manga in shadowed corridors.”

“...What?”

She giggled again. “I didn’t know you read.”

“Vio always has his nose in a book—I wanted to see what it’s about.”

She laughed. “Damn, you’re funny. Seriously what are you reading?”

Shadow looked at the cover. _“Why Everything Sucks and How We’re All Gonna Die.”_

“Sounds like a good book.”

“Yeah.”

“So, why are you actually here?” Kioka asked.

“To read,” Shadow lied.

She eyed his suspiciously and then nodded. “Have you been taking the medication?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

“Shadow?”

He looked up. Vio had a book tucked under his arm and was staring directly at Shadow, clearly confused. “...Hi.”

“Hi. I didn’t know you read.” His gaze flickered to the book in Shadow’s hands. Shadow seriously hoped Vio didn’t recognize the book as the one had had been reading earlier.

Before he could answer, Kioka spoke up, “I was just abut to show Shadow one of my novels, and he decided he wasn’t interested in them. He’d rather read Luci Unna.” She rolled her eyes. “I gotta get going, I don’t want to waste my time with you heathens, who have no taste when it comes to literature.” She subtly winked at Shadow.

“Nice seeing you, Oka.” Vio was still looking at Shadow.

There was a moment of silence. “What are you reading?” Vio asked. Shadow held up the book and tried to fight the blush crawling onto his face. “How far have you gotten?”

“I haven’t even started,” Shadow admitted.

Vio nodded. “Would you mind scooting over?” 

Without a second thought, Shadow made room on the chair and tried not to freak out when Vio sat next to him, wrapping an around his waist and holding his book with one hand so casually, as if he did this everyday. Shadow leaned into him—just slightly.

It was weird how normal it felt.


	6. Chapter 6

There was this bizarre flutter in his stomach as he read. He had never really been fond of reading, Shadow just never really had the chance to pick up a book and read it, and he had always thought that to be Vio’s thing, so he thought that by trying to read more, he’d be bothering Vio somehow. But, as he sat there, pressed against Vio, able to hear his breathing and smell the scent of rain on his skin, he realized he could get used to this—and the book was pretty good too. He read slowly, he couldn’t read any faster, and occasionally he’d fight the urge to close his eyes, turn his head and rest, leaned against Vio, but he did find himself immersed in the story. It was dark and witty and there was all sorts of things he didn’t understand, but he found himself weirdly enjoying it.

But, he kept feeling Vio shift next to him, felt his gaze fall on him. 

At one point, he stopped mid sentence and turned to look at Vio—and caught him staring before Vio flushed and returned to his book. Shadow would do the same and Vio would pull him just a little closer and Shadow’s head would reel from his desire to basically fuck Vio’s mouth with his tongue.

He felt his eyelids grow heavy and he kept having to stop to rub at his eyes before he could keep reading and Vio’s arm around his waist kept him grounded to reality, pulling him slightly out of the words in front of him and—

...Was Vio’s hand on his thigh?

Not the hand holding his book, Shadow realized, but the other one, the one on the arm around him.

He wanted more.

He leaned into Vio and rested his head on his shoulder, but kept reading, even when he found himself yawning.

“Shadow?” Vio said softly. “I think it’s time we go home.”

He didn’t bother to protest as Vio took the book from him and pulled him to his feet, holding his hand as they walked out the door and into the still partially lit night.

All of a sudden, Vio let go of his hand and gripped the front of his tunic, slamming his back into the outside wall of the library as he pressed his mouth to his, almost hungrily.Shadow kissed back without a moment of hesitation—and Vio laced their fingers together.

After a short eternity, he pulled away and started tugging him forward by the arm. Shadow matched his pace, his heart still pounding and his mind spinning. Every couple of minutes, Vio’s other hand would grab a fistful of Shadow’s hair and force his mouth onto his, eagerly parting his lips, until both of them felt their lungs ache for some oxygen and they’d part.

Shadow felt like it took hours to finally get back—which it very much could have, since they kept stopping. Vio wasted no time in shoving Shadow into his room—which was right next door with the one Shadow’d been sleeping in.

The bed was neatly made, but otherwise, the room was rather cluttered with small stacks of books around the bed and on a desk along with papers and writing utensils, a half-empty glass of water and for some reason, a very tiny fork laying on top of a book.

Vio closed the door with his foot only to slam Shadow’s back into it and kiss him. He wrapped his arms around Vio’s neck. _This was probably why I thought you were a whore, Vi,_ he thought, running his fingers through his yellow hair.

He froze as Vio lifted him, sweeping everything that was on the desk on the floor as he placed Shadow down, biting his neck.

 _What?_ Nothing quite made sense, the world seemed to blur. _Did I just call Vio a whore...?_

 _But isn’t he?_ A voice in his head whispered. He knew it was in his head, but he thought it was real. _He let Blue fuck him and who knows how many others. He’s been sleeping with someone you don’t know, and now, you’re sitting on his desk with his hands in your tights. He’s_ your _fucking whore._

For a minute, Shadow resumed kissing back, thinking _Mine,_ but he finally realized that that thought was his and he felt horrified. However, he also wanted to continue even with those thoughts still in his head, so when Vio pulled away whispering his name, he couldn’t fight the urge to kiss him again. It couldn’t be that much of a problem, right? Maybe he could just enjoy himself and keep the fantasy of Vio being his—that wouldn’t hurt anyone, would it?

Vio pulled away, a small grin on his face as he picked Shadow up again and threw him on the bed, on his back, slowly taking off every article of clothing, one at a time. He took deep breaths, savoring every brush of skin and small contact, trying to not drool when Vio finished and started to undress himself. He watched, lustfully. His belt, tunic, hat, boots, tights... He ran a hand over Vio’s defined hipbones...

He kissed him slowly this time, before massaging his right hip and straightening himself, grabbing the pillows at the top of the bed and bringing them closer before laying Shadow down on his stomach, with the pillows at his hips, keeping himself up with his forearms. He felt Vio go behind him, felt his skin against his skin and Vio’s breath on his ear, warm, hot, but making him shiver regardless. “I love you,” he said before he thrusted in.

Shadow moaned—Vio’s hand moved from his hip to the back of his head, stroking his hair while he stuck three fingers from his other hand into Shadow’s mouth. He sucked hard, listening to Vio moan in his ear as he pulled out and pushed back in, slowly, but hard. After a few moments, Vio pulled his fingers out and pinched at one of Shadow’s nipples.

He moaned again while Vio fucked him harder, his hand now moving from the back of his head to between his legs, stroking his dick before fucking slightly faster.

“Vio...” He groaned.

His mouth was back behind Shadow’s ear, his lips barely touching, but just slightly brushing against. “I love you,” he said, thrusting with every word, but his speech wasn’t delayed in the slightest. “I love you so much.”

He situated the pillows beneath him. Shadow swore his cock went in deeper—he fucked harder, still pinching at his nipple and stroking him.

He felt something wet and slimy slide along the shell of his ear. Vio kissed his earlobe and sucked on his neck, pressing more kisses to the back of his head.

He moaned again—his breath coming in pants, Vio breathing just as heavily behind him, he was so close!

“Vio! There!”

His hand went from his nipple to his hip—slamming inside him harder as he pulled Shadow closer. “Shit!” Vio stroked him faster. “Vio! I’m-I’m gonna cum!” He didn’t stop fucking or stroking him, licking his ear while he shouted his release, spurting semen on Vio’s mattress and the pillows beneath his hips. Vio kept going, but retracted his hand from beneath him and moved to turn Shadow’s head, smearing cum on his chin and jaw while he kissed his cheek.

“Should I pull out?” Vio asked, stopping but his dick still deep inside Shadow’s ass.

“No! Fuck me more!”

Vio chuckled and gave an especially hard thrust, slamming his hipbones into Shadow ass roughly. He groaned again.

Vio started sucking, on his cheek, biting, still fucking. Shadow tried to turn his head more to give Vio easier access. He didn’t really care if it bruised, if Vio gave him a hickey on his face. It felt so good!

He went back to stroking Shadow, his fingers sliding over the heated flesh. “You already hardening again?” Vio whispered, nuzzling him. He keened out an answer while Vio kept going, bringing him to another orgasm. He heard Vio curse as he started to slow, pressing sloppy, wet kisses on his neck.

Vio finally climaxed, filling Shadow with his seed, his movements slowing. Shadow got up and kissed Vio hungrily, so close, but needing more. Vio kissed back while Shadow pushed him on his back and straddled his hips, pumping himself as he slid Vio’s dick back in.

He bounced on top of Vio, squirming and moaning, riding his love and clinging to him tightly.

They fucked for hours. Shadow didn’t know why they kept going. He wanted to do it more, he wanted to keep riding Vio’s writhing cock forever, but at some point. He managed to exhaust himself and they stopped, about ready to collapse and covered in each other’s semen, holding on to each other.

“I love you too,” he murmured, nuzzling his neck and inhaling his scent. Vio didn’t smell like the rain anymore—he smelled like sweat and cum. He sniffed his hair. Vio sighed, but just laid there. Actually, Vio wasn’t holding him at all—Shadow just had his arms wrapped around him tightly. He tried to convince himself that Vio was just asleep...

...Even though he made the conscious decision not to look up at him.

Later, when he had been asleep but found his rest disturbed, he felt Vio pry his hands off of him and slip out of his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

When Shadow opened his eyes, he had something in his arms, his head resting on it. It was purple. He thought it was Vio and held it just a bit tighter—then realized that Vio wasn’t breathing.

Even though he was wrapped in a blanket, he felt cold at that realization and hurriedly sat up.

For a minute, all he did was stare into his love’s unfocused, open eyes. There was bruises around his throat and his yellow hair was soaked in blood, he was covered in blood and cuts and—

His heart pounded against his breastbone and he realized that Vio wasn’t there at all—last time he had seen Vio, he wasn’t even in his clothes, it was a pillow. He rubbed at his eyes and blinked, and tried to think, Vio wasn’t there. Vio wasn’t dead, but he wasn’t there.

Shadow was ashamed to admit that that felt even worse. He shivered and glanced around the room, but Vio was nowhere in there. He swallowed.

He felt so tired and dehydrated and confused. For a minute, he had actually thought Vio’s corpse was next to him. 

...Did he just go back to sleep now, or was he supposed to go into his room? Was it rude to call it his room? What time even was it?

He yawned and felt his eyes close again. He was about half asleep, but not completely—he was sitting up in another bed he knew he wasn’t currently in, Vio clothed again, still and pale. Shadow found himself opening his mouth with his fingers and looking inside. It was completely red, and Vio didn’t have a tongue.

He pulled himself out of whatever that was quickly. Maybe it was a dream of sorts, but he hadn’t really slept, maybe it was some sort of hallucination.

He decided not to sleep anymore.

The door opened and someone entered, Shadow stared at them as they set something down on the foot of the bed. “Shadow? Are you awake?”

“Where did you go?” He asked.

“To your room. To get you some clothes.” Vio reached out his hand—Shadow felt his fingertips brush some hair out of his face. “I didn’t want to wake you.” He was already dressed, and his hair was dripping wet leaving dark spots on his tunic from where the water fell. Shadow realized he probably also cleaned up.

“Oh. Thanks.”

“We slept for over twenty four hours.” Vio had a towel in his hand and was vigorously drying his hair. “Although one day without taking your medication won’t kill you, promise me that once you get out of bed, you’ll eat something and take some.”

“Okay.” He looked at Vio’s belt. He wanted to grab onto it and tug Vio back into the bed.

Vio sighed and sat down on the bed, putting his boots on. Shadow realized he had no intentions of staying with him. He also realized that there was no possible way he’d be able to stand with how badly he hurt everywhere. It was still dark outside, but it was slowly brightening, not that Shadow looked for very long.

He watched Vio breathe deeply, and run a hand through his hair in an attempt to give it some sort of order. “I need to get going.”

“Where are you going?” He asked. He wanted him to stay, but he refused to say it. Why was Vio leaving anyway?

“I have a job, Shadow,” he stated.

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“What do you do?”

“What do you think I do?”

Shadow frowned. “...You write porn.”

He laughed. “Yes, that’s exactly what I do.” He was grinning as he put his hat on. “I help at the library with Kioka.”

Shadow paused. “...But the other day...” He bit his lip.

“Four days a week, but yes, I spend about five days at the library a week.”

“You’re such a nerd,” He muttered.

He leaned over and kissed his forehead, the gentle touch warming Shadow to his core. “You should get up soon.”

“Vio, I can’t stand.”

“Goddesses...I guess I was rather rough with you. Give me a moment, Shadow.”

He watched Vio leave, but he returned minutes later holding a pill bottle and a plate. He placed it on the table next to the bed and kissed Shadow’s temple again, smiling softly. “I need to go, I’m already late. Shower’s over there.” He pointed at a door in the room before turning away.

Vio left for good, closing the door behind him, leaving Shadow alone in a bed that wasn’t his.

He laid back down. It felt weird to be in Vio’s bed without Vio, but it smelled like him. Every part of him was sore, parts of him he didn’t know someone could have seemed to pop into existence just to cause him pain, just to hurt. He sighed, his eyes closing. He wanted to sleep some more, in Vio’s bed.

He burrowed back into the blankets, forgetting entirely about his earlier delusion.

_”YOU FUCKING SLUT!” In the back of his mind, he noted he was dreaming, but he still could feel his vocal chords strain with the effort of shouting. Had he been shouting before? He couldn’t tell._

_Vio was on the ground, on his side, clearly having just fallen with a large red handprint on his face, along with other bruises and marks. The back of Shadow’s hand was stinging. And Vio only had his tights on._

_He didn’t respond or even look at Shadow, so he grabbed his chin and made him look at him. “You’re mine. How many times do I have to say it? Tell me, Vi.”_

_He didn’t answer again and jerked his head out of Shadow’s hands to look away._

_He breathed in deeply through his nose, trying to fight the urge to strangle Vio. He still felt guilty about him getting hypothermia. And for cutting out his tongue. And all these minor spats were starting to add up—he didn’t want to keep hurting Vio, except he clearly did because he didn’t want to stop._

_He grabbed a fistful of hair and forcefully turned Vio’s head. “I need an answer.”_

_He didn’t answer, still. Of all the violent acts Shadow had in his mind, he acted on one._

_He let go and dropped Vio to the floor, where he stayed silent as he left, only to come back barely a minute later, with a knife in hand. “Vio, I don’t like how quiet you’re being. You need to start talking to me.” He still refused to face him as Shadow crouched down in front of him, grabbing his chin again and sliding the blade down his cheek enough for him to feel the blade and draw a faint red line on the side of his face. “Say something.”_

_Vio was looking at him now, eyes dilated and shaking his head, his lips moving, but he was still virtually silent. “Come on. Speak. I know you can do it. You used to not be able to shut up, remember?”_

_He grabbed Vio’s wrist and slammed his palm onto the floor. “Vi, this is your last chance—say something.”_

_He didn’t say something for an obvious reason._

_Shadow’s grip tightened on the handle of the dagger and he brought the blade down and right through Vio’s hand. He watched him try to get away, screaming and struggling against him. “If you speak, maybe I’ll patch that up for you, angel.” Vio shook his head rapidly. “No, you’re not gonna speak?” He was still shaking his head. “No, you don’t want me to patch that up?” He was starting to get frustrated. “Answer me!”_

_He was still struggling—Shadow had to grab his other hand to make sure he didn’t pull out the knife, but his grip tightened around his hand until he heard a crack._

_”Fine, love—just for you, I’ll pull that knife out, but you have to start talking to me, I’m just gonna stab your hand again.” He pulled it out as gently as you can pull a knife out. “Come on—just say something. I’ll take anything at this point.”_

_Whatever Vio was trying to say made him seem desperate. He still couldn’t get it out. He held Vio’s hand down again and slowly dragged the blade across the tip of his middle finger before pushing it down all the way, struggling to cut through his nail._

_Vio struggled more, but Shadow already had the tip of his finger off. No amount of squirming was going to put it back on._

_”Love, are you gonna talk now? I want to hear your perfect voice.” He stroked his cheek gently. “Vivi...”_

_There was a moment of quiet before Shadow finally remembered something and pried Vio’s mouth open. “Aw, angel, I forgot I did this!” Vio jerked back and looked away from him. “I’m sorry, I really did forget—I thought you were just ignoring me. Oh, love, I’m sorry!”_

_He didn’t look at him. His eyes were still big. Shadow got closer again and stroked his cheek more. “I’m sorry, love, I forgot, I was angry. I just wanted to hear you say something.”_

_Vio didn’t say anything._

The silence seemed to follow Shadow when he woke up and got out of Vio’s bed, not caring about how much he hurt. He was not going back to sleep, his heart was pounding in his chest and Goddesses, he was gonna be sick.

He sighed as he sat up, trying to think and stop thinking all at the same time as someone knocked on the door. He froze—was he supposed to be in Vio’s room?

“Shadow?” Red called through the door. “Um, I know you were in there with Vio, are you still in there?”

He hesitated. “Yeah.”

He heard Red sigh out a breath of relief. “Good, I was worried—I haven’t seen you or him since like...a day ago.”

“No, I’m fine, Vio’s just...not here.”

“He’s usually not here. Anyway, just checking on you—are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He swallowed. “I’m fine.”

“Okay, then.” He heard footsteps retreating down the hallway. He grabbed the pill bottle off the bedside table and swallowed a dose before grabbing the plate. All it had was a slice of bread and a handful of berries that tasted bitter, but he barely felt like eating after that dream.

Shadow ran a hand through his hair, but his fingers tangled in a knot and it hurt to pull it out. He looked at the door Vio had pointed to earlier. He tried to turn his body, but once he put weight on his legs, a burning pain seemed to consume his body and he sat back down. He could wait, he decided. He just stared at the ceiling.

After hours, the door opened and Vio was in the doorway, but he froze when he saw Shadow. “Are you okay?”

“I... _really_ can’t stand.”

Vio smiled and got closer, brushing his bangs from his face. “Then just rest there. I need to go help Red with dinner, but I’ll bring you in a plate in a little bit.” His hand retracted and Vio was just about to turn when Shadow fisted his tunic.

“No, wait...”

Vio blinked. “What is it, Shadow?”

He pulled Vio closer.

“Geez, I really did a number on you.” Shadow wanted Vio to be closer, he wanted to feel his pulse and touch and listen to his heartbeat. He pressed a tender kiss on his lips before prying his fingers off and leaving. “Love you, Shadow.”

He blinked as the door closed and sighed. He wanted Vio so badly. There was some sort of need inside him, a hole of sorts, that was apparently only filled when Vio was filling some other holes. He didn’t even know why he felt this way, when obviously, Vio didn’t feel this way, there was no way he could—not with the other guy he was sleeping with, his “friend with benefits,” and not with all the horrible things Shadow had done.

He was miserable for about a half hour more until Vio came back in, wearing his sweet little smile and holding a plate of food, steam rising up from the dish and wrapping around Vio’s face. He stared at him as he placed the food down and sat next to him, almost casually—as if it was normal for Shadow to be in there.

He was still thinking about how much Vio had to hate him when he ran a brush through his hair. He stiffened as Vio tugged it through his hair. “You didn’t shower, did you?” Shadow didn’t respond. “You still have cum in your hair.” He yanked the bristles through another lock and Shadow flinched. “I’ll help you shower later.”

His heart rat picked up. “H-Help...?”

“I could use anther shower too, I guess. I still feel sweaty. Come on, you need to eat.”

He shook his head, feeling kind of numb. “I’m not hungry.”

“Shadow, please, eat something.” He pressed a kiss to his cheek. “The more you eat, the longer we can stay in the shower.” 

Shadow bit his lip. In his head, all he saw was Vio’s mouth, wide open and dark, empty, bloody. 

Vio stabbed at something on the plate and brought the utensil to Shadow’s lips, coaxing it in. “Guess I’m spoon feeding you.”

“It’s a fork.”

“I’m very glad you know the difference, Shadow.”


	8. Chapter 8

If he could have, Shadow totally would have found Vio at the library the next day, but he couldn’t. After Vio let him stop eating, he did help him in the shower and it was very hot. Vio pressed kisses everywhere on his body and gripped his hips tightly, but they didn’t have sex and immediately afterwards, Vio wrapped him in a towel, dropped him on the bed and held him until they both fell asleep.

When he woke up, Vio wasn’t there. He put on his clothes and walked out of the room slowly. He was still in pain. If he tried to get to the library to see Vio, Vio would find him when he was returning home, hours before Shadow ever got a chance to spy on his love. 

Red was at the kitchen counter, drinking a mug of something. He grinned at him. “Hi, Shadow!”

“Morning.” It still felt weird to greet Red, and he acted so casual, even calling him “Shadow,” instead of “Shadow Link.” He couldn’t help but to wonder what Vio had told the others...

...And what he had left out.

“Um...I don’t want to be rude, but...” Red blushed. “You, uh...got something on your face.” When Shadow stared at him blankly, Red pointed at his cheek and Shadow’s face went scarlet.

 _Shit..._ He had totally forgotten about the hickey Vio gave him. “...Would you believe me if I said I fell down a staircase?”

“Since we don’t have a staircase, I guess not?” Red responded. “It’s fine, Vio...”He paused as if not sure how to finish. “He can be a bit...”

“Slutty.” Blue entered the room, his tunic in pristine condition, looking like he’d been awake for hours. “Vio can be slutty.”

“Blue!” Red scolded.

“What? It’s true! He can be a bit of a slut, that isn’t exactly a bad thing, he can do what he wants.”

Red shook his head. “Ignore him. Vio’s just a hormonal teenager, we all kind of are. How’d you sleep?”

“Fine, I guess.” He rubbed at his arm. It felt so weird, to have their eyes trained on him. He never would have thought he’d be uncomfortable with attention on him like this, but had they just forgotten about what he did? Who he was? Did they not care that he nearly killed Vio, that he ripped his tongue out? Sometimes when his mind wandered, he’d go back to that moment, and he’d be straddling Vio’s chest, clutching a knife and stroking Vio’s cheek, whispering for him to quit struggling before Shadow hurt him even more than he was already going to.

He wanted them to hate him as much as he hated himself right now, but even Blue didn’t look at him in anger, even though every time Shadow locked eyes with him, he heard bones breaking, snapping, being crushed by the head of Blue’s own hammer, breaking into multiple jagged pieces to stab at his skin and muscles. It all sickened him, but he wanted to know more. What else had he done? So many of the details were blurry.

“Hey, Shadow, want to help me make breakfast?” Red’s voice snapped him out of his self-hate and misery. He blinked as he came back to the present, looking at Red’s large eyes as he grinned. He was always grinning.

“Sure.”

Blue regarded both of them. “I’m gonna go water the stupid fucking plants.”

“Say hi to Yoshiko for me!” Red said before collapsing into a fit of giggles. Blue was already out the door.

It took five minutes for Red to recompose himself enough to speak. “Want to make cookies?”

Shadow didn’t know what a cookie was until he had helped Red bake them and got to try one. _Fucking amazing, that’s what cookies are._

“Blue’s gonna be so angry when he figures out we stayed in the kitchen for nine hours and baked all these cookies. He doesn’t even like cookies, and he likes cleaning up after me even less.”

“How can you not like these?” Shadow asked. He was genuinely confused.

Red shrugged. “I couldn’t say.” He yawned. “You...took your meds earlier, right?”

“Uh, yeah, with like, the first batch.”

“Good, I don’t think I did.” He yawned again. “I’m gonna go now.”

Shadow stayed in the dark for a minute, before Blue entered the kitchen and stared at him. “Not again.”

“...Again?”

“Red does this like, every two weeks—it’s too late for this, I’m going to bed.” He shook his head and turned towards the hallway, shouting, “RED!”

The front door creaked as it opened, Vio walking in slowly. “Goddesses. Not again.”

“Blue literally said the exact same thing.”

“Why does he always do this?”

“I probably didn’t help, I um...helped Red.”

Vio shrugged, set something down on the kitchen counter—a bag full of books—and picked up a cookie from the pile that Red had placed them in. “I mean, cookies are good, so like...it’s not all bad.” Shadow watched him eat it slowly, breaking off a piece with his lips and chewing a small bite, a small bit of chocolate on his lips. He must have noticed Shadow’s staring, because he swallowed and winked at Shadow before taking another bite. 

Shadow watched him swallow again and felt his blood rush south. “I’m...” Vio looked at him, waiting for him to finish. “...going to bed.”

He turned away before Vio could respond and walked to his room, but once he placed his hand on the doorknob, there was a hand on his hip. Shadow started.

“Hey.” He looked over his shoulder and straight into Vio’s perfect eyes. “Sorry, I just...I assumed you were sleeping in my room tonight.”

He struggled to start a sentence. Vio leaned in and kissed him gently, eyes closing. “You can go ahead and go in there,” he said when they parted. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

He managed a nod and once Vio’s hand retracted, he walked to Vio’s room.

Vio really was in there in a minute, holding something in his hand. For a minute, everything flickered and when Vio approached the bed, the wall behind him was grey and he had a knife in his hand, then everything went back to normal and Vio’s mouth was on his. Shadow placed his hand on the back of Vio’s head, grabbing at the hair there while Vio’s lips kneaded at his own gently. Vio pulled away to take off his belt and tunic and then wrapped his arms around Shadow’s waist, pinning him to the bed with his body.

“What’s that in your hand?”

“It’s a condom,” Vio said, kissing his neck. Shadow moaned and gripped Vio’s hair tighter.

“Wh-What’s a condom...?”

“Right, you wouldn’t know. Um, it’s a thing that, usually guys, wear during sex to prevent pregnancy and stuff.”

Shadow frowned. “But I’m a guy. I can’t get pregnant...can I?”

“No, it also prevents STD’s—things like that.” Shadow nodded, pretending to know what an STD was. “Honestly, we should have been wearing these things before, but we didn’t have them on hand.”

“...What do they do?” Shadow asked. He wasn’t exactly “innocent,” he was just slightly uneducated on these things.

“Well...I put one on before I fuck you, and it prevents my semen from getting inside you and will make sure neither of us get any sort of STD. But, mostly you.”

“Do...you have an STD?”

“Not that I know of, but we should still be smart about this.”

“But, I like having your semen in my ass.”

“Believe me, Shadow—you’ll like not getting an STD much more.”

“But, you don’t have one?”

“I don’t think I do?”

“Then, why do we need it?”

“Because you’re supposed to use it when you have sex.” He grabbed Shadow’s dick through his tights and started stroking him. “I’ll teach you sex ed some other time, for now, don’t you want to have some fun?”

He nodded and they were kissing again, stopping only to take their clothes off before collapsing on the bed again, only for Vio to flip Shadow on his stomach, putting pillows beneath his hips again.

He kissed his ear. “I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you too.” He heard some weird noise behind him and looked over his shoulder to see Vio putting something on his dick. “What the fuck?”

Vio smiled and kissed him again before thrusting inside. Shadow moaned while Vio fucked him slowly, stroking him gently and kissing his ear. He was being very slow, and a lot more gentle than the other night. Shadow wasn’t sure if this was a good thing, or if Vio needed to go faster.

He decided on the latter. “Faster, Vi.”

He placed another kiss on his ear. “But I need to be gentle with your cute little ass. Remember when you spent all day in my bed because you couldn’t stand, just the day before yesterday?”

“I wouldn’t mine spending a day in your bed if you’re there too.”

“Yes, but I have things I need to do. I can’t spend all day with you.”

 _Of course he can’t, why am I so fucking stupid and selfish?_ Something inside him broke like glass, shattering into a thousand tiny pieces. He stared at Vio’s mattress while his love caressed him gently. _I keep hurting him, why would he ever want to spend time with me, why is he even fucking me right now? Did I manipulate him into this?_

He saw the tear darken the bedsheet and wiped at his face. _What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I fucking like this? Of course it wasn’t going to last, he’s probably repulsed by me, he probably hates me. ...He probably has nightmares of all of it. He can’t stand me._

The sob that left his mouth was muffled, but not muffled enough. Vio behind him completely stopped. “Shadow?”

Another one, but it was quieter. 

“...Am I hurting you? Goddesses...” He pulled out and tried to get Shadow sitting up. “Shadow, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

 _WHY THE FUCK DID HE BRING ME BACK?_ He sobbed again and Vio pulled him close to his chest.

“Hey, hey, Shadow...” His voice was soft.

_Great, now he knows how pathetic I am. I’m so fucking pathetic. I’m horrible. I should seriously just die._

“Shh...It’s okay, Shadow. Just...let it all out. Shh...” There was a hand in his hair. “I love you, you know that.”

 _He’s lying to me again. WHY DOES HE ALWAYS HAVE TO LIE TO ME, WHY CAN’T HE JUST FUCKING ADMIT IT?_ He didn’t have the energy to really be angry, so he just sat there and cried. Everything would have been so much easier had Vio shoved him away and onto the floor. Why the fuck did he have to hold Shadow then, and place his hand on the back of his head and whisper sweet nothings into his ear? Everything felt like a lie.


	9. Chapter 9

When Shadow woke up, he was in Vio’s arms, his chin on his shoulder. “Are you awake?” He whispered.

“No,” he said, making Vio chuckle. 

He seemed to pull Shadow closer, and he didn’t know if he wanted the contact or if he wanted Vio to just never touch him again. He wasn’t sure if he should be happy, or angry still, or just really sad. He wanted Vio to touch him, more like, but didn’t want any of these thoughts in his head. He wanted to go back to the days when he either felt at ease around Vio or just felt that special kind of happiness, the kind that made his heart rate pick up and his toes curl and his face grow warm.

“What’s wrong with you?” He asked.

“What’s wrong with you?” Shadow asked, his tone heated. “You sleep with me at night, leave me at the first possible opportunity, and then just come back as if you haven’t spent the entire day ignoring me.”

Vio’s gaze softened. “You really feel like I’ve been ignoring you?”

“Yes!”

“Oh, Shadow, I didn’t know...I guess I have been _kind_ of ignoring you during most of the day, I just...” He flipped Shadow around so they were both resting on their sides, facing each other, heads on the same pillow. “...I love you a lot, Shadow. I guess I just...Ever since you woke up, I’ve been thinking about...”

Shadow swallowed. “I knew it.”

“Shadow, it doesn’t effect me nearly as much you think, I can tell. It’s been about a year and a half, remember?” Sometimes Shadow forgot if he was being honest. Because it felt like it might as well have been a week ago with how well he remembered it. “There’s a lot of distance between me now and what happened back then, and yes, sometimes...sometimes I have nightmares. And sometimes I think about it and what could have happened. And what we both did.”

He nodded. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“We both hurt each other, you know. A lot. And I don’t think that was really you, there was something affecting you, and...I don’t know what that was, but it was there, but...when I was about to jump out of that window—“

“Wait, you jumped out a window?”

Vio stopped and looked at him. “Yes. That was how it all...ended.”

Shadow was horrified, but he had no idea how to express his horror, so he just stayed silent. 

“Anyway, when I was about to jump out of that window, I looked at you and I saw you—just you, Shadow. And...you were in pain and in love and...you were _my_ Shadow, and for a minute...I saw you before multiple times, but every time everything I saw just...vanished. And someone I didn’t know replaced it. It felt like I was watching you die all over again, and it was horrible.

“I know you must feel guilty. I forgive you, though, Shadow. I just want you to forgive me.”

“Why did you do it, though?” He asked. “You didn’t have to—I could have, _we_ could have—“His voice broke and he couldn’t keep going.

“Shh, shh...” He stroked Shadow’s hair and smiled. “It’s okay.

“I didn’t want to betray you. I thought I had the whole picture, but I didn’t. And I hurt you. I made a mistake, but Shadow, believe me when I say that I will not repeat that mistake. I love you so, so much and I genuinely believe that we might be able to get this relationship to work, we just need to...communicate.”

_He’s lying,_ he thought. _He tried to leave me, then he actually left me, why does he keep leaving me, does he not love me? Of course he doesn’t, he left me, he left me, but he’s mine..._

“...Shadow? Are you okay?”

He shoved Vio away. “No!”

“Shadow, love, what—“ He reached out a hand as if he was going to touch Shadow’s face.

“Don’t touch me!” He shouted, flinching back. Vio’s hand stopped in the air. 

He got up and tried to find his clothes.

“Shadow, what did I do?” He didn’t respond, already putting on his tights, he needed to leave, he could not look at Vio right now, not with the thoughts of a psychopath running through his head. “Shadow!”

Vio grabbed onto his hand. “What did I do? Please talk to me, Shadow, I—“

In some attempt to get away from Vio, he threw himself backwards and fell on the floor, still tugging his clothes on. “Goddesses, are you okay? Shadow, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I just—“

“SHUT UP, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Vio stared at him with giant eyes, watching him dress hurriedly, his face red. He felt so guilty and so embarrassed, he was acting like such a prick! There was no way though, that he could explain this to Vio, Vio’d hate him for what he was thinking, he had to...

...he had to do what exactly?

He finished dressing in absolute silence, but Vio’s eyes still on him. He felt like he was going to be sick, but he didn’t apologize as he rushed out of Vio’s bedroom and into his own room. He was about to hyperventilate as he sat on the bed, staring at the door. It didn’t have a lock, so if Vio chose to chase after him, he could get in easily. 

He brought his knees to his chest and shut his eyes while he tried to calm down.

_HE’SMINEHE’SMINEHE’SMINEBUTHE’SNOT,WHYISHENOT?_

He didn’t want to think, but the room was silent and almost completely bare, so his thoughts seemed to pour out of his ears and go into the air, covering his eyes in a tangible darkness that made his heart pound and eyes close and head hurt. 

_I hurt him, I hurt him so much, this is never going to happen, he’s never going to love me, not after what I did. I snapped at him, I was so mean to him, I was just confused, I don’t want him to hate me, I couldn’t stop, I couldn’t stop, why did he fucking bring me back?_

There was a knock at the door, suddenly, drawing Shadow out of his thoughts. Through the door, the oh so familiar, perfect voice of Vio called out his name softly. “Shadow?”

He looked at the door and rubbed at his eyes. He tasted salt on his lips. “Shadow? Can I come in, please?”

His voice didn’t work. He didn’t say anything.

“Shadow?” Another knock. “...I’m coming in, okay?”

The door creaked open slowly and he stepped in, still so painfully calm. Shadow seriously didn’t want to look at him, but he was already examining him, his perfect eyes and pointy chin and soft smile. “Shadow?”

His words died in his throat. He didn’t know what to say anyway.

He got closer and sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand through Shadow’s hair gently. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He wanted more of that gentle contact, he wanted it to never end. He wanted to never be away from Vio, and that was why he hated it when Vio touched him like this. Because he knew that’d it stop soon.

Because Vio, the love and light of his life, had a life too, outside of _him._ So no matter how much he wanted to cling to Vio and spend all of his time with him, that obviously wasn’t going to happen. Vio couldn’t save him, Vio couldn’t make him better. 

_If I was dead,_ he thought. _I wouldn’t have to get better._

“Shadow, I really am sorry, but...we need to talk. Do you...need some time? I mean, we don’t have to talk now, if you don’t want to, I just...need to know, because the idea of you needing company and me not knowing and being unable to comfort you, that just...I love you and I really care about you, and I want you to know I’m here for you, whenever you want to talk.”

“What do you want to talk about?” _Probably how much he hates me and how I’m a fucking psycho and he’ll never actually love me and I should just drop dead._

“Lots of stuff. I know you’re aware that I’ve been seeing someone.” Shadow suddenly didn’t want to look at Vio. “Shadow, I’m just friends with him. Friends with benefits, but if it bothers you and you do want a relationship, I’ll stop sleeping with him. Or, maybe you want an open relationship where you can see other people?”

“Why would I want to see anyone but you?” He was genuinely confused—it made sense for Vio, because Shadow was worthless and evil, of course he didn’t want to stay in a relationship with him, but why would he ever think Shadow could ever be truly happy with anyone who wasn’t Vio?

“Because...”He gave a small, sad smile and laced Shadow’s fingers with his. “You might figure out you don’t want a long relationship with me. Maybe you’ll think we aren’t right for each other, or you’ll end up loving someone else.”

Shadow shook his head. “No, no, no—I love you!”

“Shadow...” His hold on his hand tightened. “I love you too. But again, it’s been a year and a half, and as much as I love you, I know things between us might not work out, I know I might personally get interested in someone else, but you don’t...really know what you like, love. I’ve had time, you haven’t. With you, it’s...always been me.”

“But...I don’t want anyone but you.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe now. But when you start leaving the house, when you start doing things and meeting new people?”

“But you have everything I’d want in a guy—blond, hot, smart, ten inches, if not more.”

“Shadow, I’m serious.”

“But...” He was trying to find an argument, but the gentle look in Vio’s eyes had a tendency to leave him speechless, and this time was no different.

“Hey, love, you can just think about this for now, okay?” He ran a hand through Shadow’s hair again and kissed his nose. “I love you, alright? You can think about this for a while, if you want.”

“I-I...I love you, Vio. So much. I...”

“Just think, Shadow, okay? We can talk later about this, and it’s totally fine if you don’t even want to get into a relationship right now. Whatever you want.” He kissed his temple and then got to his feet. “I’ll be in my room, reading, if you want me.”

_Of course I want you, I always want you._ He watched Vio leave.

He very much wanted to follow him, because he didn’t know what else he could possibly want, but if he followed Vio to his room, they’d have to talk about this, and Shadow didn’t want to talk about it, because he knew what Vio meant when he said all this. He had meant to say that he didn’t love Shadow and did not want to be anywhere near Shadow for long periods of time because he was unstable and psychotic and he was too nice to mercilessly off Shadow now, so the best he could hope for was some other poor soul getting stuck with Shadow until they could pass him off to someone else. 

Vio’s gentle voice made everything that much more painful.

He hugged his knees again, sinking back into his misery and loneliness. 

There was more knocking.

“Go away,” he said, not bothering to look up.

“Um, Shadow?” It was Red this time. “This is...kind of important. Can I come in?”

He rubbed at his face, seriously hoping it hadn’t been obvious he was crying. “Oh, yeah, sure.”

The door opened and he stepped in, holding something behind him. He definitely noticed that Shadow’s face was red, that his eyes were puffy, but he didn’t comment on it and Shadow had to admit that he was very grateful for that. 

“Uh, what is it?”

“I have a secret,” he said, his voice was quiet. He closed the door with his foot and got even closer. “You can...keep this quiet, right?”

“...I guess?”

He brought whatever he was hiding out from behind his back and showed Shadow. “I think we can keep this a secret just between the two of us!”

It was a kitten.

Shadow blinked as it began to lick it’s paw. “What the fuck?” He whispered quietly.


	10. Chapter 10

The kitten was pure black with only three legs, tiny and shivering, missing fur in spots. A bald patch was behind her left ear and on her back, her right ear having a small piece missing and she had ridiculously long whiskers with a pair of green eyes that stared at Shadow intently only to close as she sneezed, her tiny body shaking.

“I think she’s inbred,” Red said.

“What makes you think that?” Shadow asked, looking at the small cat.

“Because of her mouth.” Shadow looked closer. One of her canine teeth refused to stay in her mouth, and instead crept out of her tiny black lips, sharp and needle like with a couple other, smaller, less jagged teeth. “That’s like, a thing inbred cats have, I think?”

“What’s with her leg? Or, like, her lack thereof?”

“I don’t know, she might have been abused.” Red patted her head.

“Why?”

“People don’t usually treat black cats super good.”

“...Why?”

“They’re considered unlucky, because like, witches or something.”

Shadow nodded, but that still didn’t explain much. “...So, why are we keeping this a secret?”

“Because I’m not sure how well they’ll respond if we just have a cat, so like, I’m gonna tell them first. Probably tomorrow. But like, I share a room with Green, so like...can you watch her?”

“Why are you trusting me with this?” Shadow asked. Red set the kitten on the floor, and she just sat down between them, looking up and turning her head to gaze at whoever was speaking.

“Because. I keep talking with you and...I felt like I could trust you with this. I feel like we bonded...look, it’s okay, I mean, I’m the one who found the cat, I’d appreciate it if you could just keep her in your room, but I mean, it’s totally fine if you don’t want that.”

Shadow sighed. Red was too nice to him. “It’s fine. I didn’t plan to do that much today, I’ll just...watch this cat.”

“You can name her!” Red said.

“Why would I name her?”

“Because the two of you are going to be friends now.” Red blinked. “She is your best friend now.”

“Alright then.” He sighed. The cat batted at his boots. “I’ll watch her, but just so you know, the only animal I’ve ever cared for was like, a trillion times bigger than her, so like...she better not be fragile.”

“No, she’s tough. Like you, or Blue, or Green!”

Shadow looked at her. She sneezed so hard, her entire body shook and she fell. “You’re very tough.”

“Thank you, Shadow!”

He left, leaving Shadow alone with a three legged kitten he was suddenly paranoid he’d crush beneath his feet. He glanced around his room, suddenly not wanting to look at the cat. The room was still weirdly empty, not like Vio’s cluttered, cozy room. It mostly just had a bed and in the corner, a small bookcase with a couple tomes and novels. He looked over at them—and saw a book full of baby names. He looked at the cat. “Let’s give you a name, you little shit.”

He grabbed the book and sat on the bed. The cat tried to follow, but hit the edge of the bed and was knocked back on the floor, so she just meowed on the floor.

“Well, I decided—you’re name’s Ayame.”

She meowed.

“What?”

She meowed again.

“...Okay, fine, that was a stupid name, anyway.” He flushed, somehow embarrassed by the fact he had a kitten in his bedroom. He didn’t even _like_ animals. “Your name is Mie.”

She meowed.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Mie.”

Another meow.

“...Do you want on the bed?” The cat did not respond. Shadow sighed and picked her up with one hand, setting her down on the bed beside him. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be so tiny. Why are you so fucking tiny?”

She laid down. “Alright, then.”

He collapsed on the bed. “I hate fucking everything.”

The cat meowed again.

“You’re really talkative...” He sighed. _I wonder if Vio likes cats..._ He flushed. _I’m still fucking thinking about him. I don’t ever stop thinking about him. This isn’t fair—it’s his fault!_

He bit his lip, trying to find some way to entertain himself that wasn’t sleeping. He did not know what to do with the cat. He looked back at the bookshelf. _Vio likes reading..._

Reluctantly, he went back to the bookshelf and glanced at the various spines. He felt stupid for a reason he couldn’t fathom as he glanced at them before slowly taking one out with the time title of _Lie._

He looked at the back. “A commentary on honesty and morality, the story follows successful lawyer and author Aiko Yakari as her past catches up with her through an old friend who her lies and silvertongue lead to many unwise decisions that resulted in Yakari’s murder as she navigates the afterlife in an attempt to understand what her life was and who she was,” the back read. Shadow trusted the back.

He sat back down on the bed and cracked it open to the first page.

_Aiko’s eyes open to the same old ceiling it always does, and very briefly, her still half-asleep mind comes across the realization that she has only twelve hours to live. For a minute, she is horrified, but the horror vanishes, evaporating in the unbearable heat of her bedroom as she groans and struggles to get to her door. She closes it firmly behind her and goes to the kitchen, already forgetting about her realization as the rising sun stains the world with color. Eleven hours and fifty nine minutes to live._

_And she has not the slightest clue._

Shadow sighed and noted the sky was beginning to darken outside. He felt like he needed to get out of the room, because it was way too small for him to pace in, at the moment, the world doesn’t seem like it was going to be able to contain his pacing, and he needed to do something with himself. The kitten sat on the bed, sleeping quietly as he got up and exited the room.

Red grinned at him, behind the counter with a bowl in his hand. “Perfect timing, I need someone to keep me company!” Shadow sat in front of Red as he ranted about something, still aggressively stirring whatever was in the bowl.

Someone knocked on the front door and Red suddenly looked very panicked as he stared at the bowl in his hands and then back at the door.

“...I can get that,” Shadow offered.

“Ohmygoddesses, would you?” Red asked. “I’ve been kind of busy—Green went to get more groceries, Blue found some sort of wild animal in the garden, and I think Vio’s asleep his sleep schedule’s a wreck, and just—you’re a lifesaver!”

The person at the front door was a guy Shadow had never seen before in his life. He was pale, but had quite a bit more color than Shadow, with dark eyes and even darker hair, offering a friendly smile at Shadow. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Eiji.”

“Shadow.”

“I hope I’m not bothering you, I’m looking for Vio. Is he home?” He froze. “Am I at the wrong house again?”

“N-No, this...” His head felt fuzzy suddenly. “Vio’s home, I’l just...” He looked over at Red who was now staring at him with wide eyes. “I’ll go get him, I guess.”

“Oh, great, thank you.”

He didn’t make himself move any faster than he had to—he felt like he was going to trip and fall. He knocked on Vio’s bedroom door. Was _that guy_ Vio’s friend?

“Just a moment...” The door swung open and he was drowning in Vio’s eyes again. “Hey, Shadow, love, what is it?”

“There’s...” _Vio..._ “A guy...He...”

Vio nodded as if he understood and followed Shadow back out. Eiji smiled at Vio and Shadow thought he was gonna be sick as he went back over to Red.

“Hey, Eiji, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, um, can I speak to you, Vi?” He asked. Shadow nearly screamed—he was calling him _Vi?_ “In private.”

“Of course, come on, let’s just go to my room.”

Shadow glanced at Eiji as he followed Vio to his bedroom, and he realized that Eiji had a really nice ass.

He turned to Red and continued to help him by chopping up vegetables. In a matter of moments, the two of them were exiting Vio’s room, still talking. “Eiji, it’s fine, I completely understand.”

“You always do.” Eiji flashed a smile at Vio. The knife Shadow had grazed his fingertips.

“Well, guess I’ll see you, tomorrow then?” Vio smiled back and then the two were hugging. Shadow didn’t care that the knife was just getting his fingers now and the cutting board was covered in blood, he couldn’t look away from Vio.

They parted to exchange goodbyes and finally, Shadow stopped, looking at all the blood, feeling hollow suddenly.

Maybe that was blood loss.

“”It was nice meeting you,” Eiji said as he left, and the door had closed before Shadow realized he had been talking to him.

“Holy sh—Are you okay?” Red stared at him with eyes that seemed much larger now.

“I’m fine,” Shadow said, but no one could believe him. “I-I...”

“Geez, that looks like a crime scene,” Vio said. “I’ll go get the first aid.”

Red took the knife away and the cutting board soaked in blood. “Shadow, are you okay? Like, actually okay, you got all...”

“I’m fine.”

Vio returned with a gentle smile and immediately grabbed his hand, his bleeding fingers. Red looked at both of them. “I’m...going to go get Blue.”

“What was that all about?” Shadow whispered.

“Eiji has found another lover who would very much prefer it if he remained monogamous.” He kissed Shadow’s temple. “Come on, let’s get you to the sink.”

He ignored the stinging as the water rushed over his wounds. “What’s that mean?”

“I’m not seeing him.”

“Oh.” He felt very happy.

“Yeah. We’re still friends though. We just aren’t sleeping together. I was going to break up with him eventually anyway.” He smiled at Shadow and then rolled his hands out of the running water. “Okay, what did you do to your fingers?”

“I don’t know.” He swallowed and continued to drown in his love’s eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

Shadow decided not to sleep with Vio that night, mostly just to prove to himself that he had some sort of control, but when he walked into his room he felt so unbelievably lonely and missed Vio so much, it didn’t feel like he had had control before hand, like someone had possessed him and made him turn down Vio’s offer. _But,_ he tried to argue with himself. _I need to watch this little fucker._

He wanted Vio so much, and so bad it hurt.

Mie mewed at him and climbed into his lap. Her gait seemed strange, but she had little problem jumping since her hind legs were just fine. She just struggled with landing. A lot.

“Your mouth is fucked up,” Shadow told her as she laid down. “I thought cats were supposed to be cute.”

She yawned and closed her eyes.

Shadow grabbed the book again. He was ten pages in when he was interrupted again by a knock on the door. “Shadow?”

“Fuck,” he said, looking down at the cat. “Just give me a second, Vio!”

He could literally carry Mie in one hand. “In the closet you go,” he said, placing her on the ground and closing the door. He went to the door and opened it. “Hi, Vio.”

“Hey.”

“Did you need something?”

“I just wanted to check on you—are you okay? How’s your hand?”

Vio had cleaned and bandaged it for him and Shadow had refused to eat dinner, instead laying in his room, his injured hand on his chest, thinking of Vio. “It’s fine.”

“...Can I see it?”

Shadow swallowed. He had a feeling he knew where this was going—it seemed to hang in the air every time Vio got close to him with _that_ look in his eye. Goddesses, he loved that look.

Vio grabbed his hand gently, eying it. His blood hadn’t soaked through the bandages completely, but there was some red coloring. “It doesn’t hurt too bad, does it?”

Shadow shook his head. “It...feels just fine.”

“Good.” He grabbed his other hand. “What about this one?” He laced their fingers together gently.

“I didn’t do anything to that one.”

Vio smiled at him and brought it slowly to his lips. He swallowed again and watched him kiss his hand before he just placed his fingertip in his mouth and sucked gently.

“Vio...”

He kept going, moving from his pointer to his middle before taking it out and smiling at Shadow again. “You’re perfect.”

_Wasn’t that what I said to him all the time? I called him perfect, all the time..._ Vio kissed him gently, pulling him out of his thoughts and taking Shadow’s bottom lip into his mouth.

They parted.

“If you want to, you can come to my room with me...” His fingertips went right below his hairline, nails scratching gently.

“Okay,” he said, about ready to throw himself off a cliff if that meant Vio’d keep touching him like this. “Um, just...I’ll be there in a sec, give me a minute.”

“Alright...” He kissed him again, slowly. “Don’t keep me waiting too long.”

Mie meowed in the closet. Vio frowned. “What was—“

Shadow kissed him again. “I won’t, just give me a moment, Vi.” He shoved him out the door, closed it and immediately went to the closet.

Mie walked out and jumped back on Shadow’s bed.

“You’re gonna stay in here for the night,” he said. “Can you be really quiet for me?”

She yawned and closed her eyes. _Nice to know the crippled stray Red found isn’t gonna stop me from getting laid._

He closed the door behind him and went to Vio’s room.

It looked like he had cleaned it a bit, and the bed was made perfectly, Vio standing by his dresser. “Hey.”

Shadow closed the bedroom door. By the looks of it, Vio had been in the middle of changing—he had stripped off his tunic and undershirt, now dressed in only his boots and tights, exposing his chest and stomach and shoulders. Or maybe Vio had intended for Shadow to walk in when he was topless. He didn’t know.

All of a sudden, his hands were on his hips and he was being pulled to the bed. He took Shadow’s clothes off slowly, kissing him gently until he was fully exposed before taking off his remaining clothes as well.

He pressed gentle kisses on his neck as he pinned him down by the waist, taking Shadow’s earlobe in between his lips and running a hand down his inner thigh until his fingers reached the back of his knee, rubbing a circle while he placed a hickey on his neck. Vio frowned and sat down on the bed before taking Shadow into his lap instead and pinching around his nipple. He shivered in Vio’s arms, even though he was feeling warm. He responded the same when he caressed right below his navel. Shadow kissed him and fisted his hair, but Vio didn’t stop what he was doing.

He ran a hand down his spine. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“Looking for the sacrum, it’s small and triangular, at the end of the spinal cord.” He heard Vio lick his lips. “It should be right around here...” He fondled something that made Shadow gasp.

“Liked that?” Vio asked.

He nodded. Vio continued to mess with his body a little more—the crease between his upper thigh and his ass, his lower abdomen, a kiss on his Adam’s apple made him moan.

He laid Shadow down on his back and pulled his thighs apart, stroking the bottom side of his shaft. He moaned. “Is that good?” He stroked his scrotum a bit before grabbing Shadow’s hips and sucking on the head of his cock. Shadow dug his heels into the bed, groaning again as Vio continued to suck for another minute before he placed one of Shadow’s legs over his shoulder. His fingers went back, but this time a bit below his head, on the underside, the fingers on his other hand going to Shadow’s mouth.

He ran his tongue over them, feeling weirdly calm, even with how hot he was in between his legs. Vio gave him a smile while he stroked him.

He had to stop sucking on Vio’s fingers to moan. “How are you—“ He pulled both of his hands away and he whined.

Vio pushed his middle finger inside him and then groaned, licking his lips and pressing kisses on his inner thigh. 

There was a very loud meow.

Vio pulled away. “Was that a meow?”

“Um...that was me?”

“What?”

“...I’m a furry.”

“Since when?”

Mie mewed again.

“Shadow, you aren’t a furry.”

“You don’t know that. What? Does my furriness make you uncomfortable?”

“Kioka’s a furry.”

“Wait, really?”

“Shadow, that wasn’t you—“ He paused. “Did Red bring another stray cat into the house?”

“No, it’s me, I...meow when I get turned on.”

“I don’t think you understand how furries work. Don’t worry, we’ll get Kioka to explain it to you, she’d love to. It sounds like it’s coming from your room.”

“Vio, no.”

He was already getting out of bed. “Lets go look at this cat.”

“Or, or, you can put me on the bed, on my hands and knees and do me doggy style. I mean, cats suck.”

“I’ll hump you later, come on.”

He followed Vio back to his room. Mie was pawing at the door and meowing repeatedly, as if the house was on fire, looking up at them pleadingly.

Vio sighed. “Red’s heart’s too big for his body...doesn’t help he’s significantly shorter than the rest of us.” He knelt down and rubbed me hind Mie’s ears. “What’s your name, sweetie?”

“...I named her Mie.”

Vio smiled. “That’s a lovely name.” He looked at the cat. “Usually, the cats Red finds are a lot less...ugly.”

For some reason, Shadow found himself slightly offended, as if Vio had insulted him. “I think Mie’s beautiful.” He picked up Mie easily and held her against his chest. “Don’t listen to him, you’re so cute.”

Vio smiled. “You’re cuter.” He got up. “Come on, you and Mie are sleeping in my room tonight.”

He followed Vio back to his bedroom, holding Mie tightly. She had stopped meowing. Vio kept smiling at him, as if maybe he found it humorous to see Shadow bare ass naked clutching a three legged kitten to his chest.

Once they got back to his room, Vio put his clothes back on. “I’m gonna get some water and pray the others didn’t hear. Do you want anything?”

“No.”

He smiled and left.

“Apparently, you can stop me from getting laid,” he muttered, petting the cat. “What’s your problem?”

She didn’t meow or say anything, the audacity.

Vio came back and placed a bowl of water on the floor. Mie jumped out of Shadow’s lap and went to it, but instead of drinking any, she sat and stared at her reflection.

Vio sat on the bed next to him, stroking his cheek. “I didn’t know you liked cats.”

“I didn’t, either.”

He chuckled, leaned over and kissed him. Shadow kissed back, grabbing at his hips.

Vio pinned him down again, pressing his mouth against his, stroking his chest. He pulled away quickly. “Is...Is the cat watching...?”

Mie had her eyes trained on Shadow. She mewed worriedly and hopped on the bed next to him and pawed at Vio.

“Oh, no, Mie, stop.” She did not, meowing again. Shadow grabbed her. “He’s not hurting me.”

She curled up on his stomach, yawned and fell asleep. “This cat will be the death of me.”

Vio smiled and pressed a kiss on his temple. “We’ll try tomorrow.” He stripped back down and laid down with him. “I love you, Shadow.”

“I love you too.”

He woke up to the cat on his face, her claws tangled in his hair. He groaned and groped the other side of the bed, trying to find Vio, but he grasped air. He opened his eyes and stared straight into Mie’s.

“Mie, you fucking _suck.”_

She meowed and tried to leave, but the claws on her only front paw were tangled in his hair and all she managed to do was yank on his hair. He carefully got her claws out and she ran away. He dressed slowly and tried to exit the room without Mie noticing, but it creaked and she darted out once she noticed. “Shit...”

The moment he left the room, he heard Vio’s voice. “...that’s her.”

“What is with her whiskers? They, like...drag on the floor.”

“I think they’re cute!”

Green was chugging coffee in the corner while the other’s surrounded a kitten on the floor. Vio smiled at Shadow while he got closer and knelt down next to him. Mie meowed and immediately went to him, rubbing her face against his hand.

“What’s their name?” Green asked.

“I don’t know, Shadow was supposed to pick one out for her.”

“I...” This was way too early to have people’s eyes trained on him, and he was still tired, and how did they not hate him? “I named her Mie.”

“That’s a weird name,” Red said.

“Could be worse, you could have named her Blackie or something stupid.” Blue glanced at Red.

“Next time, I’m naming you Chad.”

“Why Chad?”

“Because anyone with the name Chad is a jerk!”

Mie meowed as if his attention had stayed on Blue and Red for too long and needed to be directed on her now.

“How’d you sleep?” Vio asked.

“Good.”

“Good.” He smiled at him.

Everyone went about their normal morning activities. Red cooked breakfast, enlisting Shadow for some help. Green disappeared to get more sleep, and Blue went out to the garden to water the plants and curse them out, his shouts heard from inside the house. The only thing different was that Vio was sitting across the counter from Red and Shadow, holding a very tiny kitten that kept sneezing and yawning.

“Is she tired?” Red asked.

“Probably,” Vio said, and he yawned. “She stayed up last night a lot. When she wasn’t laying on Shadow, she was trying to tear my curtains. I had to stay up to keep an eye on her.”

“Vio, you should have told me, you could have woken me up.”

“Maybe I should have. At one point, she started pawing at your face a lot. I think she thought you were dead. You woke up, mumbled something about me, and then went back to sleep.”

“I can make you a cup of coffee!” Red offered.

“That’d be great. I should probably leave soon, I need to get to the library. Eiji said he had things to do today, so it’s just me and Kioka.”

“I’ll make it really quickly!”

Vio yawned again, petting the cat some more who climbed onto the counter to look at Shadow.

Shadow stared back at her.

It became a competition.

Vio watched. “I should probably get her off there.” He made no move to do so.

Mie sat down, but did not break her eye contact. 

“...are you winning?” Vio asked.

Shadow did not respond, worried he’d blink when he spoke.

The cat yawned again, closing her eyes. Shadow claimed victory.

Red placed a mug down in front of Vio.

Shadow tried to not make it obvious he was watching while Vio lifted it to his lips, the steam wrapping around his head. He watched him swallow and pull it away before sighing. “I really need to go. Thank you, Red.”

“You’re welcome, Vio!” He chirped.

Vio flashed him a smile as he left, leaving the cat to watch them. A couple moments passed before Red spoke up. “You can go after him.”

“Huh?”

“Vio. You can go after him. I know you did the other day. It’s okay. I can do this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course! I think i’s sweet you visit him at the library! I wish Blue or Green would do that for me—but I don’t go the library or leave the house much, so they can’t. It’s fine!”

“Alright.”

“You took your medication, right?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Red.”

“No problem!”

The library was the same, except Vio—instead of sitting in a chair and reading, he wandered around, organizing books, placing them in the right spot.

Meaning Shadow moved around to make sure Vio didn’t see him.

He wasn’t stalking Vio, though! No, no, he wanted to talk to him, he was following him around with the intention of speaking to him, he just didn’t know what to say, so he watched Vio move and moved when Vio turned around just so he wasn’t caught unsure of what to say. That was definitely what was going on, of course.

At some point, Shadow backed away from Vio, trying to put some distance in between the two—and smacked into someone else.

“Oh, it’s Shadow!” Kioka exclaimed. “Hi, there, honey! How are you?” She was still wearing a snake like a scarf.

“I, um...” What was he supposed to say?

“What are you doing here? Stalking Vio again?”

He flushed. “I was not stalking him.” 

There was a girl standing next to Kioka, with a light blue bob and purple eyes, dressed in white. “I’ll talk to you some other time,” she said to her, already linking arms with Shadow and dragging him away. “I swear, colored hair is just getting more and more popular—you have no idea how many guys came in yesterday with purple hair, like yours. Like, four. That’s almost the same amount of fingers I have on my hand. So, what are you doing here, since I have a feeling it’s not to visit me.”

“I um...I was bored so I figured I’d come here.” He didn’t add that he felt like he shouldn’t be there. Like he shouldn’t be so open about his existence and should instead shove himself into a really dark, cramped closet, or file himself away in a cabinet.

“Cool! You can keep me company while I do some paperwork!” She continued to drag him over to near the entrance to a desk covered in papers. “So, Vio told me that you need some clarification on what a furry is.”

“Huh?”

“It’s alright, honey. I understand—you see, a lot of people think that furries are just a bunch of perverts who dress up in costumes. Usually, they’re depicted as sad, homosexual men, but even in the community, there is not one definition for being a furry.” Shadow decided to just nod and listen to her. “Whether or not you consider yourself a furry is really what makes you a furry, but for the most part, people only think of furries the way they do now because the minority of the community decided to have the loudest voices and perverted it massively. And now you mostly learn what a furry is from people who hate furries, and the vast majority of them have absolutely no sexual interest in any sort of animal.”

Shadow nodded. “Right. Got it. ...Sorry.”

“I’m very glad we discussed this.”

“I was uh, trying to hide the fact there was a cat in my bedroom, and saying I was a furry was the first excuse that came to mind.”

“...Why was there a cat in your bedroom? And why would claiming to be a furry hide that? Wait, what? Honey, don’t just keep a cat in your bedroom. Keep it in like, a living room, something larger.”

“It’s a long story.”

Kioka nodded. “I see.”

“You’ve been taking those pills?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, good. You make Vio really happy, darling, so don’t die of organ failure now.” She smiled. “He talks about you all the time, you sound like a nice guy, and like, one of those genuine nice guys, not the ones who just claim to be a nice guy and wear fedoras.” She sighed sadly. “I used to love fedoras.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Sorry, I’m rambling, I don’t mean to...” She seemed embarrassed. “I have like, crippling social anxiety, which is weird because I love to talk to people, but like, I get so nervous that I just can’t control my mouth anymore, I like cope with anxiety by talking a lot, and trying to get people to laugh, but you aren’t laughing...” She stopped with a nervous laugh. “I’m sorry, I’m all...weird today.”

“It’s fine...are you okay?”

Kioka sighed. “No, not really, but I’ll be alright. Thanks for asking. Anyway, darling—how are you adjusting? I can’t help but feel that going from nothing to living with the most chaotic people in Hyrule might be...” She searched for an adjective but came up with nothing. “You know?”

Shadow shrugged. “It’s...different. And really stressful. But, better than nothing, I guess, and...I get to hang out with Vio.”

“That’s always a plus—I mean, look at him! He’s hot! Frankly, not my type, and he’s gay, but still. Oh, are you dating him, honey?”

“...It’s complicated.”

“Oh.” She nodded. “Don’t worry, I totally understand. Relationships are complicated, y’know. I kind of just assumed, because...he loves you. Like a lot. I can see it in his eyes every time he talks about you.”

“I feel like he shouldn’t.”

“Aw...” She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “You’re great, Shadow. Everyone should love you.”

“Did...he actually tell you everything, or...?”

“Don’t get me wrong, Shadow—you did some fucked up things. You aren’t perfect, but some good things came out of it. Hyrule got to rebuild. Poverty has diminished by a couple percent. Princess Zelda urged the rest of the royal family to legalize same sex marriage, like, a lot. We have multiple new advancements in technology. You know, people rebuild and push through. Wounds heal.” She gave a weak smile. “I think you can be alright!”

He swallowed. Kioka had moved a lot closer to him, and he was able to see a couple of details he hadn’t seen before. Her eyes were hazel, for one thing, dark and pretty, studying him. She had a small tattoo below her jaw in black, it looked like some sort of crack, a fracture on her skin in ink. 

“Thanks, Kioka.”

“Honey, Vio’s coming, do you want to like, hide or greet hi—“


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I have to apologize for how long it’s taken me to write this and I need to also apologize for how short it is. You’d think after, like, twenty days, I’d have at least over two thousand words, but nope. Usually I get WAY more, but due to some recent events, I’ve found myself feeling...different. Regardless, I’m going to try and push through and write more often, so here it is—the twelfth chapter of Heal.

“Hey, there, Shadow.”

He bit his lip and tried to think of a reason to be here. He felt like he shouldn’t be there, but when he turned around, Vio was smiling like the entire world was perfect.

“Hey, Vio, darling,” Kioka spoke up. “I was just talking to Shadow about some books he really needs to read, do you have any you want to add to the list?”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you listed all of your own books?”

“That’s not the point, the point is to keep your friend here entertained while you work.” She winked at Vio and nudged Shadow in the ribs, as if she didn’t know the definition of the word subtlety. 

Vio rolled his eyes. “I’d recommend Pretty Potential, it’s written beautifully, and is’s pretty diverse. “And Broken Bones and Burst Hearts is one of my favorites, you might like that one a bit more.”

“Wow, Vio, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you like Aimee Dess and her work more than mine.”

“I love your work, Oka, but you seriously need to work on your diversity, especially racially speaking. I know a lot of people in Hyrule have less color than a cotton ball, but still.”

She sighed. “I know.”

“I should go back to tidying the shelves.” He looked over at Shadow. “About how much longer do you plan to stay here?”

“Um...I don’t know.”

He smiled. “Well, I plan on taking a break in about ten minutes. Maybe I can help you find those books.”

“Oh, okay.” He flushed as Vio kept his gaze before walking away.

Kioka sighed. “The two of you are the only evidence that proves love still exists.” She shook her head.

“That’s a huge exaggeration,” he said.

Kioka shrugged. “The two of you are adorable together. I know you aren’t like, an item, but still, you’re adorable.”

He nodded.

“Well, I’m so happy you came to talk to me, you’ve kept me very entertained—but I’ll let you run away to the very attractive man who is most certainly not your boyfriend.” Another wink and a laugh was all she did to respond to his flush. “Go on ahead.”

“Bye, Kioka.”

“See you, hon!”

He found Vio rather easily, and in no time at all, there was a hand on his back and Vio was pressing novels into his arm.

“Vio, if you hand me another, my arms might like, stop working.”

He saw him smile. “Okay that’s probably enough, you’re right. Come on, we should go...” He took a step forward, but bumped into Shadow’s side and all the books in his arms spilled over. They both leaned down to pick them up at exactly the same time, their foreheads hitting each other before Vio just cupped the side of his face and smiled.

Everything was still, but Shadow was still trembling in anticipation. He wanted to drag Vio back to his and the others’ house and into his room and crawl in bed with him. He wanted to hold onto Vio and never let go. He wanted Vio to touch him everywhere he could.

He pressed his lips gently on Shadow’s skin. On his lips, his nose, both his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids his chin—when he was done, he just leaned his forehead against his and sighed. “You’ve no idea what it’s like to have you back, Shadow. I just...I can’t get over that, just yet. You’re great.”

“You’re perfect,” he breathed.

Vio’s smile seemed sad suddenly, pitiful, almost. Shadow shivered as Vio helped him gather his books and lead him towards the entrance, but he doesn’t push Shadow out of that door or anything, he leads him to a counter Kioka’s sitting at.

“Geez—have enough books?”

“I was actually tempted to grab more, but I don’t want Shadow to break his arms.” One of his arms is around Shadow’s waist. He realizes finally that the stack of books Vio had placed in his arms had been divided in half, and Vio was holding half for him in one arm, and the only reason he hadn’t noticed was because he had been too busy thinking about how great it’d be if that hand on his waist slipped down.

Kioka wrote some stuff down in an open book full of blank, lined paper—or maybe it was parchment? Shadow had never learned the difference or really bothered too—as she flipped the covers open on the books. She finished rather quickly before she looked up at them. “There!” She exclaimed. “You’re all set.”

“Thanks, Oka.” Vio smiled at Shadow. “So, are you going to go back home now? If you want, you can take that half of books, and I can take these when I walk home.”

“Can...” He had to look away from his eyes if he was going to finish his question. “Can I stay? Maybe we could...walk home together when you’re...done?” It felt weird to call it home. He thought, for sure, Vio would say something, or look at him weird, but he only smiled.

“I’d love that, Shadow. I should be ready to go in a couple of hours, but if you want to go home earlier than that, don’t wait for me.”

“I...” You’re so fucking perfect. 

Vio smiled. “I gotta get back to working, love. Sorry.”

“I can hold onto those books for you, Shadow!” Kioka said, happily. She grabbed the stack Vio was holding and placed it on the counter, letting him leave. “You can just start on one and find a chair to sit on, and I’ll keep an eye on these for now.”

“Thanks, Kioka.”

“Aw. Anytime, hon.”

He picked the one titled Broken Bones and Burst Hearts because the cover had a skull with a heart carved into the cheekbone, but not like the shape, like the organ, and it looked really cool. He tried to find where Vio was at the moment, sat down in the chair nearest him and opened it to the first page. Before he had gotten so much as a word in, Vio walked past him, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek before continuing his walk elsewhere, and it took all his willpower to stay where he was and not follow Vio around.

It was then, he realized, that the book in his hand smelled like Vio.

It was surprisingly interesting to read, but he made a ton of mental notes of things he’d need to ask Vio to explain to him, and there was a lot of things he didn’t quite understand. It wasn’t exactly a romance story—the main character was some sort of doctor who (accidentally?) killed one of her patients, who also happened to be her lover, and she was coming to terms with it. A lot of the scenes were pretty violent and descriptive, but he found himself enthralled.

He totally understood why Vio liked reading so much.

At first, he noted that Vio would occasionally walk past him and smile or wink at him, but he was so into his story, the world seemed to fade, and all he knew was words on the page and he kind of liked that.

But there was still that nagging thought in the back of his mind. He was so, so obsessed with Vio, but he didn’t want Vio to not be on his mind, and even though Vio wasn’t on his mind as he read, he felt that reading was his thing, and therefore he still was thinking or doing something related to Vio. 

He made a mental note to find more hobbies.

Vio’s hand wrapped around his as they walked out the library together, and he was leaning on him a lot, but Vio didn’t seem to mind. actually, he was fighting the urge to wrap an arm around Vio’s shoulders, but he knew that would remind him too much of the Fire Temple, and what if Vio started thinking of the Fire Temple and then they’d both be thinking about it and it’d suck.

“It was nice to see you,” Vio said when they started to near the house. “I really do like seeing you there.”

“I really like seeing you.”

Vio chuckled and kissed his forehead and they kept walking.

The moment he got through the door, Mie was running for him with that weird little gait and rubbing her face in his pant leg as she trotted after him while he and Vio went to Shadow’s bedroom to drop off those books. They didn’t stay in there for long, and since his hands were free—and Vio had let go of them, sadly—he picked up Mie and just followed Vio out into the kitchen.

There was someone sitting at the counter, and Shadow didn’t know who they were, because they definitely weren’t one of the Links and he couldn’t tell their gender. They had long blond hair that made them look feminine, but they looked very flat and their face was wrapped in things (bandages? Were they injured?) and their eyes were a scarlet shade, their eyelashes long.

“Oh, hi, Sheik,” Vio said, as if he’d seen them a thousand times. 

“Hi, Vio!” It came out almost as some sort of girlish chirp, confusing him even more as the stranger stood up and wrapped their arms around Vio. “It’s so good to see y—no way.”

Their eyes landed on Shadow and he suddenly wanted to vanish. “Is that Shadow Link?” Sheik asked.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, right, I forgot to mention that,” Red said from across the counter. “Vio got him back.”

“How would you forget to tell me something like that?”

“He’s just kind of...a part of the house now.” Red shrugged. “I’ve adapted.”

“Huh. Well.” They offered a hand to him and for a minute he just stared blankly at it before shaking it. “Hi. I’m Sheik.”

“I’m Shadow.” He wondered if he’d pass out.

“Don’t mind him, he’s been acting shy since he got back. He’s still adjusting.” Vio grabbed his hand and he felt that was comforting. “Are you going to tell him...?”

Sheik chortled. “He can figure it out himself.”

“Figure...what out?”

“Oh, nothing. So. How are things?”


	13. Chapter 13

Whoever the hell Sheik was, they seemed to know who Shadow was, but didn’t seem too frightened of him. Slightly apprehensive, kind of, a little...concerned, maybe, but mostly just curious. He had this bizarre little feeling that he should recognize Sheik, because all of the other Links embraced them as if they’d known them for years, and that was something they only really did with Zelda and Erune, and Shadow could recognize those two, and Sheik was definitely not either of those two. Erune had dark hair and paler skin, Zelda wasn’t so flat and probably wouldn’t get injured so heavily she’d have to wrap herself in bandages and why would they go by Sheik?

They were surprisingly friendly towards him, asking him questions and being overall pleasant, but every once in a while, Shadow would swear that Sheik was smiling beneath the bandages. 

At one point, the others had joined into a conversation with Sheik about something and Shadow just went into a weird silence as Vio’s arm around his waist tightened and he could rest his head on Vio’s chest.

Red was leaned up against the counter, a white apron over his usual clothes. Green stood a few feet away, sipping a glass of water and listening in on the conversation like Shadow. At one point, Shadow realized he was staring at Green, they locked eyes, and he looked away as quickly as possible.

“It’s an adjustment, for sure,” Sheik said. “A lot of the staff is...struggling. Some people still give me these weird looks, and sometimes I wonder if maybe, there’s something wrong with me being like this, because no one else in my family was like this, but I mean...it’s nice to know why sometimes I feel so weird. Like, my body doesn’t belong to me.” They shrugged. “And it’s really nice to know I got your guys’ support.”

“Aw, of course, Z—Sheik.” Red flushed. “Sorry.”

Sheik laughed.

Shadow felt more confused. Vio noticed. “Sheik’s genderfluid,” he said. “They can sometimes be a girl or a guy, it depends on how they’re feeling.” Shadow nodded. “...Right now, Sheik’s a guy.”

He let out a very quiet “oh.”

Vio smiled and pulled him even closer.

Even though Sheik likely heard every word, he didn’t comment on it. “So, how’ve the two of you been?” He asked, politely.

Shadow fought the urge to press his face into Vio’s chest and pretend to be anywhere else, a mixture of confusion, stress, and fatigue nagging at his mind and telling him not to answer.

Vio nudged him gently, before chuckling. “Shadow’s been having a rough time adapting, but he’s been alright. He’s alive, at least.”

He nodded, understandingly.

Sheik sighed and stood up. “I should probably get going,” he said. “I might have been here a bit too long, and if I don’t return, Impa will start looking for me, and I don’t wish to hear her lecture.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Green offered, finally speaking up. 

“Thanks, Green. See you guys some other time.” He turned on his heel, shot Shadow a look, and walked out, snickering as if something was really funny.

Shadow blinked, really confused and Vio chuckled. “Love, you don’t know?”

“No...?”

“That was Zelda,” he said. “Zelda’s genderfluid, she felt like a guy today, is all.”

“Why was she—or, I guess...he, I mean...”

“It’s just a look,” Vio smiled. “It’s like some sort of tradition—a lot of people in Zelda’s family have needed to go into hiding, and have disguised themselves as Sheik, Zelda’s no different, except Sheik isn’t a disguise, he’s a whole other identity.”

“Oh.”

“They visit occasionally. We call her by feminine pronouns, a lot of the time, but when it’s Sheik, we use other ones, like he or him.”

“How long...?”

“Pretty recently, actually. They’ve been fighting for the LGBT+ community’s rights for a while, but at some point they discovered the term and I guess...she figured it out, finally. That’s what he was talking about.”

“I remember Kioka saying something about that at some point...”

“Yeah, things have improved a lot,” Vio said. “Especially in politics. Before—the Great War, I think it was—people were always trying to get things to change but never did quite manage, and now change is coming again. So, like, as long as there isn’t another war like that, we’ll be good.”

Shadow nodded. _See how good things get when you die?_

At some point, Mie had gotten out of his hands and onto the floor and was currently pawing at Shadow’s ankle. He picked her up again. “Hi, Mie.”

She meowed and then closed her eyes.

Vio placed the back of his hand onto Shadow’s forehead and frowned. “You feel a little warm, are you feeling alright?”

“I’m feeling warm, apparently.”

“Shadow, really.”

“I feel fine.” Blue and Red were standing next to each other.

“Are you sure?” Red asked. “Maybe you’re sick?”

His other hand held his head still while he continued to feel Shadow’s forehead. “You’re definitely running a fever. Maybe you should lay down.”

“But I feel fine.”

“Have you been taking your medication?” Vio asked. “Maybe it has some side effects. Come on, you need to lie down.”

He was still holding Mie, who apparently just fell asleep like that, and Vio tugged him into his room.”

He closed the door behind him and Shadow sat on his bed, holding Mie. “Were you just trying to get some alone time with me to play doctor or am I actually running a fever?”

“Both, I remember Kioka mentioning side effects, but I’m not sure if fever was one of them. Are you sure your feeling okay? I’m gonna go get a thermometer.”

He scratched behind Mie’s ears and sighed. He suddenly felt really, really tired and he didn’t know why. _Maybe I’m not okay?_ he wondered.

In a couple of moments, Vio was back with the thermometer he had left for. He stroked Shadow’s cheek gently. “Can you open your mouth for me?”

“Only if you put something in it,” he purred.

“Actually, that’s kind of why I’m asking.”

He felt Vio place it under his tongue and kiss his cheek. “You’re running a fever.” He frowned. “You’re at like, 105.”

Shadow pretended he understood what that meant. “That’s bad,” he said, even though he didn’t actually know if that was bad. 

“Yeah, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be when you’re right here?” He smiled.

“Shadow, I’m serious.” He smiled back though. His hands cupped his face and he tilted his head until their foreheads were touching. He blushed, which probably made him feel even warmer to Vio. “Are you sure you’re okay?” His voice was quiet.

“I have a feeling you’re going to play doctor with me if I say yes, so...”

Vio smiled. “Do you feel warmer?”

“Always when I’m around you.”

“Shadow.”

“I do actually feel kind of cold, but it’s probably nothing.”

“I don’t know...I’ll grab you some water. You should lay down for a while.” Vio pulled away and combed his fingers through Shadow’s hair. “Your face does look kind of red. Are you blushing, or...?”

Shadow shivered. “I think I’m just blushing, Vio.” He heard him hum and his hand moved down to his back. “Maybe since you’re playing doctor with me, you should check my prostate.”

Vio tugged his belt off, pulled his tights down and shoved a finger in his ass without saying a word. Shadow gasped and grabbed at him, but Vio pulled out quickly. “Pretty sure it’s fine.” He stood up. “I’m going to go get you some water, you stay here.”

“Where else do you think I’d go?” He asked, fixing his tights.

Vio chuckled as he left. 

He closed his eyes. He was just getting more and more tired. Mie was meowing somewhere on the floor, but it was the equivalent of white noise to Shadow as he relaxed. He turned onto his side.

Mie meowed louder than last time until Shadow opened his eyes. They locked eyes.

Mie jumped in an attempt to get on the bed, landed on the edge and then fell on her back on the floor.

He snorted and sat up. “Mie, what the fuck?”

She meowed again.

Shadow rubbed at his eyes and picked her up again. “Pretty kitty.” He laid down and she slept on his chest. His eyes began to close only for the door to open.

“Hey, Shadow, sorry for taking so long.” He felt the mattress dip beneath his weight as he sat down on the edge and combed his hair out of his face. Gently, Vio took the hat off and dropped it on the bedside table. He placed a glass of water next to it before tilting his head down and kissing his forehead. “Are you tired?”

He mumbled a “yeah.”

He fought to keep his eyes open. He saw Vio smile softly. “It’s alright you can sleep, just let me...” Shadow felt his hands brush against his skin. He shuddered at the contact and tried to lean into it, his eyes closing. 

He felt Vio’s hands tug off his boots and tried to pull his tunic over his head, pulling him into a sitting position to get it off before letting him fall back into bed. He pressed another kiss on his forehead before rising. “Do you want me to bring you a plate of food later?” He asked.

“Sure,” he said, but he was barely aware of what Vio just asked.

“Alright, love. Sleep well.”

He was out like a light, which is odd, given his name.

Actually, he slept pretty good. He was pretty sure that either, at some point, Vio came in to run his hands all over his body for the hell of it or he had a really awesome dream. But no nightmares.

He didn’t wake up till much later when Vio walked in and quietly shut the door. He wouldn’t have noticed had Mie not mewed.

“Vi...?”

“Hey, love. I was wondering...” He cracked his eyes open, wanting to look at Vio’s face but his vision was blurry. “If I could sleep in here with you.”

“Goddesses, _please,_ ” he breathed.

He heard Vio strip down but didn’t get a chance to look at him before he laid down. Even though he was still just a blur, Shadow still thought he was hot, and his skin felt so warm. All of a sudden, Shadow felt really cold and the fact that Vio was warm to the touch made him feel really good. “Goddesses, you’re perfect,” he said.

“Oh, Shadow...” He must have been facing Vio, because he could feel his breath on his cheek, and one of his hands was on the back of his head. “I’m really not.”

For some reason, that woke him up a lot more. He stroked Vio’s chest with a finger. “Yes, you are. Vi, you’re perfect.”

“No, Shadow. I’m not.”

“Why would you not be?” He yawned, but he was so confused right now that kept him from falling asleep. “You’re handsome, and smart, and bright, and tall.” He yawned again. “And good in bed. And...” He would have kept going, but he realized he could go on for hours. “Why would you think you’re not?”

“Because I’m flawed, Shadow. And I know that.”

“Vi, you don’t have a single flaw.”

He grabbed Shadow’s hand and brought it to a place on his abdomen, a couple inches diagonal his hip. There was like, a dent in his skin, a small area that the skin around had risen just a bit over. “What’s that?” He asked.

“A flaw,” Vio said. “A very, small imperfection. I was sparring with Zelda and her rapier got me. Took a chunk of flesh out. I spent seven days in a hospital bed.”

He rubbed at his eyes. His vision adjusted to the lack of light easily and he looked at where he was touching. “Fine. You have one flaw, but you know what, it makes you look like a total badass and I think it’s hot.” He licked his lips and leaned down to kiss it just to show Vio how perfect he was, but his lips hadn’t so much as brushed over it when Vio pulled him back up.

“Shadow, I don’t think you’re perfect.”

“Because I’m not,” he said. “I suck. You don’t.”

“Shadow, that isn’t healthy.” His voice was soft. “You can’t think I’m perfect and that you’re nothing, because one day, I’m gonna disappoint you and you need to accept that. I’ve already disappointed you.”

“No, Vi,” he said. “You...” Why would Vio think something so stupid? “You disappointed me because you were perfect. I thought you were going to stay with me and that’d be your one flaw, but you wanted to leave, because you were just so perfect that you knew it was wrong.”

“Shadow, you can’t keep acting like I’m flawless. Especially since I don’t think the same of you.”

“Yeah.” He yawned and wrapped his arms around Shadow’s waist. “I’m horrible, I don’t deserve you. You must hate me.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Vio looked horrified. “Shadow, I love you, okay? I just meant that I know you’re flawed, but just because I don’t worship you doesn’t mean I don’t love you, and you worshipping me doesn’t mean you love me.”

“But I do love you.”

“I love you too, but you act more obsessed than you do in love.” A hand stroked the side of his face. “And as much as I love you, I can’t be in a relationship with you where you think you have to compliment me all the time and stroke my ego, but don’t believe a single thing I tell you.”

“Vi, that’s not your fault.”

“Shadow, if we’re going to have a relationship, you’re going to have to work on this.”

“On...what?”

“Yourself, I guess. Your self-esteem and your self-loathing, because I can help you, but I can’t magically fix it. You have to put in the same effort. And you need to trust me and communicate with me and...”

“But...I love you, Vi. A lot. I love you so much that when I’m around you, I can barely think about how much I suck.”

“Just because you aren’t tearing yourself down, doesn’t mean you’re taking care of yourself.” Vio sighed. “Shadow, you really need to take care of yourself.”

“But I want to take care of you,” Shadow said.

“But I can’t take care of you?”

“You shouldn’t even have wasted your time on me!” He snapped, sitting up suddenly. Mie gave a very shocked mew as she jumped onto the floor. “I shouldn’t even be alive right now, you should have just kept fucking Blue!”

Vio’s face flushed, but he didn’t seem angry as he sat up too. “Shadow, you are not a waste of time.”

“Yes, I am! Why can’t you just _admit it?_ I already know I am, and you’re smart enough to know it too, I’m just gonna hurt you, again!” He crossed his arms and bit his lip. Vio’s face softened.

“Shadow, shh...it’s okay.”

“Why did you bring me back?” He asked, but it came out as a whisper.

“Shadow, come here...” He felt Vio’s arms wrap around him and it took all of his self control to not sob into his shoulder. He was not doing that again. He took a shaky breath and fell into Vio’s embrace. “Shadow, I know you’re under a lot of stress right now, but please, believe me. I brought you back because I cared about you and you gave up your life to save all of Hyrule, and I saw something inside you that I knew was worth saving.”

“So, what, I did one redeeming action and you waste a year trying to—“ His voice cracked.

“No, no, that came out wrong. I...I saw _you,_ Shadow. And there was something inside you, pain, I guess. Or loneliness. Anger. Something. Something that was bad, but I saw you. And it wasn’t _just_ me, love. The others helped. Zelda offered to let us use the castle library, and I spent hours in their study with them, and even though she was struggling with a lot of things at the time, she tried to make time to help me, because she knew she wasn’t really helping me, we were helping you. And then Kioka lended a hand in actually bring you back, went full on necromancer, there. Do you really think you could fool so many people into thinking that you aren’t worth the time and effort?”

“Yes, because I’m a manipulative bastard.”

Vio held him tighter. “No, love. You’re not. If Hyrule was worth your life, then your life was worth this small amount of Hyrule’s population’s time and effort. It wasn’t even that difficult. It was time consuming, but it wasn’t difficult. And you know what, I’d do it all over again, because you are worth it, Shadow. And you need to see that.”

There was a moment of silence. “Listen, Shadow. I really, really don’t want you to interpret this the wrong way, but I think we need to put a stop to this, for the time being.”

His heart skipped a beat. “You mean...?”

“Oh, Shadow, I love you, I love you so much, but I really think you need to figure things out.”

“But...Vio, I love you, I love you so much—“

“I know, I love you too, but for the time being, I think we should stop sleeping together until we both know what we want. It’ll be easier this way.”

He shook his head and tried to find words of protest, but all that came out was pathetic sounding whines and noises of complaint. He fisted the undershirt Vio still had on and buried his face into his chest, managing to choke out something like, “No, no, please, no.”

“See what I mean?” Vio whispered. “This isn’t healthy.”

“But...”He managed. “But...Vio, I...I can’t even...How could I live without you?”

“Shadow, you could live without me. And it’s not like you’re going to be without me.”

“But...I _need_ you, Vio.”

“You really don’t, Shadow. Come on, why don’t you get some rest and we’ll talk some more tomorrow?” Vio made a move to get up.

“No, Vio, please...”

He pressed his lips against Shadow’s firmly. He was panicking, and he felt himself whimper when Vio pulled away.

“Vio, please.” He couldn’t let go of Vio, even if he wanted to, but why would he want to?

“What about I stay here until you fall asleep?” Vio whispered. “Okay? You just relax here and try to calm down and try to sleep, and I’ll stay right here for you.”

Now he just felt stupid—he must have been irritating Vio, he was being pathetic, but he _needed_ him. “But...you’re just going to...I’m...Vio—“

“Hey, hey...it’s okay...let it out...”

_And I’m fucking bawling my eyes out. Goddesses, I’m pathetic. No wonder Vio hates me._

He felt Vio’s hand on the small of his back, and even though he was soaking his shoulder right now, Vio remained patient, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, holding him gently. When he finally stopped, Vio placed him gently on the back, kissed him goodnight and left.

He didn’t have the energy to beg Vio to stay, he wasn’t even sure if he had the energy to close his eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

When he woke up, the first thing he did was claw the side of the bed he was pretty sure he had last seen Vio. His hands found fur. He heard a purr. “Damnit, Mie.”

Mie meowed.

He sat up and ran a hand through his hair before rubbing at his face and eyes. Mie meowed again. _Goddesses, this feels like a breakup,_ he thought. Mie mewed again. _I’m pretty sure this is the equivalent of a breakup for us. Like, when the guy breaks up with the girl and is all “it’s not you, it’s me,” but it is me._ Another meow. _Also, we’re both guys. I guess it issn’t like that, I guess it’s more of like..._ Yet another meow. _...like the man you’re desperately in love with saying that you have problems and need to work through them and in the mean time, you can’t be together._ Guess what noise Mie made? _I want him so badly..._ Mie meowed again.

“Mie, would you shut the fuck up?” He snapped.

Mie seemed to glare at him, yawned, turned around and laid down, not looking at Shadow. He had the feeling he had offended her.

“I’m sorry, Mie, I’m just upset right now.” He picked her up and placed her in his lap. “I’m sorry.” He scratched her ears. She purred as if there was no issue. “You know, you kind of remind me of my dragon. I want to say she would have liked you, but she either would have crushed you, incinerated you, or ate you, so probably not.”

Mie meowed again.

Shadow sighed. “What am I gonna do, Mie? I’m _really_ fucking gay for him.”

Mie meowed, but did not really give Shadow an answer.

“Did Red feed you last night? You smell like fish.”

He was pretty sure Mie nodded.

He dressed quickly and walked out, Mie at his heels.

Blue was in the kitchen, taking a cloth over a bunch of glasses covered in water. For a brief moment, they just stared awkwardly at each other. “Morning.”

“Morning,” he echoed.

Mie meowed a meow that sounded like “morning.” Shadow didn’t question it.

“Want to help me clean these glasses?”

He didn’t even bother answering, just walked over and picked up another cloth and grabbed onto a glass. “Vio went to the library early,” Blue said, probably knowing that’s what Shadow wanted to know.

It wasn’t like he was going to go there. There was no way he could. Actually, he was scared to see Vio because he’d either burn down a third of Hyrule when he saw him, wail his ass off, or try to find the most secluded place to bang Vio and he had no idea which one it would be.

“What happened between you two?” Blue asked.

Shadow had just finished the first glass and when he was about to set it down, Blue grabbed it from his hand and cleaned it himself. Shadow wasn’t entirely sure what happened, so he just picked up a new one. “I think Vio wants to see other people.”

“DId he say that?”

“No, but I think it was implied.”

“Oh, goddesses.” Blue shook his head. “You’re an idiot.”

“Do I look like a mirror?” He snapped. Blue didn’t respond and just took the glass out of his hand again.

“This might be a surprising concept for you, but sometimes when someone say something, they actually mean it. Sometimes they aren’t playing mind games, or trying to trick you, or mess with you, or say what they did because they don’t have the guts to say something else.”

“But—“ Blue looked up at him. He couldn’t finish. Blue took his glass again. “Do you even _want_ my help?”

“Yeah, you’re helping sort of, but you’re getting fingerprints all over the glass.. Anyway, Vio can be confusing, but sometimes, if you read too much into what he’s saying, you ignore the actual words coming out of his mouth.”

“But I’m so gay for him.”

“Are you?” Blue asked.

“Well...yeah.”

He raised an eyebrow. Shadow just handed the glass to him this time. 

_I mean...he was my first relationship. I never really thought of being anything but gay. What if I’m not gay? But if I’m not gay then what am I feeling for him? ...No, there’s no way. I have to be gay...but it’s only ever been him with me..._

He swallowed. “Why did you three help him?”

“He wanted our help,” Blue said. “Whatever you’re thinking is probably wrong, and it wasn’t as simple as Vio made it sound. Like Zelda? She was very...problematic, during a lot of it, but she came around. Truth is, had we not helped Vio, he would have just done it by himself. Would have taken a couple more years, but he wouldn’t have stopped. It was a bit of an obsession for a while. I’m just glad he grew out of the mindset that you were all that mattered in his life.”

Shadow seriously wished he could find something to say, but since he didn’t, he decided this was the end of the conversation and went back to his bedroom, admittedly to sulk over Vio.

No matter how hard he tried to tear his thoughts away from him, his mind circled back to him—to the addictive taste of his skin, the perfect way his lips fit against his, the way his hands would hold him gently and make all of his problems go away.

_He fucked Blue,_ some thought cried in his mind. _That fucking whore slept with someone else._

He tried to think and very faintly, he could remember a piece of glass, seeing Vio and Blue...seeing Vio ride Blue.

He felt his face heat up and something in his stomach. He remembered it slightly more clear suddenly, Vio had gotten on his knees...

He realized that despite the fact he was thinking about Vio giving oral to someone who wasn’t him, the thought actually, almost made him kind of hard. He decided to stop thinking.

He laid on his back and wondered if it’d be possible for him to sleep. He really liked sleeping, especially when he didn’t dream about anything, because it felt like he couldn’t feel anything, and it felt like he was safe, and sometimes, it felt like he was dead and that comforted him. _I probably should not like sleep._

He swallowed, groaned, and left his room again.

This time, Red was in the kitchen with Blue, and they were standing very close to each other, Red leaned against a counter, one of Blue’s hands on either of his sides, trapping him. There was a total lovesick look in their eyes that honestly kind of baffled Shadow. This was basically, exactly what he thought their relationship would be like. Except, maybe with Green standing awkwardly in the corner, because Shadow had no idea how a three person relationship would work.

“You’re so cute.”

“Blue, come on! I promise not to overdo it this time!”

He heard Blue chuckle. “We both know that’s a lie, Red.” One of his hands moved to cup Red’s face. “You’re getting kind of chubby.”

“Oh.”

“Not that that’s a bad thing,” Blue smirked. “Gives me a bit more of you to kiss, and it’s about time with how small you are.”

“I’m not _that_ short, Blue!”

He chuckled and leaned forward. “I don’t know about that.”

“It doesn’t help that you wear high heels!” Red argued.

Shadow snorted into his hand while Blue flushed.

“I’m not wearing them right now, Red.”

“Yeah, but like, I mean, you can’t claim everyone in Hyrule is short when you’re shoes give you like, an extra six inches.”

“BUT IT’S TRUE!”

Red shrugged. “Can I make cookies now?” He finally seemed to notice Shadow was standing there. “Oh, hi, Shadow! Want to help me make cookies?”

Blue sighed and walked off.

“Sorry, Red, I’m not really in the mood.”

“Oh, yeah...Blue told me about Vio. I’m really sorry, Shadow.”

He sighed. “I just...I don’t understand it.”

“If you want, you can vent while I make some cookies!” Red offered. “And then you can like, eat your feelings. I like to do that too, sometimes.”

So for a reason that Shadow barely understood himself, he started ranting to Red while he baked cookies—about how much he cared about Vio, about the very thought of being with someone who isn’t Vio filled him with such an emptiness that he preferred the intangible emptiness death gave him over this, because then he wouldn’t be aware, about how Vio must have had a really low self esteem to believe he wasn’t perfect, about how lucky he had felt to spend any amount of time with him and how despite it all, and despite the fact he knew everything would hurt less if he just tried to focus on anything that wasn’t Vio, he didn’t really want to, because the pain he experienced around Vio felt so good, because finally, he loved someone, and even though it felt like it was a lie, he said he loved him back. That was the only lie Shadow thought he could take, so long as Vio lied forever and ever.

By the time he was done—which is when his voice got so hoarse he couldn’t keep talking and cookies were piled around them—he felt like he had gotten the majority of it out there.

Red thought for a moment. “I think you should talk about this with Vio. I know he’s a part of the problem, but he does care about you, Shadow. A lot. You guys can figure this out together and if you just try and communicate. I mean...having your world center around Vio is unhealthy, but he’ll help you, he really wants to help you!” He smiled at him. “We all do! We brought you back for a reason.”

“But...” He tried to find some sort of phrase that’d describe the thought in his head, because there wasn’t any words in his head, just thoughts and feelings. “Why? Do you have any idea what I did? I was _horrible._ I nearly killed Vio, I wanted the rest of you dead, I cost so many people their lives! And all of you are acting like everything is _fine,_ none of this fine! Everything is different now, I tried to have Vio killed when he tried to do the right thing, you thought bring me back to life and letting me re-enter society unchecked was a _good_ idea?!”

Red shrugged. “I think, Vio was hoping we could just...get you to adjust slowly. Like, keep you in the house for a while and try to surround you with people who wouldn’t freak when they saw you or who you wouldn’t hate.” He shrugged. “But, would you really have let that happen? Just let Vio keep you housebound and smother you and make sure you’re capable with dealing with people?”

He sighed. “Probably not.”

“None of us would have liked it,” Red said. “We assumed you’d be the same. Vio really wants to take care of you, but I think he knows that that’s just unrealistic.”

_It’s unrealistic how perfect Vio is. He’s so perfect. He’s so good._

He crossed his arms, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “Sorry for rambling, Red.”

“It’s fine!” Red exclaimed. “I’m glad you feel like you can talk to someone! I mean, if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”


	15. Chapter 15

_A hand ran down his side and Shadow couldn’t hold back the moan that rose from his lips and seemed to go straight into Vio’s open mouth, his other hand holding him so tight as if Shadow would lean back and their kiss would end and he needed to prevent that._

_”Vio,” he moaned. “Vio.” He grasped onto his tunic and tried to pull him even closer. “Vio, please.”_

_He could hear Vio chuckle, and he pulled away, making Shadow whine as Vio pressed his mouth against his neck and collarbone gently. He continued to move, raising his hips in an attempt to get some friction, trying to capture Vio’s perfect lips again. He grabbed onto Vio and tried to pull him closer but it didn’t work. “Vio...” He whined, but it felt so good, he turned his head and bared his neck so Vio could really get the side of his neck. Vio got the message, but his kisses turned into barely brushing his lips. One of Vio’s hands seemed to be sliding down his stomach. He bucked his hips, but Vio didn’t move any faster or touch any harder. He started stroking Shadow, but with featherlight touches that barely seemed to make contact. “Don’t tease,” he pleaded._

_He felt Vio smile as his lips found his pulse. His mouth started to open and the excitement Shadow started to feel made a warmth grow in his lower abdomen. The hand on his crotch was absolutely still, but Vio’s tongue started to exit his mouth and prod at his pulse, rubbing against his skin. Shadow whimpered and fisted Vio’s tunic faster. He realized he was completely naked, but Vio was fully clothed. “Vio, please...please...” He started sucking gently but stopped suddenly—then bit down._

_He felt Vio’s teeth break through his skin and it hurt, but Vio was there, so it was worth it. He threw his head back in a moan. He started palming Shadow roughly. A hand grabbed his head and turned it so his neck was bared again, Vio’s mouth going back to where he was bleeding, sucking on the broken skin and lapping up the blood. Shadow moaned and grabbed onto his tunic, wanting Vio to be closer._

_Moaning filled the room, mostly coming from Shadow as he focused on the feeling of his love’s mouth. At some point, Vio stopped that and turned his full attention to Shadow’s exposed dick, licking his lips. Shadow closed his eyes and let Vio do what he wanted to him, trying to control his breathing. He felt Vio’s hands adjust him a bit, making sure he was firmly on his back before lifting one of his legs and cramming a finger inside Shadow._

_He couldn’t stop the moan that tore itself from his lips, but he could see Vio smirk as he let go of Shadow’s ankle, letting it fall on his shoulder so his leg was still in the air. He bent his finger and Shadow’s toes curled, his eyes closed. He felt Vio start to pump him as he continued to finger him. “V-Vi...” He groaned and opened his eyes just in time to see Vio lean forward and lick the head. He cried out and closed his eyes again as Vio sucked gently, shoving the one finger in deeper._

_”Vio...” He tried to speak without moaning. “M-M-More...” Vio bent his finger again._

_He pulled away and licked his lips. “M-M-More...?” He grinned and played with the slit with his fingertip. “What do you want, love?”_

_He gasped and grabbed onto the bedsheets. “D-Don’t make me beg, Vi...” He pulled his finger out slowly and Shadow gasped, his back arching—only for him to shove it back in hard._

_”Then how can I know what you want?” Vio asked._

_”You kn-know what I want, just...give it to me!”_

_”All I know is that you want more. Do you want me to touch you a little more? To pump you more, until you cum all over yourself? Do you want more in your ass, love?” Shadow threw his head back in a moan and tried to nod. “Is that it? You want more in your ass? How much more? Another finger? A hand? My dick?” He saw Vio smirk._

_”Yes! Yes, please! Fuck me, Vio!”_

_Vio hummed, thoughtfully. “Maybe if you’re good for me...but not in this position.” He stroked Shadow’s face before placing a couple fingers inside his mouth. He sucked hard and watched Vio’s eyes darken. “You better stop that before I put something else in your mouth.”_

_Vio put him on his hands and knees, his length trapped between his body and between the bedsheets as his lover was over him, mouth on his ear, dick on his ass but not in yet. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard,” he whispered. “You’re gonna wail your adorable, little ass off for me. I’m gonna make you feel so good.”_

_”Vi, please...” He gripped the sheets as tight as he could while Vio teased him, putting the head inside him and then pulling away, acting like he was going to act on his word, but not. Shadow whined. “Please...Vi, I...I need you.”_

_”Goddesses, you’re so hot,” Vio murmured. “Fine, I’ll fuck your ass.” He pressed a tender kiss on Shadow’s ear and slowly slid in— ___

__“Shadow?”_ _

__Consciousness flooded in and he opened his eyes. “Vi-Vio...?” He sat up, pulling his face off of his folded arms on the countertop. His face felt warm and there was a throbbing between his legs as he looked up at him. He tried to think about why he was having a wet dream in the kitchen and why he was asleep._ _

__Vio hadn’t come home at the same time he usually did. Him and Red had been waiting for him to show up, but he didn’t. _I must have nodded off...and dreamed of having rough sex with Vio.__ _

__His eyes wandered a bit down before meeting Shadow’s. “Hey. What are you doing out here?”_ _

__“Why are you back so late?”_ _

__Vio cupped his face and tilted his head. “You were groaning a lot—were you dreaming?”_ _

___About you, _he almost said. “I um...you said you wanted to talk to me, but um...”__ _ _

____Vio flushed. “Sorry—I wanted to let you sleep in, but I was gonna be late, and then Kioka needed help with her snake who just ran away.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Shadow.” His gaze went down to his very obvious erection before meeting his eyes._ _ _ _

____“Look, Shadow, I...I don’t want you to think of this as me abandoning you. I’m not leaving you, I just think that we, as...a potential couple, need to take a bit of a break, so you can decide what you want and...”_ _ _ _

____“But I want you!” He cried. “Vio, I don’t...”_ _ _ _

____“Shadow...Look...” He got closer and cupped his face. “My love...I want you too. A lot. I want to be able to have you in my bed, and spoon you, I want to hold your hand out in public, and go on dates, and spend time with you, and just love you. And I know you want that too, but as it is, the sort of relationship we want isn’t actually going to be healthy.” His thumb rubbed against his cheek gently. Shadow placed one of his hands over one and leaned into the contact, not taking his eyes off of Vio. “It’ll either last forever because we’re both too weak to end things and would rather be miserable in our love and nothing will change, or we’ll break up after like, a month. And there isn’t a doubt in my mind that if we were to break up, you’d find someone else, but I want our relationship to work, Shadow. I want to be with you. But you need help, and I can’t go into a relationship with you that would be so unbalanced and toxic. I don’t want to make the same mistakes we have made.”_ _ _ _

____“But...what am I going to do?”_ _ _ _

____“Figure things out,” Vio said. “Decide what you want, learn to take care of yourself and we’ll keep a bit of distance between us, but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me or that we can’t see each other until you figure things out, because I do want to help you, Shadow. I just can’t do everything. I can’t fix you.”_ _ _ _

____“What...” Shadow swallowed the lump in his throat that made it hard to breathe. “What if I’m just...”_ _ _ _

____“What, Shadow?”_ _ _ _

____He grabbed onto Vio’s tunic and pulled him closer, burying his face in the fabric and focusing on the sound his heart was making while Vio ran his fingers through the hair on the back of his head._ _ _ _

____“Come on, love. If things are going to work between us, then...we need to communicate.”_ _ _ _

____He looked up at Vio’s face. “What if it’s not the relationship?” He asked. “What if...What if it’s just me? What if I’m toxic?”_ _ _ _

____Vio’s other hand grabbed onto his waist. “Shadow, you’re not toxic. And I know you don’t want to believe me and you’re probably thinking I’m lying to you, but Shadow, please, please don’t think you’re toxic. Some of your behaviors can be toxic, but I think you can fix that. I’ll help you.”_ _ _ _

_____He also said he wouldn’t leave you._ He shivered. _ _ _ _

____“Shadow. I love you, okay? But...our lives can’t revolve around each other. You can’t be my everything, you can’t be the only person in my life, and I can’t be your everything, I can’t just be yours. That’s not how healthy relationships work. And...” He heard Vio sigh. “You need to trust me, f this relationship is going to work.” Shadow must have gone stiff in his arms. “Just...trust me when I say I love you, and when tell you you aren’t toxic and...I know this is gonna take time. You take your time trusting me, because it’s not your fault that I betrayed you, that I hurt you. But if this relationship is going to work...you have to trust me.”_ _ _ _

____“Do you trust me?” Shadow asked. “To not lose it on you and molest you while you’re sleeping. Or waterboard you for not being around me? Or to not cut out your tongue for being a jealous moron?”_ _ _ _

____“Shadow, I’d trust you with my life,” Vio said. “I trust you. But I understand that you don’t totally trust me, and that’s okay. Take your time.”_ _ _ _

____He wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around Vio, inhaling deeply. He heard Vio swallow but he hugged back. “I love you, Vio,” he said._ _ _ _

____“I love you too.”_ _ _ _

____He didn’t want to let go of him. He knew he had to, he knew Vio had a point and everything he said made sense, but he still wanted to be around him every waking moment of his life and then some. He squeezed tightly and heard Vio moan._ _ _ _

____It took a moment for it to reach his ears. “Did you just...moan?”_ _ _ _

____“You’re the one who just had a wet dream in the kitchen.” He grabbed onto Shadow’s chin and pecked him on the lips. “I love you, Shadow. You should get to bed.”_ _ _ _

____He sighed. “Okay, Vio.” He got up and went to his room, fighting tooth and claw against the urge to grab onto Vio again and never let go._ _ _ _


	16. Chapter 16

The next day, Shadow woke up to see that the house was totally empty and the front door was ajar, three out of four Links out in the yard. He assumed Vio was at the library. He slowly walked out, wondering why they were all surrounding a tree and looking up. Red turned as if he could feel Shadow’s presence. “Morning, Shadow!”

“Morning. Is that tree interesting?”

“There’s something in the branch there,” Blue said, pointing at a branch, but Shadow had no idea which branch. That was the thing with trees—they had a lot of branches. Usually.

“Maybe it’s just a bird?” Green offered.

“Are birds that shiny?” Blue asked. He frowned. “YO, BIRD. LEAVE.”

“I don’t think it’s moving,” Red said. “Is...the bird...dead?”

“It might be horribly disfigured,” Shadow suggested. “It doesn’t have a beak. Or eyes. Or wings.”

“Did the bird get mauled by a cat and die in the tree?” Blue wondered. “Did the cat eat it’s beak and eyes and wings, or are we gonna find those things somewhere?”

“I don’t think it’s a bird, Blue,” Green sighed.

“Anything is possible, Kale Head.” His frown deepened. “I’mma get this bird corpse.”

“If it _is_ a bird, I think we should name it and give it a funeral.”

“It’s a bird, Red.”

“But it probably had a bird that loved it. Maybe this bird’s had a rough life. Maybe it needs some strangers to show up to it’s funeral and show that even in death, they’re still effecting the lives of people in a positive way.”

“Red, I get you like animals, but it’s a bird. I don’t think like, a crow will have a brain complicated enough to feel unloved and like no one is gonna show up to it’s funeral.”

“You’re name is Bill, now. Bill the Bird. Rest In Peace.”

Blue sighed, already starting to climb tree.

Green turned to Shadow. “So. How are you adjusting?”

Blue shouted, “Asuka doesn’t like you in her branches, birdy bitch!”

“Just fine, I guess. Being here is better than being dead, so uh...thanks.”

“Blue! His name is Bill!”

“Sorry—Asuka doesn’t like you in her branches, Bill, you birdy bitch!”

Green glanced over his shoulder at the tree Blue was climbing, slightly concerned. “Vio just wanted you back. We felt like we had to help him.”

“AHH, FUCK!” Blue nearly fell out of the tree but then regained his footing on a branch that then snapped, and he fell anyway.

“We didn’t know he was gay for the longest time, you know,” Green said. “We all kind of felt like, we somehow failed. I mean, he thought he was the only queer person in the team. He must have been really...not to mention how stupid people can be here...I don’t know. And it never really clicked that you and him were like...a thing.”

“We, uh...” He cleared his throat. “Experimented some. Like, a lot.”

“Yeah, that’s what he said.” Blue started climbing again as if he hadn’t even fallen, but Red was laughing at him in the grass. “It was weird—you know how quiet he is? Once he started talking about you, he could barely stop. He told us a lot about you to the point where we couldn’t _not_ help him.”

“What did he say about me?”

“That it was like he was trying to fit his Four Sword into a keyhole—except like, a tiny keyhole. Think like, a pinprick in the door knob.”

He flushed. “Well, he told me he liked it.”

“Never said he said he didn’t.”

“OH GOD, IT’S BIRDS!”

“Bill?”

“NO! SOME OTHER BIRDS! AHHH!”

“Where exactly have you been?” Shadow asked. “You like, don’t seem to exist half the time.”

“I’ve been doing things. Lots of things. My schedule’s all messed up. Apparently, there’s this thing called ‘mania’ and it sucks. I can spend days awake, and it’s like...I’m barely even aware of it. I’m sure it differs depending on the person, and like, I know I should get to sleep, but I don’t want to and it feels like I could be doing other things. I’m usually asleep during the day now.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Yep. I haven’t been seeing much of the others because of it. I don’t even know what’s happening between you and Vio.”

“SCRAM YA FUCKING BEAKY BITCHES!”

“Um...we decided not to enter a relationship yet. He thinks that, as it is, it’d be toxic.”

“Wow. Considering how crazy for you he is, that’s really mature.”

“Yeah. He thinks it’s best.”

“Do you not?”

There was suddenly a lump in his throat. He swallowed. “He knows more about this than me, and it’s not like what he’s saying doesn’t make sense, it’s just...I want him. Now. To myself.”

“I think you two made a good call.”

“Probably. He thinks I’m bipolar.”

“So? Red’s bipolar. Blue’s OCD and has insomnia. I have mania. Vio, I think...I think he disassociates.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s like...” Green frowned.

“AHHH, HOLY FUCK!”

“ _More birds?!”_

“NO, BEES!”

“It’s like...sometimes he just...disconnects. From everything. He doesn’t seem quite there, but you don’t know where else he can be. Usually, it’s like...the result of something traumatic or stressful...I don’t know. He doesn’t even some aware of it.”

“I...didn’t know.”

“Well...you might do it too.”

“But I’m bipolar.”

“Yeah, but...that doesn’t mean you don’t disassociate. Like, remember not too long ago, when you just spaced out for hours and didn’t seem aware of what was happening at all, and it took Vio seducing you to snap you out of it?”

“That...I was just stressed, I’m not traumatized.”

“Well, you _did_ die.”

“I’m fine.”

Green nodded, but his gaze seemed almost accusative. 

“GOT IT!” Blue shouted, somewhere near the top of the tree. “IT’S...NOT A BIRD. I DON’T THINK BIRDS ARE PURPLE.”

“The white browed tit warbler is kind of purple!” Red shouted. “That’s one of my favorite birds! And then there’s the paradise flycatcher!”

Instead of climbing down with it in hand, he just dropped it before he started climbing. Green was the one to pick it up. “I don’t know what this is.”

Shadow bit his lip. “Can...I see it?”

He tossed it to him gently and he caught it easily. He found himself swallowing as he examined it. It was almost in the shape of a rhombus, about the size of his hand, glossy and shiny, but two dimensional. It was about one inch thick and although it probably wasn’t normal, it was as smooth as glass and felt a lot like glass in his hand. And it was darkly colored, so black it seemed purple somehow. Shadow definitely knew what this was—he just didn’t want to admit it. 

“Maybe it’s a stone. Maybe a bird found something shiny and thought, ‘yes, mine,’” Red suggested.

“I...think I know what it is,” Shadow confessed, his mouth feeling dry.

“You do?”

“So, you guys probably don’t remember Azalea...you guys remember the dragon I had? That was Azalea, and...well, we were both kind of from the Dark Mirror, so like, it’s destruction might have weakened her a bit, but I doubt it killed her...that’s a scale. One of her’s. That’s why it looks like the glass from the Dark Mirror, she had some sort of connection to it.”

“Oh, right! I forgot you had a dragon!” Red chirped.

“But aren’t scales made of keratin, which is like, fingernails?” Blue asked.

“Maybe, but not for dragons. Dragons are cool.”

Green frowned. “How did one of your dragon’s scales get in that tree?”

Silence followed his question. “Sometimes they fall off,” Shadow murmured after a moment. “Azalea’s did.”

“But...”

“She must have been flying.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“No, but...I guess she isn’t dead like I thought. That, or some other dragon has scales just like hers.”

“That’s so cool!” Red exclaimed. “Does she breathe fire?!”

“Yes.”

Blue frowned. “Can’t that be dangerous, though?”

“Well, she isn’t going to like set everything she sees on fire, and she’s probably keeping a low profile if you guys haven’t known about her for the one and a half years. That or you’ve gone blind.”

“Green...have we gone blind?” Red asked.

“...I don’t think so? Oh no, what if we’re blind and we don’t know it.”

Blue frowned. “Are we blind?”

“Maybe oxygen causes us to hallucinate and none of what we’re seeing is real,” Green suggested.

Shadow ran his thumb over the edge of the scale, trying to think. There was a weird buzzing feeling in his chest, like someone cut him open, put a beehive in his rib cage and then stitched him back together. Other than Vio, he had only ever really liked Azalea, so knowing that she was alive was actually rather comforting. He swallowed.

The other three continued to bicker about whether or not they might be blind.

Somewhere on the ground, there was a meow.

Shadow looked down. It was not Mie.

It was just as small with grey fur and only one dark eye, but had all it’s legs.

“WHERE ARE ALL OF THESE CATS COMING FROM?”

“Oh, kitty!” Red shrieked, kneeling down and petting the random ass cat. “Even if I am blind, I know you look adorable! Pretty kitty!”

“These cats are _everywhere,_ ” Shadow said. The cat yawned and just sat on his foot. “Why are they here?”

“Maybe they like you!” Red said. 

A bush nearby shook and mewed. 

“I’m going back inside.”

“Me too! And I’m taking this cat with me.” Red effortlessly swept it up and followed him into the building.

Shadow found himself grateful for the weird, new discovery—it distracted him from his urge to find Vio and cling to him until his finger’s couldn’t hold onto him anymore.


	17. Chapter 17

The day progressed pretty normally, despite the scale they found that morning. Shadow helped Red in the kitchen, Vio came home decently late, the two of them had a casual conversation that Mie interrupted twice, but they didn’t make out once and Shadow thought it kind of sucked, but didn’t voice that. 

He didn’t find himself sleeping at night, even though Mie curled up by his head and slept just fine. He stroked her fur, but just stared at the ceiling, trying to clear his mind and get to sleep, but there was something distracting him.

He sighed and pulled himself out of bed slowly, walking out of his bedroom.

He stopped in his tracks at the end of the hallway. 

One of the Links—he couldn’t tell which one, but a part of him really hoped it was Vio—was sitting in the living room, crying their eyes out into their palms. Shadow kind of wanted to comfort them, but he wanted to say their name to get their attention, and didn’t know which name to say. “Um,” he said instead.

He looked up, sniffed and wiped at his eyes. “Oh!” _Red_ said. “I didn’t wake you, did I, Shadow?”

“No.” He rubbed at his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just like...there’s...I’m a little...” He sniffed. “Just stressed.”

“Are you sure, I mean...” He knew Red cried a lot, but he always seemed so happy, that at the same time, it felt so weird to just...watch him. And inside him, he felt something dark and bad...he didn’t feel as bad as he probably should. Deep down, he thought Red was pathetic, and he hated that, “I...doubt I can be of much help, but if you want to vent.”

Red laughed, but it sounded strained. “I don’t want to bore you.”

“You’ve been hearing me bitch nonstop about Vio.”

“Yeah, but to be honest, I kind of find that entertaining,” Red said. “Like, you guys are my OTP, and like, you aren’t a thing, and I’m not sure if I want you to be a thing right now, or just sort through everything right now like you are, it’s just—it’s great, you guys are great. This is different. It’s not entertaining.”

“Still, though. I mean...like, I can really complain.”

Red sniffed. “It’s just like...I feel so useless. Like, Green’s just all...” He made some sort of hand gesture. “You know? And Vio has so many issues but he’s trying to sort through them by himself, and he says we can’t help him, but I want to help him, and I don’t know how, because he won’t let me, and it just reminds me about how useless I am, like I can’t do anything, I can’t help anyone, and it’s like—even when it comes to you, like you’re so upset, like, _all the time,_ and I feel like I need to comfort you, but I don’t know you that well, and I don’t want to tell Blue or Green about this, because then they’re going to think that if they ever talk about their problems, I’m going to freak out, because have you met them? What if they’re suffering and already, they’re not telling me and I can’t help them, and then they realize I’m freaking out about them, so they pretend that everything’s okay, but it’s really not—and Blue literally just got to sleep, this is like, the first time in days, I can’t wake him.”

“Don’t you sleep with Green?” Shadow asked.

Red flushed. “W-Well, um...”

“Oh, okay.”

“No, not like that!” He had a feeling Red was blushing. “Blue gets cold at night and he doesn’t like the cold, so Green and I usually keep him warm, but...not like that.”

“Oh, okay.”

Red shook his head. “I just...”

Shadow bit his lip. “Well, isn’t it a bit hypocritical to think all this and not tell them?”

“Huh?”

“You’re stressed because they have problems and you don’t know how to help them, but you don’t want to tell them, because you’re worried that if you bring it up, they’ll just like, suffer in silence, so in return, you’re suffering in silence so they don’t have to.”

Red nodded slowly. “But it feels different, you know? A lot.” He shook his head. “I always tell people when they’re sad that there isn’t anything wrong with crying, but then I get sad, and all I can think about is how pathetic I have to be to burst into tears.”

“You’re just...too nice.” Shadow swallowed. He suddenly felt guilty about that nagging thought in the back of his mind that was more like a tendril in his very core. Like, way more guilty than before. “I guess, emotions aren’t like, a flaw, you know. At all. You’re allowed to feel and you wouldn’t be you if you weren’t so nice.” _Why the fuck are you feeling bad, dipshit, you aren’t the one crying in the middle of the night, asshole._

Red sniffed and gave him a watery smile. “I know, it’s just...” He let out a shaky breath. “Sometimes, I don’t want to be me.”

“Red, it’s a good thing you’re you. Green and Blue love you. Even I’m getting kind of fond of you, you know.” _And you’re really gonna hate yourself now, when you’re trying to cheer Red up? Do you always have to be a piece of shit, fuckweasel, even when you’re acknowledging how horrible you are, you’re being a prick about it, what the fuck is wrong with you?_

He sighed. “Thanks, Shadow. I really appreciate you being...so nice to me. All I can think about is how annoying I must be, but...you make me feel like I’m not.” _But you are—oh, fuck me, what is wrong with me?_ He sniffed and dried his eyes. “Oh, speaking of...”He paused. “Well, nothing, I guess, Zelda came by earlier.”

“She did?”

“Yeah, when you were talking with Vio, you guys didn’t notice her. Well, she was dressed up as Sheik, but she does that a lot, even when she feels like a girl, because it lets her sneak out of the castle a lot easier. Anyway, she wanted to talk to you, but since you were busy, she decided she’d come by tomorrow, and I forgot to tell you until now.”

“O-Oh. Was it important?”

“Seemed decently important, but not much.”

Shadow nodded. “We should get to sleep,” he laughed. “I mean, like, this is late.” He felt awkward, like he shouldn’t be there.

“Yeah.” Red stood up. “Thank you, Shadow.”

He knew he wasn’t going to sleep any easier, so he didn’t go back in his room and watched Red leave.

Vio woke up, early, coming out of his bedroom dressed and wide awake. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Shadow echoed back.

Vio hesitated, but sat down next to him. “You’re up early.”

“So are you.”

“Yes, but I’m always up this early.”

“Oh.” He sat there silently.

“Listen, Shadow...” He stared intently at him, refusing to take his eyes off of Vio for even a minute. “I know I kind of made things a little awkward now, but I really do still love you and care about you a lot. Just...if you ever need _anything_ from me, I’ll give it to you.”

“Can you give me your dick?” Shadow asked without thinking.

Vio seemed to genuinely think about this while Shadow realized what he just asked. He could see the gears turning in his head. “What about,” he started. “I go to the library, buy condoms before I come back, and then you and me can go for a walk somewhere and talk for a while like some sort of date, and then when we get back, I’ll give you my dick for a while.”

He blushed. “Okay, sounds great.”

Vio smiled and leaned forward, kissing him gently. Shadow kissed back. Suddenly, Vio’s hands were cupping his face to hold him still and they were making out. He grabbed onto Vio’s sleeves, trying to pull him closer, but one of Vio’s hands shot up to hold the back of his head, the other snaking around his waist as he pinned him to the couch. He pulled away to gasp for breath. “This doesn’t count, if we’re not official, right?” He asked.

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t know either, that’s why I’m asking you,”

“Well, I don’t know.”

Vio groaned and kissed him again, sucking on his upper lip. Shadow just opened his mouth and let Vio kiss him everywhere, his hands tracing patterns into his skin through the cloth of his tunic. When they parted, they were panting, and Vio was already pulling him onto his feet and to Shadow’s bedroom, throwing him on the bed. He barely heard Mie’s mew of confusion on the floor as Vio threw his clothes off, kissing him hungrily.

“Don’t you have to go to—“Vio cut him off by sticking his tongue down his throat, his hands holding Shadow in place, as if he was going to pull away.

“I’m sure Kioka won’t mind if I’m a couple minutes late,” Vio panted, stripping down himself. “Or an hour—I have a good reason.” He kissed Shadow again, letting his hand slide down his side and pressing hot, teasing, open mouthed kisses down his chest as he tried to grope VIo, clinging to him like a lifeline.

“Vio, fuck me, please...” He moved until his lips brushed against Shadow’s jaw.

He wanted to scream his lungs out as Vio stretched him, kissing him roughly and whispering about how much he loved him. It felt so good to be in Vio’s arms, it almost hurt, and when he wrapped his hands around Shadow’s waist while he fucked him roughly, he swore his skin was burning beneath Vio’s palms, his fingers leaving tiny red marks as he drove himself deeper and further inside of him. “I love you!” He kept shouting. “I love you so much! Oh, VIo!”

He held on tighter to Shadow, thrusting harder, whispering quieter in his ear, his chin on his shoulder, occasionally moving his head to nuzzle Shadow’s neck when he started squirming or was cumming, whispering about how good a lover Shadow was, how he was so tight and warm and so, so hot and how he loved him just as much as he did.

With a final thrust, Vio came inside him for what seemed to be the third time although Shadow had kind of lost count with all the mind numbing pleasure he got from literally just being in Vio’s arms, pulling out quickly and gathering Shadow in his arms to hold and kiss sweetly and passionately, his loving murmurs becoming moans.

He sighed as Vio laid next to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him slightly closer. “You’ve been taking your medication,” Vio asked. “Right?”

“Huh?” He couldn’t remember taking it recently, but if he said that, Vio’d be concerned. “Yeah,” he lied. He felt fine. He didn’t think it was an issue.

Vio nodded, “Good.” He kissed him again, sweetly. “Keep those organs working, especially your heart. It’s mine.”

“Well, if it’s yours, I want your heart.”

“Deal.” He smiled softly and kissed him again. “It all yours.”

The two laid in silence for a few minutes, catching their breath. “We’re bad at this,” Shadow said, but he refused to let go of Vio or move away from him until he had to. “Aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” Vio agreed. “We are.” He sighed and sat up. “I need to get dressed and go to the library, I can’t stay in bed with you all day.”

“Okay,” Shadow sighed, releasing his hand from the iron grip it was in. He watched Vio dress, sliding his tights up, pulling his tunic down, securing his belt over all of it. His outfit never seemed to change, but Shadow had to admit he kind of liked it that way—either seeing Vio in his tunic or in nothing at all.

When he was done, he bent over and kissed Shadow’s forehead. “Love you, darling.” He stroked his cheek with his thumb and Shadow had to fight the urge to pull Vio’s hair.

“Love you too.”

Vio walked out, smiling softly. Shadow felt himself smile too, even though he was leaving.

He dragged his feet as he exited his room when he was dressed, _after_ making sure that he wasn’t blushing or grinning ear from ear, and he tried to cover some of the hickies Vio had given him. It kind of hurt to walk, but he could suck it up.

Mie followed him out.

Red was at the counter, talking excitedly to Sheik, who turned to face him when he entered. He stopped in his tracks and stared at him. They both stared at each other for a long time.

“Hi,” Sheik said.

“Hi.”

“I’m gonna go find Blue so I can escape hearing this conversation!” Red chirped. “See you!”

Mie mewed at him as he abandoned Shadow.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

There was a moment of silence. “So, um...” She rubbed at the back of her neck. “Goddesses, I don’t know where to start, I guess Vio told you I’m genderfluid?”

“Was I not supposed to know?”

“Oh, no, no, everyone’s supposed to know, now, and I mean, you’re gonna hear eventually from somewhere. It’s just...hm...Okay, now I can’t remember why I wanted to talk to you. Vio’s been talking a lot about you.”

He felt his face warm.

Sheik smiled. “I guess I wanted to...thank you. If I’m going to be totally truthful, I partially told you that I thought you could be good to stall for time. I felt it was mostly just me being hopeful and I was...kind of panicking a bit. Like, _constantly._ And when that weird dark cloud took me and I passed out, I genuinely thought it was the end. I thought that I was going to die. And you didn’t just save my life, you saved my best friends’ lives, and everyone in Hyrule. I never really got the chance to thank you for that, and I’m glad I helped Vio out, because it did give me a chance to thank you.”

“So, that was why you helped Vio bring me back?”

She flushed. “Actually...no. Um...He hasn’t told you about this, has he?”

“Told me about what?”

“Oh. Yeah, that...that makes sense. Um...so, when Vio first started out, he was just researching ways to bring you back, and there was like, a _lot_ of ways to bring you back, so he spent a ton of time trying to research what could be the best one. Most of what he researched was in my study and my library, I helped him a lot—goddesses, this cowl makes it really difficult to speak, how did my ancestors put up with this?”

Sheik ripped—ugh, Shadow couldn’t think of pronouns right now, were they a guy or a girl right now?—their cowl of of their face and sighed, running a hand through their hair. They were starting to look a little more like what he remembered Princess Zelda to be with a round, feminine face and rosy cheeks and long eyelashes, but something about them was overall different. Their hair was still long, but it seemed straighter and more...guyish? The way they held themselves was different—they still stood tall and proud, but it didn’t look forced or stiff, they looked less like a storybook picture or a statue, more like something _real._

“Sorry, sometimes the fabric is just so tight against my face, it like, gets into my mouth. Anyway, Vio. Um...when he first started out, I didn’t know about gender identity things. Or sexuality. None of it made sense to me, I wasn’t really taught and the royal family is really bigoted so...but he didn’t hide who he was doing this for. At all. So, I thought that of course, I had to help him. A bit of my time was a fair price to pay for the life of someone who saved us all, you know?

“But, um, Vio...He kept talking about you. A lot. And I guess that was when I realized that I didn’t think you were all that good, because every time he brought you up the word ‘repulsive’ came to mind, and I don’t think it was just that he spoke about you, I think it was how he spoke about you. 

“I kept asking why he talked so much about you, why he acted like you were so great, I just...didn’t like the idea of you two close like that, and he just looked at me and swallowed and said, ‘I’m gay.’ And I was still really confused and he just said, ‘I’m in love with him.’”

They shook their head. “Goddesses, I wish I could slap myself because I literally laughed at him—the idea that you two could be closer than I thought was just...something I couldn’t comprehend. And...I told him that that couldn’t be. That there was just no way.

“I told him, ‘that’s not how things work. Heroes can’t be with villains.’” They paused. “‘Men can’t be with other men. It’s wrong.’ He looked so...horrified.” Shadow tried to bite back his emotions.

“We got into an argument. I made it very clear that I supported all of his decisions and didn’t believe there was anything wrong with him, just that...he was confused. That there was no way, and I could care less if _other_ people were gay, just not him. And um...

“He didn’t speak to me for months after that. I kept trying to talk to him, but one of the others would always say ‘he’s busy,’ and I just took that as an answer before Green actually sat me down and talked to me about it.”

They took a deep breath. “He just told me that this wasn’t me talking, it was years worth of listening to my family, and I defended them and said they were right, that it was wrong. That that wasn’t how things worked, and I didn’t _want_ to hurt Vio, but it was his own fault.

“Then he told me he was gay and I thought it was spreading. And for a while, I kind of accepted it, but I you know, stopped helping him with bringing you back and I kind of hoped he would give up at some point and just settle down with Green, it made sense to me, and yeah, it was you know, wrong, but it was two good people that I loved, so it could be worse.

“And then Green got with Red and Blue and I just didn’t understand and Vio was...” They sighed. “Being really, really stupid. He was working himself to the bone and multiple times, I caught him in the clinic, weak, sleep deprived and thin. And I just couldn’t stop telling him, ‘this isn’t healthy,’ and it wasn’t just you it was what he was doing to himself. I asked him what could possibly make him feel like this was worth it for you.” She smiled softly. “You should have seen him, really. He was just so...in love, I guess. Madly, madly in love. And then he started talking about you, about everything he loved about you—the way you smiled, the way you shrugged your shoulders, the way you glanced at him for way too long in really inappropriate places when you thought no one was looking, the way you reminded him every minute of every day how much you loved him—and I think it was the sweetest thing I ever heard anyone say.

“And it was like, I finally noticed the look in his eyes when you were brought up. The gentleness, the fondness, the soft smile and I realized that this was how guys looked at girls they loved and I realized that this wasn’t that much different. It was just a guy in love with another guy who I didn’t know how to feel about. And I suddenly felt really guilty, for ever wanting him to not love you like that, because that look in his eyes just said that there was no possible way something like that could be wrong.

“But I still tried to make him stop because he was so obsessed, it was unhealthy and then I came to the miraculous conclusion that the easiest way to make it stop was to help him as much as I could. And he still...looked at me coldly when I was around him, and I realized I had seriously hurt him, and I wondered why I thought you were so bad and why I said everything I did to you if I didn’t really mean it. I told him that I was wrong, that I just didn’t understand and I asked him to explain everything to me, and he didn’t hold anything back. The word ‘genderfluid’ came up and I asked what it meant and he explained it to me, and...

“I spent weeks, maybe a few months, actually, staring at my bedroom ceiling, thinking about the word. It was just so weird, I started thinking about how cool it kind of was. Like, it just sounded so great and I wanted that label, that label would fit me so good, but it still didn’t feel right. It felt like it was okay for them to be queer, it was okay for people to be queer, just not me. I have a reputation to uphold, I have a title, I’m a princess, I can’t be ‘genderfluid.’ But...” She shook her head. “I figured things out after a while. Vio was the first person I told and the entire time I was talking to him he just kept nodding like he already knew, and Green walked in and asked what we were talking about, and he literally said ‘Zelda finally figured out she’s queer.’

“I think we’re a lot closer as a result. I um...I visited him right after he got you back, but you were still unconscious and even though no one was sure if you’d wake up...you should have seen the look on his face, like he was finally relaxed, and he was so head over heels, it was adorable.”

They sighed again. “I don’t know, but...you make him happy. And I don’t think a bad person could make him happy, I think...he always said that when you got to know you, you were just a total sweetheart, and I mean...I trust him.”

Shadow realized this was something he seriously need to hear. There was a growing warmth in his chest, spreading to the rest of his body and it wasn’t _exactly_ what he felt with Vio, but it was kind of similar. It was what he had felt when he was around Kioka, and Red, and Blue and that one conversation with Green. “I don’t know what to say.” How could he respond to something like that?

Sheik leaned over and patted his hand. It felt like a weirdly maternal gesture. “I don’t think you really have to say anything. You aren’t half-bad, Shadow Link.”

They yawned and stretched, rolling their shoulders. “I need to get going—hate to cut this short, but if I’m here for too long, Impa will cut it short because she just like, _knows_ where I am.” They smiled and put their cowl back on. “So, see you some other time?”

He nodded. He wasn’t sure how to feel—that was a lot to process—but he still felt good.

Mie mewed somewhere on the floor. Shadow sighed and closed his eyes and let himself relax for a single moment where he didn’t loath himself.


	18. Chapter 18

When Vio came home, they did exactly as they agreed they would that morning—they went for a walk and talked about a ton of things and with every sentence, Shadow felt a large, stupid grin spread across his face and then Vio took him back to his room and fucked him so passionately, he totally forgot about the condoms he had bought until he was already balls deep in Shadow’s ass and they were both so close to their orgasm that it took very little convincing from Shadow to make sure Vio didn’t pull out to grab one. And even though Shadow kind of knew they shouldn’t be doing this, he took an immense satisfaction in falling asleep, covered in Vio’s cum in Vio’s arms.

When he woke up, he felt warm—but all over, and it wasn’t warm, it was burning hot, like someone had peeled off his skin, set all the muscle and tissue underneath on fire and then put his skin back on and he couldn’t stop sweating but he also couldn’t stop shivering. It must have been early because the sky was barely lit up and he woke Vio up—either with the sudden change in temperature or his constant shaking.

“Shadow?” He whispered. He placed the back of his hand on his forehead and Shadow could see his frown. “Goddesses, I feel like I just stuck my hand in a fireplace, are you feeling okay?”

It took him a moment to process those words. At first, he wanted to shake his head and say he was fine and not to worry, but it was already shaking a lot and he could see the worry etched into Vio’s face. “Not really.”

“Damn, you must be sick.” He peeled the blankets off of Shadow. They had begun to cling to his skin and were now moist because of how much he was sweating. “Really sick. ...You’ve been taking the pills, right?”

It took another moment to process Vio’s words, and then another to find the effort to lie and Vio saw right through him. “Shadow, no...I thought you were taking them, I thought you were doing good.”

“I’m sorry, Vi.” He could feel his hand stroke his cheek, and it was almost cool on his skin. “I’m sorry.”

He sighed. “It’s a good thing Kioka and I actually planned for this—except...I gave her the medicine— _shit_.” He sat up. “I’ll need to find her to get it...”

“Was that the medicine you left me for?” It came out as a mumble.

“Yeah, kind of...fuck. Okay...you didn’t have these symptoms last night, meaning I think this is like, not as severe as it could be. Like there’s three levels of how fucked up your immune system is, you’re at like, the first. The last one is the point of no return, but I think since we caught it early, you’ll be fine.”

“Wait, this can get _worse?_ I feel like I’m dying.”

Vio flinched and then ran a hand through his hair. “Can I leave you here while I go get medicine? You’ll be okay, right?”

He twisted the blanket in his hands. “Do you have to leave?”

“If we’re going to get you all better, then yeah. But once I get back, I’ll take care of you, okay?” He leaned over and pressed his lips to his temple gently before walking out.

After a moment, Shadow got out of bed, threw on his clothes and stepped out of the room, trying to ignore the world, spinning around him.

“—ly sick,” Vio finished.

Blue laughed and his wink was audible as Shadow rounded the corner. _”Sure,_ he is. We heard him ‘getting sick’ last night, I bet he’s really, really sick.”

“Just—“

“Don’t worry, we won’t bother him. If you shattered his ass into pieces while you fucked him last night, he can have today to heal from that.”

Vio rolled his eyes—he was facing where Shadow was, Blue’s back to him. His eyes landed on Shadow and his face softened. “Love, why are you up?”

“Vio,” he mumbled, not entirely sure why.

He could see him smile softly as he walked forward. He picked Shadow up near effortlessly and carried him back to his room, dropping him on the mattress. “Love, you need to stay laying down, you look horrible. I don’t think you’re in any condition to stand right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He stroked his cheek. “Why don’t you undress and just sleep for a while, and when I’m back, I’ll give you some medicine and I’ll stay with you. Just rest right now.”

“Do you have to leave?”

“Yes, love.”

“Can you call me ‘love’ again?” Something about hearing Vio say that really relaxed him.

Vio smiled. “No. But I can call you ‘darling.’ I _love_ you, darling.” He kissed his temple again. “Stay in bed this time, okay? I’ll be back really soon.”

He nodded.

Vio bent over and picked something up, dropping it onto his lap. “Here, Mie will keep you company.”

“But Mie isn’t gorgeous like you.”

“I don’t know, Mie’s pretty cute.”

“But she isn’t like you. She isn’t that smart, she isn’t so _hot._ ”

“If any of us is hot, it’s probably you. You’re face matches Red’s name and tunic.”

Shadow groaned. “I love you.”

“I love you too, darling. I’ll be back.” He stood up again.

Mie just curled up on his chest, purring and sleeping.

He dreamed about Vio, but he was tied up, on fire and his skin was rotting. He looked like a corpse. It was terrifying and he was whispering, calling for Shadow, reaching for him desperately. He woke up and went back to sleep shortly. Vio grabbed onto him and clung to him and the fire all over him wrapped around Shadow until his sweat was turning into steam, his blood boiling in Vio’s arms. Vio was whispering in his ear, abut how Shadow had tried to kill him. Scarlet flames lapped at them both and Shadow was screaming, but not because of the burns, not because he was so, so hot and so irritated, because he regretted everything he did, because he hadn’t wanted to kill Vio and he was never supposed to get hurt, Shadow would never hurt him but he could smell the smoke and the awful scent of decay and Vio, _his_ Vio, who he had slept with and loved and who had loved him when he thought no one ever could, was dead and it was all his fault and he didn’t think he’d ever woke up, and the tears streaming down his face dried rapidly as he screamed, begging Vio to forgive him.

When he woke up, he was still shivering, still sweating and crying a lot, but he wasn’t on fire and better yet, Vio wasn’t on fire, his skin actually felt cool against his own. But Shadow couldn’t stop crying still, and he was so fucking pathetic but _Vio_.

He felt Vio’s arms wrap around him, warm but comforting and he kissed his temple and let him sob into his shoulder uncontrollably for a good while.

Vio trued to move him a bit, and made him lift his tear stained face, lifting a glass of water to Shadow’s lips, whispering gently about how he needed to stay hydrated, but he just started crying harder and he nearly choked on the water, so Vio gave up and let him rest in his arms, kissing him gently and rubbing his unclothed back.

He tired himself out again at some point and fell back to sleep, going back to his horrible dream, Vio still holding him, still on fire, cutting his throat open while the flames kept higher and seemed to lick it off of him. And then Vio shoved him away, still rotting and decomposing like a dead body, his eyes glassy and dead, and apparently without a tongue, and the moment he lost all physical contact with him, the flames grew hotter and higher. Burning, orange fingers covered his eyes until his vision was black and seemed to restrain him and when he opened his mouth to scream out Vio’s name, to beg him again, to apologize for everything, he inhaled a metric fuck ton of flames like water, and somehow he was drowning and burning all at the same time and he was gonna die, but _Vio._

He woke up for hopefully the last time in Vio’s arms, unsure if he’d ever want to sleep again. Vio kissed his forehead and tried again with the water, and Shadow was able to swallow a couple mouthfuls without choking, and managed to wipe the tears out of his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said but he could barely get that out. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Vivi.”

“Hey, it’s okay, Shadow.” He kissed his temple. “It’s okay. I love you, you know. You know that right?”

He shook his head. “No, no, Vio, I-I’m bad for you, I’ll hurt you again, I can’t...” His voice broke with a sob. “Why the fuck am I even alive?” He cried. “I should never have existed, I should never have been drawn out of the Dark Mirror in the first place, and definitely not the second time, why am I even back? I don’t want to hurt you, Vio, I don’t, I swear I don’t, I’m sorry!”

“Shadow, it’s okay, calm down.”

“IT’S NOT OKAY!” He shouted. “IT’S NOT! I HURT YOU, I-I HURT YOU SO MUCH, AND I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND WHY CAN’T YOU JUST HATE ME, VIO?!” He sobbed, and it was loud and ugly and he had seen misshapen, dying slugs that were less ugly than him, but he didn’t care. “I’M SORRY, VIO, IT’S OKAY IF YOU HATE ME, I HATE ME TOO, I JUST-I JUST—“

Vio hugged him again, and rubbed in between his shoulder blades gently while he cried even more. “...you can just say it,” he said quietly now. “I’d understand. I wouldn’t be surprised.” At least, if Vio said it now, Shadow wouldn’t have to wait to hear it again, wouldn’t have to wonder if Vio was constantly lying to him. But what would he do without Vio?

Die, he realized. He’d probably commit suicide and he knew that was bad from what Vio had told him, but he didn’t want to live without Vio. At least it wasn’t murder-suicide, oh, goddesses, he couldn’t imagine doing something like that again—what if he ever hurt Vio like that?

Vio kept pressing kisses on his face—then his shoulder blades and chest and stomach and every inch of his back, murmuring sweet nothings and kissing away the tears until Shadow was done which took way, way too long. “It’s okay, darling. I trust you.”

“B-But you shouldn’t—“

“In your opinion, Shadow. But you know what, I do. And do you know why I trust you?”

“Because you love me?”

“Kind of. I love you a lot yes, but I trust you because even though your moral compass should be so fucked up you shouldn’t know where your own bedroom is, you still do the right thing.”

“By dying.”

“No. You died in doing the right thing, but you’re back now. Do you think I don’t know about your conversations with Red and Blue and Green and Zelda and or Sheik? Shadow, you’re an open book to me, I can basically read your mind and everytime I see you talking to them, I notice something in your eyes, and I know you want to do something. Set something on fire, destroy something, kill something—but you don’t do that. And a part of me says you could be faking it, but I know that you aren’t. You aren’t faking anything. You’re just trying really, really hard to be better. And I want you to keep trying because you’re doing so, so good and eventually, you’re gonna realize how good you are, how you’re simply amazing, and how you can be even better. You’re...You’re great, Shadow, okay? And eventually, you’re gonna realize that and when you do, I’ll be there. We’ll be official and together and happy and healthy and we’ll both trust each other like a couple ideally should.”

He sniffed. Vio kissed his forehead. “Go back to sleep.” He laid him down gently on his back and kissed the tip of his nose. There was something in his hand.

Shadow couldn’t help the undignified squeak that came out of his mouth, pretty sure it was a knife because Vio had gotten sick of his crying, but then Vio was stroking his cheek and telling him not to flinch, not to worry, it was just a needle.

He opened his eyes, not sure when he closed them, and felt Vio grab his arm. He whimpered lightly as Vio looked at it carefully before slowly inserting the needle into his skin.

“Shh...” Vio stroked his cheek again and slowly, the needle was out.

“I don’t...I don’t want to sleep...” He mumbled. He was slowly starting to calm down and realize how stupid he was being, but goddesses, he did not want to sleep. “Vi, I don’t...please...”

“Bad dreams?”

He could only nod. “I’m sorry, I just...”

“Do you want to talk about them?”

“Fire,” he said. “Just a lot of fire and you’re dead and I...Vio, I’m sorry. I hurt you. A lot.”

“It’s okay, Shadow.” He laid down beside him. “It’s okay. They’re only dreams you know. They won’t hurt you and when you wake up,” he smiled, grabbing onto Shadow’s hand and making a big show of squeezing it. “I’ll be here.” 

He sighed and tried to calm down. Vio situated him so he was laying down with his head on his chest, his body curled up against Vio’s. “You know,” Vio said. “If you weren’t sick, I’d totally fuck you right now.”

“Goddesses, that sounds amazing right now.”

“Yeah, but you’re contagious right now probably, so I’m going to avoid that sort of intimacy for now. If you feel better tomorrow, maybe.”

Shadow sighed and tried to sleep.

He did have a nightmare just as bad as the other ones, but he clung to Vio during them, and very faintly in them, he could realize it was just a nightmare and almost feel Vio trying to sooth him and for a moment, it was enough.

He spent an entire week in a very agonizingly slow recovery and the days were monotonous, but it was definitely a pleasant monotony.

He’d start off the morning with his head on Vio’s chest and Mie on his chest, Vio would force him to drink some water, give him some books and go to the library or do something that was unfortunately not Shadow and _someone_ would just waltz into the room and start talking to him almost casually. Red was the most common, though Green or Blue would tag along occasionally and they could visit on their own. Kioka came once to give him a book she thought he’d enjoy while he was bed bound—one she had written herself, and it had made him laugh, but it was still pretty nice and he did enjoy reading it—and once or twice, Sheik, or Zelda disguised as Sheik, who may or may not have said something along the lines of, “if you die _now_ when Vio has you back, I will follow you into the afterlife just to kick your ass,” but the delivery was a little blurry so it might have actually been Blue, or both. They would give him a glass of water and order him to stay hydrated and get better, Zelda/Sheik depending on how she felt would sympathetically pat his hand and tell him that even if he didn’t want to be alive, he had to stay alive until they could get him to want to stay alive. Then at some point, Vio would be back and they’d kick the others out and they’d make love. One of Vio’s favorite positions was Shadow laying on his stomach with a mountain of pillows beneath his hips to keep his ass in the air while he got fucked and Vio would shove three fingers into his mouth to suck on and it’d muffle him some and it was fucking great and he loved every minute of it. And then of course, when they were done, Vio would hold him and tell him how how he was, how good he had done, and how much he loved him while he stroked his hair and then would make him drink even more water.

On the final day of the week where Shadow was finally regaining the strength to dress himself without dying inside—otherwise, Vio had to help him—Vio laid in bed with him for the entire day stroking his hair and being very quiet and very hot while Shadow enjoyed his company. 

“We never did talk about it, did we?” Vio asked after a few hours. He grabbed at Shadow’s hand like it was about to slip away and then wrapped his other arm around his waist to pull him closer.

“Talk about what?” Shadow asked. He was still a little feverish and tired, but he could form coherent sentences that didn’t result in him bawling.

“Everything that happened in the fire temple. And then, you know, during...um...” He frowned. “Just like...that one...part of time...where we like...you know...I don’t know what to refer to that as.”

“I’m really sorry, Vi. I...I’m sorry, I...” He couldn’t really speak—all of the words he wanted to say to Vio seemed to evaporate still in his throat.

“It’s okay, baby,” he said, quietly, running a hand through his hair. “I love you. Look, we need to talk about it at some point. And after this, and after we get you back on a medication so your internal organs don’t liquefy or anything—we need to go back to being unofficial.”

“What?” The idea of these nights coming to an end made him want to cry.

Vio cupped his face. “It’s okay, remember? We’re just gonna figure things out, okay, love? And then we can be together and talk about everything and be happy. We’ll sort everything out and we’ll finally have a healthy relationship, and this break doesn’t mean I don’t love you, and I promise you, I’m waiting for you, okay? We’ll talk about our future as a couple at a later date, and we won’t have to wait anymore, for whatever reason it is.”

“You really think I’m going to love someone else more than you?”

Vio shrugged. “I don’t know, Shadow. I think that’s for you to decide. But I love you, okay? And whatever you choose right now for yourself, it’ll be okay.”

For a minute, he guessed it could be. “Okay,” he mumbled. He grabbed onto Vio’s hand and refused to let go.

Vio didn’t make him for the night.


	19. Chapter 19

”—and now, I guess we’re still not together,” Shadow finished, slicing the vegetable on the cutting board and minding his fingers this time. Kioka had given him multiple prescriptions and it was a chore to take them every morning, but Red made sure he did it, because apparently, Vio wasn’t joking when he said something about Shadow’s organs liquefying. Kioka had reprimanded him for a solid five minutes before telling him to get well soon and that seemed to be the majority of what everyone was doing, but now, things were pretty normal. Sheik still came by, occasionally called him an idiot, but was actually pretty supportive and nice to him. It was a different type of niceness—not Red’s friendly, chatty niceness or Blue’s attempt at it or Vio’s, because Vio’s involved sex and flirting, but like, kind of how an older sister would treat a younger brother while still having a strange, elegant, kind edge to it. Shadow appreciated it.

“Do you still want to be together?” Red asked.

He decided to think about it for a moment, instead of just jumping to ‘yes.’ He found no reason why he wouldn’t. “Of course.”

Red nodded. “Just checking.”

There was a moment of silence. “You know he was really panicked, right? He was really scared to leave you alone. And then you got all emotional...”

Shadow flushed. He barely remembered that—all he remembered was that, in the moment, it made perfect sense to cry his eyes out because everything sucked. A lot. “I was dying, give me a break.”

“He thought you did it to yourself, is what I’m saying.”

“What?”

“He thought you attempted suicide.” Red was looking at him. There was a mug of something in his hands but he hadn’t drank much of it. “He thought that you were trying to kill yourself and he blamed himself for it. That’s why he spent so much time with you when you were recovering.”

He blinked. “You mean to tell me that he spent so much time with me to make sure I didn’t off myself? But I thought...” He frowned. 

“Oh, no, you misunderstood. He loves you a lot, and he enjoyed spending time with you, but he totally thought that if he left you alone for too long you would steal his sword and impale yourself or something.” Red bit his lip. “You...didn’t quit taking your medication because you wanted to die, right?”

Shadow wasn’t sure. The thought had occurred to him when he looked at his bottle one morning. He hadn’t been in a good mood. He had kind of wanted to die. He didn’t throw out all of the pills, just...about thirty. And then whenever someone asked him if he took them that morning he just lied. He didn’t think it mattered, and he just kind of thought that if he did die, it’s be alright. He wouldn’t have to manipulate Vio into loving him like he had been doing, because why else would Vio love someone so horrible? He had been a bit better since he recovered enough to stand up on his own, and he remembered Vio saying...something to him. Something sweet that he had really wanted to hear, but he couldn’t remember the words, just the look in Vio’s eyes, the way his lips moved.

“I don’t know.” He had a feeling you should know when you attempt suicide, but he didn’t. He wasn’t sure.

Somehow, Red understood enough to nod and drop the subject.

A couple weeks had passed, and still, they couldn’t drop this. It always was brought up, somehow. Shadow kind of wanted to move on with his life.

But he didn’t have much to do at the moment. He didn’t really like going outdoors, but he did like standing near the door and listening to Blue shout at his plants. (“Come on, Aya! You fuchsia, fucking wimp! Don’t let these fucking dandelions kill you, you survived that bunny, that evil raccoon, but you’re gonna die to a flower that isn’t even half your height? Fight that bitch!”)

Also, he had been horny as hell, but you didn’t really bring that up in conversation. 

He kept planning on going outside, but Red and Green didn’t seem to want to leave him unsupervised. Surprisingly, Blue was on his side, claiming Shadow wouldn’t fall dead the moment they all turned their backs, and Shadow knew that they were just concerned and of course Blue would be the least concerned, but he wasn’t used to the attention. He liked Vio’s attention, he could deal with about one person’s attention at a time, usually Vio’s. He only ever wanted Vio’s attention, really. That was all he had been wanting for a long time, but he felt a weird sort of appreciation for the others—for Green and Red for trying so hard, and for Blue for not putting in too much effort. Honestly, it’d feel pretty fake if Blue tried too hard—there was no way Blue could like him that much.

Mie mewed on the floor and jumped onto the counter, laying down like this was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Red decided he could just rinse the carrots when Shadow was done cutting them, since that seemed to be the best course of action. But they were like, inhaling a ton of cat hair as was, so Red didn’t seem to care.

Shadow set the knife down without so much as a nick on his finger. Red looked very proud of him for not cutting off his fingers or stabbing himself.

Blue, at this moment, chose to came into the kitchen. “Red, when you get a moment, Green and I want to talk.”

“About what?”

“I’d say ‘couple stuff,’ but this is more than two people.”

“Polyamorous relationship stuff?” Red suggested.

“Yeah. That.”

“How long do you need?” Red asked. 

“An hour at least.”

Red nodded. “I think I can stop for a bit—what is it? Should I be worried? Did Green get Erune pregnant?”

“What?” Blue made a face. “No. What made you think that?”

“I had a dream about it, but Erune was like, drinking heavily and gave birth to a chicken and the chicken ran away after a few minutes of being born and we had to chase it and we found it sitting on a lawn chair and I picked it up and it died and Green ate it, and it was horrifying.”

“Sounds horrifying. No—we just want to talk.”

“But about what? ...I’m not being dumped, am I?”

“Red—we want to have sex and didn’t want to embarrass you in front of Shadow.”

Shadow snorted as Red’s face got even redder than his name. “Oh. U-Um, okay then! Sorry, Shadow, you can rant to me later, I um...well, you’re standing right there, you probably heard. Um...sorry. Uh, I—“ Blue scooped him um. Red squeaked.

“Come on, sweetheart.”

“We can talk later!” Red shouted after him, being carried away and still blushing. Mie mewed in confusion.

For a minute, Shadow sat there and tried to read a book Vio had suggested to him—then he heard a lot of moaning, cleared his throat, set the book down and ran out of the house like it was on fire. He decided to go for a walk for a while and hoped that when he got back, they were done.

He felt weird walking outside without any sort of company but it was kind of relaxing. He spent so much time around _someone_ that he didn’t have to worry about those soul crushing nights when he’d just sit up and be confused as to why he felt the way he did when he knew deep down why and he just desperately needed absolutely _anyone_ to stave off the horrible pain. Now, being alone felt a little relaxing.

Actually, the fact he was always in someone else‘s presence had led to being unable to properly jack off at any point in time because he’d go in his room, close the door, sit down on the bed and wouldn’t get a chance to do so much as touch himself before Green was knocking on his door, asking him if he was okay and if he’d like to play a card game with him and Blue—which was actually really fun and he was pretty sure the two of them were repeatedly kicking each other under the table but they kept laughing the entire time. Granted, he thought, as the path he was on lead him towards a wooded area, he wasn’t about to masturbate in a public area like this, that’d be weird. He could at least hide in a public area, or have someone with him. Or not do that at all.

He crossed his arms and tried to think. He had been avoiding letting his thoughts wander for a while—because they had a tendency to start repeating after a while. He’d try so very hard to be grateful and appreciative at this weird second chance at life, and then wonder why it was so boring and would get this urge to set something on fire and for something to happen so he could do _something,_ but then wonder why he was being so ungrateful when the heroes had been trying so hard and this _was_ what he wanted, and then he’d think about how long he spent after sentencing Vio to death and awaiting his execution, sitting on the bed that _had_ been Vio’s and wondering if there could have been some other way things could have ended, assuming that that was of course the end. He had assumed, with the execution of Vio hat in reality, did not turn out successful in the slightest, thank the goddesses, he’d just spend the rest of his miserable existence, unhappy and miserable, missing Vio and he daydream about some sort of life with him. That life mostly involved lots of sex and pounding hot ass and sucking Vio’s cock a lot, but honestly, he never would have imagined it’d feel so good to just hold hands with him, or sit next to him closely and lean against him.

And then his thoughts drifted back to the fire temple, always, without fail. He’d think about all those nights he spent with Vio, so madly, madly in love and how that all came to an end—because of the other heroes! His Vio was perfect! He was the most flawless, perfect, amazing Hylian to ever live and nothing could convince Shadow otherwise. He was so perfect, so perfect that of course he’d go back to the others, even if he really did want to stay with Shadow, and if he wanted to keep Vio to himself, he’d just have to get creative—and Vio’d come around eventually because he did want to stay, Shadow was so sure of it. And he would be so nice to him! He’d let him keep his bed and his room but would take away his weapons, and he’d love him and kiss him, and hold him at night, and never ever touch him anywhere he didn’t want to be touched, he would have been so good! And he would have given him enough to read and would have tried to make him happy and would make sure not so much as an hour passed without Vio knowing that Shadow loved him with his entire being, even if he was a little upset about Vio betraying him. Vio would have loved that, he was sure. And then he’d snap out of that, and would think about...

...There wasn’t any sort of thing to define it as, really. Shadow would talk about the “fire temple,” but the fire temple was just nights of love and fun and the only happiness Shadow had ever known at the time that came to a sudden end because of what Vio did, but this couldn’t be called a simple title. It wasn’t just one event that had ruined it, it hadn’t been good from the start. He...

What hadn’t he done? Hurt the others, hurt Vio, drugged Vio, touched Vio...

Worst of all, in the moment, everything felt right. He had wanted to do all those things. As he was doing what he was, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. Sure, he knew Vio wouldn’t like it, but Vio was a fucking, backstabbing traitor and he was always lying to Shadow, but none of what he was doing was wrong.

He kept trying to think about all the horrible, horrible things he did—he had hit Vio, a lot. Held his head underwater, undressed him and gave him a hand job without his consent. Threatened to waterboard him. _Cut out his fucking tongue._

And yet, Vio had brought him back. And everyone had helped him. And Vio had forgiven him. And everything was different now.

He didn’t like it. He genuinely wished he was still dead—in death, he couldn’t hurt Vio, or the others, or have to worry about upsetting anyone because you didn’t feel or think when you were dead. And he had deserved to die.

He went back to thinking about the Dark Mirror.

He had let that princess convince him. What would have happened had she been unable to? Had the dark cloud came just a bit sooner and swept her up, possibly mid-sentence? What if she had died, never to finish her thought, never to convince Shadow that what he was doing was wrong and that he _knew_ it? He remembered that moment of panic and fear and worry when he had seen her body in the air, floating among the near black kind of purple looking mist, limp, her eyes closed. It felt like, the only person who could ever think of him as anything more than a shadow had just been condemned and for a minute, he saw that blond hair, and he saw the dark purple, and he was looking at someone else entirely.

And he knew he couldn’t just stand there and let Zelda die and let the other heroes and his precious love die. He knew, he had known the entire time, what he was doing was wrong. The others were right to try and stop him. And he was so madly in love with Vio, and for a sweet, brief moment he understood completely. Vio was just trying to do what was right and honestly, what Shadow had kind of been wanting to do himself. Vio was good, a hero of the light, and he had been blessed to have him for the short amount of time that he did and to have him taken away—if he still had had Vio, he would not have been willing to die.

But he had died, regretting so many things but not breaking the Dark Mirror and Vio had been there—soft and perfect, it felt like a dream, like he _was_ a dream and his lips moved and he knew that this was right. He had to die, because there was nothing else he could do to right his wrongs and Vio must have known that too. Shadow was dying, for all the people he had killed, for all of Hyrule, for the stupid heroes and their princess and for Vio, overall, for something much more important than what he was, because he was just a shadow.

But he was loved, he realized.

He stopped in his tracks.

He finally realized completely that Vio had loved him just as much as he had loved Vio. He was just a shadow, but that didn’t have to be a bad thing and Vio knew it, but Vio must have known he was bad. He must have loved him, even if he didn’t realize it entirely, much like Shadow didn’t realize it. It wasn’t the exact love Shadow had had though—not the possessive, psychotic love that almost lead to killing the others and destroying Hyrule. In his moments of self-loathing, he had always thought that the fact Vio wasn’t willing to burn down cities and towns and slaughter Hylians by the dozens to show how much he loved Shadow had meant he hadn’t loved him as much as he had loved Vio—had Vio thought that because he wasn’t willing to do that, he hadn’t loved Shadow as much as he loved Vio?

But what other explanation could there really be? Vio loved him, that was why he had brought him back, why he held him close and kissed him gently and nursed him back to health and said it to him. He loved him, and the knowledge brought a smile to his lips.

“What are you smiling about?” Asked a voice.

He turned to the source, his face flushing. “What—“

It was Sheik or Zelda, their blond hair falling down their right shoulder, pulled into some sort of ponytail with a cowl covering their face, but Shadow swore they were smirking. There was some sort of emotion flickering in their eyes—which weren’t red like they usually were for Sheik, or blue like they usually were for Zelda, but purple. And the Sheikah markings all over them were also purple—they were wrapped in white cloth but with purple detailing—their cowl was actually silver and they were not wearing a ponytail, but a braid with threads of silver woven in. They, overall, looked very regal and androgynous and very pretty, but Shadow decided to call them Sheik in his head, since they looked more like Sheik than Zelda. He’d switch that if there was some other name they liked to be called, but in the mean time...

“What are you doing here?”

“Went to go talk to you guys—I got there and then heard what was happening, and immediately began sprinting in the opposite direction. And now I’m here. Hello.”

“Oh.”

“Did something happen between you and Vio?”

Shadow shook his head. “No, just...realized something, it’s nothing really.”

They laughed, as if they knew, and tore their cowl off of their face. “What are you doing here?”

“Walking. I haven’t gotten anytime alone since—“

“—you nearly died for the second time?” Sheik finished.

“Yeah.”

“Makes sense to me. What you did was rather stupid.”

“I know.”

“You should.”

“So, what are you actually thinking about?” Sheik asked.

“...A lot of things. Mostly Vio.”

“Knew it.”

“I guess I’m not that difficult to read. I’m trying to work through everything, because it just repeats in my head nonstop.”

They nodded, almost sympathetically. “Mind if I tag along? If I don’t speak with someone who has half a brain at least and isn’t homophobic, I might slap someone.”

“Not me,” I said.

“Better have half a brain and a lack of homophobia, then.”

He smiled. “I like to think I have all that.”

“Then we might get along just yet.” They smiled back. “So, how are you adjusting really?”

Shadow could only shrug, because he had no idea himself. “Good, I guess...They’re trying.”

Sheik looked as if they were about to say something, but right as they opened their mouth to speak—something loud sounded, like what Shadow assumed would sound like an asteroid hitting the earth. The ground shook.

An earthquake, Shadow thought. He had never experienced one himself, but he knew about them.

But were earthquakes supposed to last for two minutes, stop for a moment, and then keep going?

Except, earthquakes weren’t supposed to roar, were they?


	20. Chapter 20

“Holy shit,” Sheik said, peeling themselves off of the ground. “Was that an earthquake?”

“Vio said that you’re supposed to duck beneath a table when there’s an earthquake,” Shadow said.

They looked at him closely. “Does it look like there’s a table anywhere around?”

“I...don’t think that was an earthquake. Also, did you just swear?”

“I like to help Blue with his garden sometimes. Fucking Asuka, oh my goddesses.” They huffed. “Anyway, you were saying, earthquake.”

“Right—I don’t think that was an earthquake.” He glanced around—nothing seemed out of place, he guessed, but he really thought that he would notice if a two ton monster dropped out of the sky.

“...Then what else could it be?”

“...I’m not sure.”

“You’re lying—what is it?”

“No, I’ll sound so stupid if I’m wrong.” Something snapped to his left, almost effortlessly but loud. He immediately started walking towards it.

“Oh, no. I swear, if you die out here Vio will kill me, so be careful. Vio’s scary when he’s angry.”

“Well, considering you’ll probably be angry then, I guess I should avoid dying.”

“Yes, but like, we get angry in the same way, I think. We get all cold—but he...he’s terrifying.”

Shadow nodded though they probably couldn’t see him. He got closer to where he thought the sound came from. The air seemed to be colder now—the air was still, but not in a peaceful way. He realized he was holding his breath.

There, somewhere in front of him was a shadow so dark it looked like a puddle of ink on the forest floor, on top of dead brush and twigs and leaves. He looked up.

Right in front of him was Azalea, towering over him, a mass of dark, glassy scales and gigantic eyes that shone like stars—silver and bright even though there was a sort of darkness in them that made Shadow’s body stiffen. 

It was a good type of darkness, he decided. The type he wanted to sink into.

“Hi,” he said.

Azalea—being a dragon, a large, monstrous animal that did not have the same vocal chords as Hylians—said nothing in response.

Sheik was somewhere behind him. They sighed. “That’s a dragon, isn’t it?”

“Yep.” Azalea’s eyes scraped over Shadow and found their way over Sheik. “I wasn’t wrong, apparently.”

“Great.”

“Hi,” Shadow said again. “You didn’t forget about me, right?”

Azalea exhaled a puff of smoke in what seemed like irritation. Shadow stepped closer, but she narrowed her eyes and growled.

“Oh, come _on._ I died and all of a sudden, you don’t know me anymore? ...I didn’t really think you’d still be...alive.” He wasn’t entirely sure if Azalea even understood Hylian, but he had always just spoke to her like she could because for the longest time, he had absolutely no one else to talk to, which sounded super sad, he realized. “It’s me. Remember all those houses we burnt down?”

She snorted and just kind of plopped down, causing another tremor.

“She’s awfully tame for, you know....a dragon.” Sheik must have still been behind him.

“Yeah,” he said. “She’s always kind of been. That’s why I liked her so much.” He chose not to mention that he either talked to the dragon or himself and that also helped with how much he liked her. He looked over, but this was definitely the same dragon—the same dark purple, shiny scales all over her body, with the same mouth of fangs, the same talons on her feet, the same scent of charcoal, with the same gold horns.

Shadow turned around to face Sheik and immediately, Azalea let out a low growl at Sheik.

“No, no, no, it’s cool!” He tried to assure her. “She’s alright, please don’t like, kill her— _fuck,_ I mean—fuck.”

“It’s fine,” Sheik said.

Azalea stopped growling.

“Wow, though. I’ve never seen a dragon before. She’s beautiful.”

Shadow smiled. “Yeah. She’s also really smart and really cocky and vain, so if you go too long without praising her for her looks, she gets very snappy. There’s been multiple close calls with her.”

“She almost hurt you?”

“No, not really me, but like, um...I introduced Vio to her and if I was not quick enough, I think he would have lost an arm or something.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah—I’m just glad that Azalea doesn’t know about the whole betrayal thing because she’d literally eat him and that’d be bad. She isn’t even that mean, she just gets really grouchy, because she’s vain. And beautiful and amazing!” He swore that she nodded, like she was accepting the praise.

“So, you just...had a dragon.”

“Yeah. I mean, who needs friends when you can just have a winged, fire-breathing reptile, am I right?”

“I want to say you’re wrong, but if three years ago you asked me if I’d trade Link in for a dragon, I would have said yes, so I don’t think I can.”

“I just don’t know what she’s doing here.” Shadow glanced around at the surroundings. “I mean, I thought she might have been somewhere in Hyrule, but how long has she been _here?_ ”

Over in the corner, there seemed to be multiple deer carcasses, rotting, Shadow noted. There was a ton of tree limbs that had been felled, probably because she felled them at some point herself, considering the places they were in. “I mean...some time, probably, but it can’t have been too long. Wow, I’m...I’m just still in shock, you know? I mean...” He tried to put all his feelings into words. “Azalea was just...a constant, in my life. The idea of coming back to life and all without her kind of...bothered me, but I didn’t want to bring that up because that would have made me sound really ungrateful, and Vio’s just—“ He sighed. “No, she’s alive. I just...like, everything’s different now.”

“...Is that a bad thing?”

“...I don’t know. At all. I mean...I didn’t like it. I didn’t like...existing. Honestly, I was only really happy when I was around Vio. I mean, Azalea made me not sad. But Vio made me genuinely happy and I just wanted him to stay and make me happy forever. And I mean, I hated Vaati and Ganon and I didn’t exactly enjoy what I was doing, I think, I don’t know, but it didn’t feel like there was anything wrong with what I was doing. ...Everything’s changed, but...me. I mean, Vio got kind of taller. Green and Blue and Red are all in a relationship. You’re...genderfluid. The entire world has changed and now I’m here and it feels like I have to change—like, I need to grow and mature into an adult and I need to do that _now_ if I’m ever going to catch up with any of you. And Vio’s being all grown up about everything and...he keeps...I think I need more time, but I don’t want to take any more time.”

“You _do_ realize that Vio is only doing this because he thinks it’s best for you, right? He doesn’t want to wait much longer, either—but you shouldn’t rush this. And I mean...I don’t think things are that different. I am saying this from the perspective of someone who hasn’t been dead for two years, but...I’ve always been like this. It was just putting a name to it and embracing it. And now that’s done and everything feels right with the world. As for the others...”

They cleared their throat and smoothed a crease in their top. “Well...that’s actually been a lot more difficult. Have you noticed that none of them actually seem like Link? I think that’s why your guys’ relationships don’t really faze me, I...I don’t look at any of you as Link. I just...don’t know what happened to him, but he’s not here. You’re like, the closest thing, and...Vio acknowledged it, but we both agreed to try to ignore it.”

“Ignore what?” Sheik didn’t respond. “...Weren’t they supposed to put the sword back?”

They paused and tore off their cowl, sighing. “Yeah...but something was wrong. Link wasn’t...right. He was quiet. And not himself. Sometimes he smiled, but it never quite reached his eyes and I’d look at him and wonder if there was anything I could do. He was the one who suggested it—I had to agree, you know? He was my best friend, I didn’t want to watch him be like that any longer.”

There was a moment of quiet. “You know he had a crush on you, right?” He asked. “He had it bad for you. I think he was in love.”

They sighed. “Yeah—Maybe, he was before.”

“I’m sorry.” All of a sudden, he knew he was at fault. He was to blame. “If I hadn’t been drawn out of the Dark Mirror, he never would have drawn the Four Sword. He would have been okay.”

They scoffed. “Please, Shadow Link. I know how the Dark Mirror works, believe it or not, and I know that it takes someone on the outside to draw anything from inside out. You had nothing to do with that, and, if that never happened, the four of them wouldn’t exist. Blue, Red, and Green never would have gotten together. They never would have learned the value of teamwork or friendship or whatever, and Vio never would have told me about what a homophobic, transphobic bitch I was, and then, I probably never would have discovered I was genderfluid. Maybe things are better this way.”

“Maybe they aren’t.”

“Irrelevant. This is how things are at the moment and the effort to change things is not worth it. You’re a good person.”

“I am?”

“Good enough, at least. Decent. You’re not perfect, but I don’t care. You’re trying.”

That’s stupid, he thought, but he still felt a lump rise in his throat. He swallowed. “Now would be about the time where you vanish without any other explanation than it being time for you to go before Impa shows up.”

“No.” They paused for a moment; everything was silent. “Now it’s about time. I’ll see you later, Shadow.” They smiled while they left, as if they knew something Shadow didn’t. 

Shadow looked back at Azalea. Where exactly did I come from to get here? He wondered.

He was laying in his bed next to Vio, Mie on the floor, taking a cat nap (get it?). Shadow noted the two of them were supposed to be on break, but somehow, it was still late at night, Vio was reading next to him with a hand resting on Shadow’s hip, drawing slow circles through his tunic. “Want to make out?” Vio asked.

Shadow flushed. “Sure.”

Vio threw his book to the side, fisted his tunic and pulled him closer. After a good five minutes of grabbing at each other and kissing, they split up. “Why did you ask? I mean, in the books, usually they don’t ask, it just sort of happens.”

“Yeah, and suddenly kissing you is hot, but knowing you want it is even hotter.”

“But aren’t we supposed to not be together or something?”

“Yeah, but I keep dreaming about you. I just love you so much.” He wrapped his arms around Shadow’s waist and kissed him gently. Slowly, he pinned him to the mattress with his body, kissing him more intensely.

“Are we...?”

“Do you want to?” Vio smirked, stroking his face gently. “Why do you always get so embarrassed? You never got so flustered in the fire temple.” He suddenly froze. “Should I not have said that?”

“It’s fine, just keep going.” He started kissing Vio’s neck, grabbing at his hair. “Vio...”

“Hey...can we try something tonight?” He asked.

“What do you want to try?”

“Fisting.”

Shadow pretended to know what that was. “Sounds amazing.”

Vio grinned and kissed him gently. “I’m going to get us a bottle of lube.” Shadow didn’t let go of his hair.

“Do we need it?” He whined. “I want you now.”

“We’re gonna need it. Why don’t you strip down for me, I’ll be back in a minute.” He kissed Shadow’s temple and stood up.

They immediately resumed when he got back, even though Shadow had stood there wondering what fisting was instead of stripping like Vio had told him.

“Damn, Shadow...” He started to slide his belt off. “Fuck, I love you.” He kept kissing Shadow until he got his clothes off and laid him down on his back, before laying on top of him, kissing harder, his hand moving down his chest.

“Vio...” He grabbed at his tunic, trying to get it off of him.

One of Vio’s hands pulled his thighs apart, spreading them. Immediately, Vio started pouring some of the lube onto his fingers.

“So...what exactly are you going to do?”

“Fist you...do you not know what that is?” Shadow shook his head. “I’m going to put my entire hand up your ass.”

“Oh, wow. That sounds painful.”

“Yes, but that’s why we’re going to go slowly, and use a lot of lube, and if you want me to stop at any point, you just have to say it and I’ll stop, okay?”

“Okay.”

Vio bent over and kissed him again, sliding a finger inside him gently. Shadow groaned softly.

Vio inserted another one, kissing Shadow’s chest lovingly. 

Damn, he thought, looking at Vio. He’s so great. He felt Vio scissor his fingers and his face heated up. “Oh, did I tell you? Sheik and I found Azalea.”

Vio didn’t stop his motions or slow down a bit. “You mean your dragon?”

“Yeah.” Vio brushed against his prostate. “Oh, yes, Vio! There!”

Vio started aiming for that, hitting it with his fingers. “Oh, Vio!” He added another finger; it was starting to hurt, but Shadow decided to tough it out. 

“You’re really tight...” Vio pulled his fingers apart as far as they would go until Shadow stiffened and clawed at the sheets, trying to suppress his whimper. “Damn...Why are you so tight?”

“Do you not...like me this tight?”

“Of course I do.” Vio started pumping those three fingers inside of him. “I just worry that if I’m not careful, I’ll tear something back there, and you know how much I love that cute little ass.” 

Vio pressed a kiss on his throat—Shadow sighed. And frowned. “Vio, have you been drinking?”

“Just a shot.”

“You get horny when you’re drunk?”

“I’m not drunk, I’m just not completely sober.” Vio sucked on his neck a bit, adding another finger slowly. 

“You just did shots?”

“With Red. Talked about sex. Decided I wanted to try some things with you.” He pulled his fingers out and poured a bit more lube on his fingers before inserting them all again. Shadow tightened his grip on the sheets—he was pretty sure he heard the fabric tear and rip beneath him. Vio didn’t seem to notice, at least.

“What else do you want to try with me?”

“The sixty nine position. Bondage. Some toys.” Shadow only knew what two of those things were, but he pretended to be aroused by all of them. “I have a really nice dildo I’ve been wanting to use on you.”

“I wouldn’t be against any of that.”

“I know, but we’re supposed to not be in a relationship yet.” Vio’s other hand started stroking him—he couldn’t contain his gasp. “When we’re official, we can do whatever you want. I’ll even let you top.”

“I think I like it when you top better.”

“Then I’ll top.” Vio added a fifth finger.

“Holy fuck!”

“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

“No, no, keep going.” He rolled his hips. “Oh, Vio...” 

Vio swallowed. “I love you.” He stroked Shadow a bit faster and slowly slid his hand in farther.

“I love you too.” Vio’s thumb messed with his slit and he groaned loudly, throwing his head back and trying to grab at Vio, still mostly dressed, but he had a noticeable hard on. “Vio! Agh!”

He tried to work his palm in and Shadow had to bite his tongue to keep from shouting out. He was so close—he wanted Vio to touch him a little more.

Vio’s fingers hit something, but it did not feel good. He watched Vio murmur something and pour more lube onto his hand while he continued to fit it in.

Vio wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek and holding him gently. “Vio...” He whined. All of a sudden, Shadow fell back on the bed, Vio in front of him, on his knees on the mattress, the majority of his left hand in his ass. Slowly, he knelt down and placed the tip of his dick in his mouth.

Shadow groaned. His mind was surprisingly quiet right now, not the usual buzzing well of voices, it seemed. He didn’t totally hate himself. Vio sucked hard and moaned, his fingers curling. Shadow jumped—Vio managed to calm him down with a good, hard suck on the head.

He was so, so close, it hurt—no wait, that was the hand in his ass.

Vio quit sucking and focused on fisting him—

Shadow clenched his teeth. “Oh, fuck!” That hurt, that hurt, that hurt! Oh, goddesses...is he enjoying this?

Vio seemed to be concentrating, but not enjoying anything. “Don’t worry, Shadow,” he said softly. “I just need to work the rest of my palm in, you’re doing so good.”

“Vio, I—fuck! I think I want to stop!” He grabbed at the sheets again.

“You do, love?”

“Yes, it...really hurts.” Oh, fuck he was enjoying that, he wasn’t done...

“Alright, then. I’m going to pull out, then.” His fingers managed to brush past his prostate as his hand came out and Shadow had to grip at the sheets. Vio stroked his hair when he was done. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just, um...tired. You’re...really into that?”

“Yeah. I tried it a bit with—“ He shook his head. “I’m sorry, love, I should have specified what I was going to do to you, are you okay? Do you hurt?”

“A...lot. I mean, you’re dick is huge, but apparently there’s a difference between your genitals and your hand. Fuck.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Come here, love.” He pulled him closely and kissed his temple. “You want me to finish you off? I promise not to put anything up your ass. I just want to touch you.”

He nodded—Vio somehow pulled him even closer, until they were chest to chest, Vio’s chin on his head and his arms holding him tight, his knee rubbing against his groin. “You’re being so quiet, love.” He kissed his earlobe. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just—“ He groaned and buried his face in Vio’s neck, Vio was still rubbing his knee against him.

“Are you gonna cum for me?” Vio whispered in his ear. “Gonna orgasm right now, eith that adorable little dick you have?” He kissed Shadow’s cheek.

“Y-Yes!” He realized Vio still had his tights on, but that was the only thing he had on, it seemed. The fact that Shadow would get cum on his tights didn’t seem to bother him.

Vio wrapped an arm around his waist and dropped a hand to thumb his head, sucking on a spot on his neck. “You’re so good,” Vio praised while he panted, murmuring his words into Shadow’s skin. “So, so good—I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too!” He wrapped an arm around Vio’s neck, kissing him deeply. Finally, he released with a muffled groan, Vio’s hands not stopping his movements until he was done and his semen was on Vio’s tights.

He tried to catch his breath. “I love you,” Vio said, holding him close and tight, “I feel like I don’t say that enough.”

He sighed and laid his head on Vio’s chest. “I would like to hear it more.”

“I love you, Shadow. I love being around you, I think you’re great, I love you.”

Shadow would have kissed him on the mouth, but he didn’t want to move, so he just pressed a kiss on his chest. He wondered if he should get Vio off, but a part of him just wanted to lay with Vio, still and happy and quiet, forever.

Vio kissed his temple—and they both fell asleep.

And Shadow woke up to a pair of arms around his torso and a face in his neck which would have been rather pleasant—but it was the middle of the night and Shadow was awake because there was moisture on his neck.

He looked down, not sure if Vio was drooling, or...

Small wet trails ran down the side of Vio’s face but he was fast asleep, even with how tight his grip was. “I’m sorry,” Vio slurred.

“Vi?”

A choked sob came out of Vio’s mouth. “I’m so sorry, Shadow.” 

Something in his chest hurt. He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around Vio, rubbing circles into Vio’s back. “Goddesses, Vivi...” Shadow sighed. “I love you.” Another tear landed on his neck. “I think I’m ready to actually forgive you.” He nestled closer to Vio. He decided they’d talk about it in the morning—but instead of sleeping, he spent the entire night thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The twentieth chapter of Heal! It’s not the end yet, but we’re getting there. Thank you so much for reading thus far!


	21. Chapter 21

“Holy shit,” Sheik said, peeling themselves off of the ground. “Was that an earthquake?”

“Vio said that you’re supposed to duck beneath a table when there’s an earthquake,” Shadow said.

They looked at him closely. “Does it look like there’s a table anywhere around?”

“I...don’t think that was an earthquake. Also, did you just swear?”

“I like to help Blue with his garden sometimes. Fucking Asuka, oh my goddesses.” They huffed. “Anyway, you were saying, earthquake.”

“Right—I don’t think that was an earthquake.” He glanced around—nothing seemed out of place, he guessed, but he really thought that he would notice if a two ton monster dropped out of the sky.

“...Then what else could it be?”

“...I’m not sure.”

“You’re lying—what is it?”

“No, I’ll sound so stupid if I’m wrong.” Something snapped to his left, almost effortlessly but loud. He immediately started walking towards it.

“Oh, no. I swear, if you die out here Vio will kill me, so be careful. Vio’s scary when he’s angry.”

“Well, considering you’ll probably be angry then, I guess I should avoid dying.”

“Yes, but like, we get angry in the same way, I think. We get all cold—but he...he’s terrifying.”

Shadow nodded though they probably couldn’t see him. He got closer to where he thought the sound came from. The air seemed to be colder now—the air was still, but not in a peaceful way. He realized he was holding his breath.

There, somewhere in front of him was a shadow so dark it looked like a puddle of ink on the forest floor, on top of dead brush and twigs and leaves. He looked up.

Right in front of him was Azalea, towering over him, a mass of dark, glassy scales and gigantic eyes that shone like stars—silver and bright even though there was a sort of darkness in them that made Shadow’s body stiffen. 

It was a good type of darkness, he decided. The type he wanted to sink into.

“Hi,” he said.

Azalea—being a dragon, a large, monstrous animal that did not have the same vocal chords as Hylians—said nothing in response.

Sheik was somewhere behind him. They sighed. “That’s a dragon, isn’t it?”

“Yep.” Azalea’s eyes scraped over Shadow and found their way over Sheik. “I wasn’t wrong, apparently.”

“Great.”

“Hi,” Shadow said again. “You didn’t forget about me, right?”

Azalea exhaled a puff of smoke in what seemed like irritation. Shadow stepped closer, but she narrowed her eyes and growled.

“Oh, come _on._ I died and all of a sudden, you don’t know me anymore? ...I didn’t really think you’d still be...alive.” He wasn’t entirely sure if Azalea even understood Hylian, but he had always just spoke to her like she could because for the longest time, he had absolutely no one else to talk to, which sounded super sad, he realized. “It’s me. Remember all those houses we burnt down?”

She snorted and just kind of plopped down, causing another tremor.

“She’s awfully tame for, you know....a dragon.” Sheik must have still been behind him.

“Yeah,” he said. “She’s always kind of been. That’s why I liked her so much.” He chose not to mention that he either talked to the dragon or himself and that also helped with how much he liked her. He looked over, but this was definitely the same dragon—the same dark purple, shiny scales all over her body, with the same mouth of fangs, the same talons on her feet, the same scent of charcoal, with the same gold horns.

Shadow turned around to face Sheik and immediately, Azalea let out a low growl at Sheik.

“No, no, no, it’s cool!” He tried to assure her. “She’s alright, please don’t like, kill her— _fuck,_ I mean—fuck.”

“It’s fine,” Sheik said.

Azalea stopped growling.

“Wow, though. I’ve never seen a dragon before. She’s beautiful.”

Shadow smiled. “Yeah. She’s also really smart and really cocky and vain, so if you go too long without praising her for her looks, she gets very snappy. There’s been multiple close calls with her.”

“She almost hurt you?”

“No, not really me, but like, um...I introduced Vio to her and if I was not quick enough, I think he would have lost an arm or something.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah—I’m just glad that Azalea doesn’t know about the whole betrayal thing because she’d literally eat him and that’d be bad. She isn’t even that mean, she just gets really grouchy, because she’s vain. And beautiful and amazing!” He swore that she nodded, like she was accepting the praise.

“So, you just...had a dragon.”

“Yeah. I mean, who needs friends when you can just have a winged, fire-breathing reptile, am I right?”

“I want to say you’re wrong, but if three years ago you asked me if I’d trade Link in for a dragon, I would have said yes, so I don’t think I can.”

“I just don’t know what she’s doing here.” Shadow glanced around at the surroundings. “I mean, I thought she might have been somewhere in Hyrule, but how long has she been _here?_ ”

Over in the corner, there seemed to be multiple deer carcasses, rotting, Shadow noted. There was a ton of tree limbs that had been felled, probably because she felled them at some point herself, considering the places they were in. “I mean...some time, probably, but it can’t have been too long. Wow, I’m...I’m just still in shock, you know? I mean...” He tried to put all his feelings into words. “Azalea was just...a constant, in my life. The idea of coming back to life and all without her kind of...bothered me, but I didn’t want to bring that up because that would have made me sound really ungrateful, and Vio’s just—“ He sighed. “No, she’s alive. I just...like, everything’s different now.”

“...Is that a bad thing?”

“...I don’t know. At all. I mean...I didn’t like it. I didn’t like...existing. Honestly, I was only really happy when I was around Vio. I mean, Azalea made me not sad. But Vio made me genuinely happy and I just wanted him to stay and make me happy forever. And I mean, I hated Vaati and Ganon and I didn’t exactly enjoy what I was doing, I think, I don’t know, but it didn’t feel like there was anything wrong with what I was doing. ...Everything’s changed, but...me. I mean, Vio got kind of taller. Green and Blue and Red are all in a relationship. You’re...genderfluid. The entire world has changed and now I’m here and it feels like I have to change—like, I need to grow and mature into an adult and I need to do that _now_ if I’m ever going to catch up with any of you. And Vio’s being all grown up about everything and...he keeps...I think I need more time, but I don’t want to take any more time.”

“You _do_ realize that Vio is only doing this because he thinks it’s best for you, right? He doesn’t want to wait much longer, either—but you shouldn’t rush this. And I mean...I don’t think things are that different. I am saying this from the perspective of someone who hasn’t been dead for two years, but...I’ve always been like this. It was just putting a name to it and embracing it. And now that’s done and everything feels right with the world. As for the others...”

They cleared their throat and smoothed a crease in their top. “Well...that’s actually been a lot more difficult. Have you noticed that none of them actually seem like Link? I think that’s why your guys’ relationships don’t really faze me, I...I don’t look at any of you as Link. I just...don’t know what happened to him, but he’s not here. You’re like, the closest thing, and...Vio acknowledged it, but we both agreed to try to ignore it.”

“Ignore what?” Sheik didn’t respond. “...Weren’t they supposed to put the sword back?”

They paused and tore off their cowl, sighing. “Yeah...but something was wrong. Link wasn’t...right. He was quiet. And not himself. Sometimes he smiled, but it never quite reached his eyes and I’d look at him and wonder if there was anything I could do. He was the one who suggested it—I had to agree, you know? He was my best friend, I didn’t want to watch him be like that any longer.”

There was a moment of quiet. “You know he had a crush on you, right?” He asked. “He had it bad for you. I think he was in love.”

They sighed. “Yeah—Maybe, he was before.”

“I’m sorry.” All of a sudden, he knew he was at fault. He was to blame. “If I hadn’t been drawn out of the Dark Mirror, he never would have drawn the Four Sword. He would have been okay.”

They scoffed. “Please, Shadow Link. I know how the Dark Mirror works, believe it or not, and I know that it takes someone on the outside to draw anything from inside out. You had nothing to do with that, and, if that never happened, the four of them wouldn’t exist. Blue, Red, and Green never would have gotten together. They never would have learned the value of teamwork or friendship or whatever, and Vio never would have told me about what a homophobic, transphobic bitch I was, and then, I probably never would have discovered I was genderfluid. Maybe things are better this way.”

“Maybe they aren’t.”

“Irrelevant. This is how things are at the moment and the effort to change things is not worth it. You’re a good person.”

“I am?”

“Good enough, at least. Decent. You’re not perfect, but I don’t care. You’re trying.”

That’s stupid, he thought, but he still felt a lump rise in his throat. He swallowed. “Now would be about the time where you vanish without any other explanation than it being time for you to go before Impa shows up.”

“No.” They paused for a moment; everything was silent. “Now it’s about time. I’ll see you later, Shadow.” They smiled while they left, as if they knew something Shadow didn’t. 

Shadow looked back at Azalea. Where exactly did I come from to get here? He wondered.

He was laying in his bed next to Vio, Mie on the floor, taking a cat nap (get it?). Shadow noted the two of them were supposed to be on break, but somehow, it was still late at night, Vio was reading next to him with a hand resting on Shadow’s hip, drawing slow circles through his tunic. “Want to make out?” Vio asked.

Shadow flushed. “Sure.”

Vio threw his book to the side, fisted his tunic and pulled him closer. After a good five minutes of grabbing at each other and kissing, they split up. “Why did you ask? I mean, in the books, usually they don’t ask, it just sort of happens.”

“Yeah, and suddenly kissing you is hot, but knowing you want it is even hotter.”

“But aren’t we supposed to not be together or something?”

“Yeah, but I keep dreaming about you. I just love you so much.” He wrapped his arms around Shadow’s waist and kissed him gently. Slowly, he pinned him to the mattress with his body, kissing him more intensely.

“Are we...?”

“Do you want to?” Vio smirked, stroking his face gently. “Why do you always get so embarrassed? You never got so flustered in the fire temple.” He suddenly froze. “Should I not have said that?”

“It’s fine, just keep going.” He started kissing Vio’s neck, grabbing at his hair. “Vio...”

“Hey...can we try something tonight?” He asked.

“What do you want to try?”

“Fisting.”

Shadow pretended to know what that was. “Sounds amazing.”

Vio grinned and kissed him gently. “I’m going to get us a bottle of lube.” Shadow didn’t let go of his hair.

“Do we need it?” He whined. “I want you now.”

“We’re gonna need it. Why don’t you strip down for me, I’ll be back in a minute.” He kissed Shadow’s temple and stood up.

They immediately resumed when he got back, even though Shadow had stood there wondering what fisting was instead of stripping like Vio had told him.

“Damn, Shadow...” He started to slide his belt off. “Fuck, I love you.” He kept kissing Shadow until he got his clothes off and laid him down on his back, before laying on top of him, kissing harder, his hand moving down his chest.

“Vio...” He grabbed at his tunic, trying to get it off of him.

One of Vio’s hands pulled his thighs apart, spreading them. Immediately, Vio started pouring some of the lube onto his fingers.

“So...what exactly are you going to do?”

“Fist you...do you not know what that is?” Shadow shook his head. “I’m going to put my entire hand up your ass.”

“Oh, wow. That sounds painful.”

“Yes, but that’s why we’re going to go slowly, and use a lot of lube, and if you want me to stop at any point, you just have to say it and I’ll stop, okay?”

“Okay.”

Vio bent over and kissed him again, sliding a finger inside him gently. Shadow groaned softly.

Vio inserted another one, kissing Shadow’s chest lovingly. 

Damn, he thought, looking at Vio. He’s so great. He felt Vio scissor his fingers and his face heated up. “Oh, did I tell you? Sheik and I found Azalea.”

Vio didn’t stop his motions or slow down a bit. “You mean your dragon?”

“Yeah.” Vio brushed against his prostate. “Oh, yes, Vio! There!”

Vio started aiming for that, hitting it with his fingers. “Oh, Vio!” He added another finger; it was starting to hurt, but Shadow decided to tough it out. 

“You’re really tight...” Vio pulled his fingers apart as far as they would go until Shadow stiffened and clawed at the sheets, trying to suppress his whimper. “Damn...Why are you so tight?”

“Do you not...like me this tight?”

“Of course I do.” Vio started pumping those three fingers inside of him. “I just worry that if I’m not careful, I’ll tear something back there, and you know how much I love that cute little ass.” 

Vio pressed a kiss on his throat—Shadow sighed. And frowned. “Vio, have you been drinking?”

“Just a shot.”

“You get horny when you’re drunk?”

“I’m not drunk, I’m just not completely sober.” Vio sucked on his neck a bit, adding another finger slowly. 

“You just did shots?”

“With Red. Talked about sex. Decided I wanted to try some things with you.” He pulled his fingers out and poured a bit more lube on his fingers before inserting them all again. Shadow tightened his grip on the sheets—he was pretty sure he heard the fabric tear and rip beneath him. Vio didn’t seem to notice, at least.

“What else do you want to try with me?”

“The sixty nine position. Bondage. Some toys.” Shadow only knew what two of those things were, but he pretended to be aroused by all of them. “I have a really nice dildo I’ve been wanting to use on you.”

“I wouldn’t be against any of that.”

“I know, but we’re supposed to not be in a relationship yet.” Vio’s other hand started stroking him—he couldn’t contain his gasp. “When we’re official, we can do whatever you want. I’ll even let you top.”

“I think I like it when you top better.”

“Then I’ll top.” Vio added a fifth finger.

“Holy fuck!”

“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

“No, no, keep going.” He rolled his hips. “Oh, Vio...” 

Vio swallowed. “I love you.” He stroked Shadow a bit faster and slowly slid his hand in farther.

“I love you too.” Vio’s thumb messed with his slit and he groaned loudly, throwing his head back and trying to grab at Vio, still mostly dressed, but he had a noticeable hard on. “Vio! Agh!”

He tried to work his palm in and Shadow had to bite his tongue to keep from shouting out. He was so close—he wanted Vio to touch him a little more.

Vio’s fingers hit something, but it did not feel good. He watched Vio murmur something and pour more lube onto his hand while he continued to fit it in.

Vio wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek and holding him gently. “Vio...” He whined. All of a sudden, Shadow fell back on the bed, Vio in front of him, on his knees on the mattress, the majority of his left hand in his ass. Slowly, he knelt down and placed the tip of his dick in his mouth.

Shadow groaned. His mind was surprisingly quiet right now, not the usual buzzing well of voices, it seemed. He didn’t totally hate himself. Vio sucked hard and moaned, his fingers curling. Shadow jumped—Vio managed to calm him down with a good, hard suck on the head.

He was so, so close, it hurt—no wait, that was the hand in his ass.

Vio quit sucking and focused on fisting him—

Shadow clenched his teeth. “Oh, fuck!” That hurt, that hurt, that hurt! Oh, goddesses...is he enjoying this?

Vio seemed to be concentrating, but not enjoying anything. “Don’t worry, Shadow,” he said softly. “I just need to work the rest of my palm in, you’re doing so good.”

“Vio, I—fuck! I think I want to stop!” He grabbed at the sheets again.

“You do, love?”

“Yes, it...really hurts.” Oh, fuck he was enjoying that, he wasn’t done...

“Alright, then. I’m going to pull out, then.” His fingers managed to brush past his prostate as his hand came out and Shadow had to grip at the sheets. Vio stroked his hair when he was done. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just, um...tired. You’re...really into that?”

“Yeah. I tried it a bit with—“ He shook his head. “I’m sorry, love, I should have specified what I was going to do to you, are you okay? Do you hurt?”

“A...lot. I mean, you’re dick is huge, but apparently there’s a difference between your genitals and your hand. Fuck.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Come here, love.” He pulled him closely and kissed his temple. “You want me to finish you off? I promise not to put anything up your ass. I just want to touch you.”

He nodded—Vio somehow pulled him even closer, until they were chest to chest, Vio’s chin on his head and his arms holding him tight, his knee rubbing against his groin. “You’re being so quiet, love.” He kissed his earlobe. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just—“ He groaned and buried his face in Vio’s neck, Vio was still rubbing his knee against him.

“Are you gonna cum for me?” Vio whispered in his ear. “Gonna orgasm right now, eith that adorable little dick you have?” He kissed Shadow’s cheek.

“Y-Yes!” He realized Vio still had his tights on, but that was the only thing he had on, it seemed. The fact that Shadow would get cum on his tights didn’t seem to bother him.

Vio wrapped an arm around his waist and dropped a hand to thumb his head, sucking on a spot on his neck. “You’re so good,” Vio praised while he panted, murmuring his words into Shadow’s skin. “So, so good—I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too!” He wrapped an arm around Vio’s neck, kissing him deeply. Finally, he released with a muffled groan, Vio’s hands not stopping his movements until he was done and his semen was on Vio’s tights.

He tried to catch his breath. “I love you,” Vio said, holding him close and tight, “I feel like I don’t say that enough.”

He sighed and laid his head on Vio’s chest. “I would like to hear it more.”

“I love you, Shadow. I love being around you, I think you’re great, I love you.”

Shadow would have kissed him on the mouth, but he didn’t want to move, so he just pressed a kiss on his chest. He wondered if he should get Vio off, but a part of him just wanted to lay with Vio, still and happy and quiet, forever.

Vio kissed his temple—and they both fell asleep.

And Shadow woke up to a pair of arms around his torso and a face in his neck which would have been rather pleasant—but it was the middle of the night and Shadow was awake because there was moisture on his neck.

He looked down, not sure if Vio was drooling, or...

Small wet trails ran down the side of Vio’s face but he was fast asleep, even with how tight his grip was. “I’m sorry,” Vio slurred.

“Vi?”

A choked sob came out of Vio’s mouth. “I’m so sorry, Shadow.” 

Something in his chest hurt. He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around Vio, rubbing circles into Vio’s back. “Goddesses, Vivi...” Shadow sighed. “I love you.” Another tear landed on his neck. “I think I’m ready to actually forgive you.” He nestled closer to Vio. He decided they’d talk about it in the morning—but instead of sleeping, he spent the entire night thinking.


	22. Chapter 22

He felt Vio move, felt his arms shift and he turned to face him as his beautiful blue eyes fluttered open.

“Morning, love,” Vio rasped.

Shadow pulled himself closer to him. “Last night, you said you dreamed about me a lot. I assumed you meant wet dreams—how long have you been having nightmares?”

Vio yawned. “...I don’t know—ever since you came back, I guess. They were really bad when you were just unconscious, on your bed, still and quiet. You looked dead. I’d sit in a chair and wait for you become at least semi-conscious so I could give you water and ask you if you were okay, but you never said anything—you’d spend about thirty seconds with one eye open and then would pass out. I would just sit in that chair next to you, and nod off—and I wondered if you were still angry and I’d be back at the fire temple, and you’d be back in my arms, but your eyes would be red and glassy and you wouldn’t breathe or blink but you’d just...struggle against me. And I didn’t know if I was hurting you, or if something was wrong and instead of speaking, you just screamed. And I’d wake up and I’d feel so bad for falling asleep because you kept waking up, but you’d fall asleep right as my eyes opened and I’d notice because your leg moves when you go to sleep and it would just kind of...twitch and I wondered if you needed water but I didn’t want to wake you. You were so weak, Shadow. ...You kept flatlining. Kioka was there but she had to keep resuscitating you and everytime your heart stopped, I wondered if this was it.

“Shadow, love, I was so scared. I probably shouldn’t have been, I wasn’t the one who could have died, but I was just so worried. The first time you were fully conscious, you know, we...talked. I...think you were hallucinating. You were just, back at the fire temple and I was in the cell, and the room were in was dark and...you were angry and...” Vio swallowed—Shadow’s mouth went dry. “I apologized and I told you I loved you. I told you I loved you a lot, that I was just so sorry and I seriously wished that you’d forgive me and that we could be together.”

“...What happened next?”

“...You were still hallucinating. You...started crying. You said you loved me too. You begged me to stay, and when I said I couldn’t, begged me to reconsider because you were just so...scared. And you needed me, like air, you said.” He took a deep breath. “I tried to comfort you, but you were...inconsolable. You begged me, said you’d have to hurt me if didn’t change my mind, because then we’d be enemies. You said we could try to forget about the Dark Mirror, said we could just go back to bed, and you’d take away my sword and bow, but you’d forgive me, and things between us could go back to what they were before and we could just be happy and in love.”

All of a sudden, Vio’s eyes looked really glassy and he suddenly couldn’t look at Shadow. “I asked you if that’d make you stop crying. You said yes. So I said I wouldn’t leave.”

“...Did I stop crying?”

“After about thirty more minutes, when you were done hallucinating and severely dehydrated. After a while, I just laid in bed with you and you calmed down some, but you were just so... I dunno. I keep thinking about that, you know...”

“Vio...I...think I understand why you did it.”

Vio sighed and got closer. “Look, Shadow—I know I hurt you and as much as I want you to forgive me and even though I believe that forgiveness is great and all, I know that you were deeply affected by everything that happened between us and maybe some distance would be better for the both of us—maybe more distance than what’s already been between us. If you aren’t ready to forgive me, that’s fine and if you can’t ever forgive me, that’s also fine. I just...I really want you to know now, that whatever you choose to do at this point is fine because I care about you and you aren’t required to forgive me just because of any feelings you have for me, or because I want you too, or because you feel like you have to.”

“...Vio, you started apologizing in your sleep last night. ...You were crying. You soaked my neck.”

“I’m sorry, love.”

“...No. Vio, I...I understand. Right before I died, I think I understood then, because...I loved you so, so much and I was so scared—and I wanted to die for you and I knew that was kind of wrong, so I decided I wouldn’t just die for you. I’d die for you and all those things you almost died for, and...I should be the one who’s sorry. I’ve hurt people—don’t deny it, Vio, we both know what I did. And the truth is, I hurt you and the others and tons of people I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance to apologize to and...I feel guilty about it. Sometimes, I lie awake at night wondering what the hell you can possibly see in me, and I wonder if what you see is actually there, and, if it is, if it’s gonna still be there when I wake up.”

Somehow, Shadow was smiling still. “You keep talking to me about me forgiving you, but when I want you to forgive me, you act like there’s nothing to forgive. And a part of me seriously thinks there’s no way we can ever get past this because—you shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who nearly killed you, right? Someone who really, really hurt you? But are you supposed to love that person that nearly killed and or really hurt you? ...Vio, I...”

“Shadow, I think I can forgive you.”

“...Well, I think I can forgive you.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Listen, Shadow.” He sat on his legs on the bed, across from Shadow, reached forward, and grabbed his hand. Vio’s other hand went to hold the back of his head. Fingers stroked his hair and comforted Shadow. “I want to hold you right now. I want to grab you and hold you against my chest as tightly as possible and vow to you, that I’ll never hurt you, that I’ll always love you, that we can spend every day of our lives together and that will make me happy, and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your days.

“But I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m not gonna make empty promises. Because the truth is, I am going to lie to you. At some point, I’ll lie. I’ll hurt you. I’ll let you down. I may not always make you happy. You may not always make me happy. All of our problems aren’t gonna be solved just because we’re crazy about each other.

“I can’t promise you’re the only person I have or will love this way, or that this will last forever. But I can promise you that right now, in this moment, I love you, Shadow, a lot, and I don’t see that changing in the near future. I can say that right now, I want to have a life with you. I want to protect you. I want to hold you when you’re sad and make you feel better. I want to be with you. I want you to be happy. And I can’t tell you it’s gonna be perfect. It’s gonna be messy and complicated and it’s gonna hurt, but I want this relationship, Shadow. I want you.”

“Vio, do you mean that?”

He nodded. “With all my heart. And I want you to know, that I want a relationship and if that changes for me, or for you, we can talk about it and choose what to do from then. We’ll figure it all out and I love being around you and I want us to be honest with each other. I really love you, Shadow.” He pulled him closer and tried to control his breathing.

“Vi...” He cupped his face—Shadow held still for a moment before leaning into his touch. “Holy fuck, I love you. I love you so much.”

“I know, darling. And I love you too.”

He tried to calm down. “So, is this it then?”

Vio was currently twirling a strand of purple hair in his fingers, licking his lips while his other hand held onto his hips. “Hm?”

“Are...we official now? Can we be official, can we...”

Vio leaned forward until his lips were at Shadow’s ear. He inhaled deeply, taking his sweet time answering. “Would you like to be?”

The obvious answer was yes, obviously, Shadow had been waiting for this moment for what felt like his entire life, he wanted to ask why Vio would ever think for even a moment Shadow wouldn’t want to—but he thought about everything that had happened—he still saw no reason to say no, but he couldn’t help but think Vio would like it if he thought about his answer. “Yes.” He pressed a kiss to Vio’s cheek.

“Perfect,” Vio said.

Shadow pinned him to the mattress, kissing him hungrily. “I love you! I love you! I love you!” He put his legs on either side of Vio, putting his hands beneath his head, tangling his fingers in his hair. Vio met every kiss.

“Oh, love, I could kiss you all day, but we should really get out right now. Do you really want to be in here all day with me?”

“Well, yeah! Kind of!”

“Don’t worry—you’re spending the entire night with me tonight. I’ll fuck the life out of you.”

“I’ll die happy.”

Vio kissed his cheek. “Get dressed.”

Shadow couldn’t stop grinning while he pulled his tunic over his head.

The morning continued on and Shadow was still grinning as he helped Red with breakfast—which Mie graciously cleaned up despite the other Links insisting she didn’t need to and she should really get the fuck out of the kitchen, but she didn’t seem to care—and Vio held his hand through the entire meal and then kissed him on the mouth before leaving like he usually did. The others didn’t seem to have any idea about how amazing the morning was and a part of Shadow really, really wanted to tell someone.

So he did. He told Red when he inevitably made cookies which got Red so excited he made more to celebrate and then accidentally shouted it to both Blue and Green who also seemed happy for him.

Everything felt right.

Later that night, Vio got home early and then they laid in Vio’s bed for a while, both reading, but Vio’s hand slipped into his tights and fondled him occasionally, while casually bringing up all sorts of things. “You could work at the library, you know,” Vio said, giving a nice, hard flick to the head.

“Dunno—are you sure you want me to?”

“Of course. And Kioka and Eiji wouldn’t mind—actually, I’m starting to think Kioka might have a slight crush on you because you liked her snakes, and Eiji complimented my taste when he learned that we were actually in a relationship.”

His hand pulled out. “Plus, it’d be rather nice to see you there.” Vio flipped a page in his book and Shadow barely bit back a mewl of disappointment.

“I think I’d like that.”

“I know I would.” Vio sighed and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. “Can you believe how lucky I am? I have one of the cutest, most loyal men in Hyrule as my boyfriend and now I get to spoon him in my bed and kiss him and treat him like my boyfriend.”

“I love you, Vio.”

“I love you too.” Vio kissed his cheek. “I mean, us getting together was rough, but you should have watched Red, Green, and Blue try to figure things out. Goddesses—that was just a straight up shit show.”

Shadow frowned. It hadn’t ever occurred to him that those three had struggled at all to figure out their relationship. He just assumed they worked things out quietly and quickly. “What happened?” He asked.

“I’ll tell you some other time, my darling. For now, I just want to hold you and tell you how much I love you.”

Shadow sighed and sank into his arms. “Goddesses...”

“So anyway, you found your dragon?”

“Yeah! We should see her soon—also, don’t let anything about the Dark Mirror slip because she might actually incinerate you. She gets angry.”

“She’s pretty.”

“Yep—a very pretty, fire breathing, monstrous lizard creature.”

“Dragons are gay,” Vio decided.

“You’re gay.”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? I’m actually straight.”

Shadow snorted and nestled just a bit closer to Vio. He could hear his breathing.

“...In all seriousness, Shadow, as much as I love you, you do actually have problems and I can’t just magically cure them with the pure, gay love I have for you. I think we need to get you help.” Vio ran a hand through his hair and Shadow sighed. “I am in no position to diagnose you, but I think, if we can find someone who can diagnose you, you might be able to...I don’t know.”

“When you say ‘get help,’ what exactly do you mean?”

“I mean, find someone who knows stuff about mental illnesses who might be able to get you a medication or help you cope with things in healthy ways or...something like that. I think you should consider it.”

“Alright, Vi. I will—as soon as you tell me about the others.”

Vio chuckled. “That’s a story for another time. I’ll tell you tomorrow morning, how does that sound? I kind of want to reflect on how stupid they can be because it makes me feel good in comparison.”

Shadow sighed and suck into Vio’s arms. He felt at peace somehow—it felt everything was going to be okay. Beside him, Vio moved and set something down on the bedside table. Shadow glanced over—a bottle of pills.

“We are not repeating that,” Vio said.

“I don’t think I want to.”

Vio pressed it into his hand and smiled, kissing his cheek. “Then do me a favor and take these meds so you can heal up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this, we have reached the end of Heal! (Except there’s like, a bonus chapter in the works right now, so no, not really.) Anyway, thank you SO much for reading, I appreciate every kudos and kind comment I receive!


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